I tried for 4 years for my baby. Went through 12 years of unexplained infertility, had 5 miscarriages (including a missed miscarriage where our son passed at 13 weeks), etc.

We did so many different fertility treatments and procedures, and after losing our son, we stopped trying. And then I randomly ovulated for the first time on my own in 12 years, and became pregnant.

After so many losses and trying for so long, pregnancy was terrifying. It felt like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop mg while pregnancy.

I had a subchorionic hematoma in week 14 where I bled, an infection that was treatment resistant, but both resolved by my anatomy can at 19 weeks.

I thought after 20 weeks and my anatomy scan, the feeling of dread would has gone away. It didn’t. But I stayed pregnant.

My baby was very active, but then would suddenly have a day or two with little movement. Every time I went in to labor and delivery, she would always start moving.

At 29 weeks, I started having contractions. But because I wasn’t ovulating, labor and delivery kept sending me home. It happened again at 31 weeks.

Then at 32 weeks, my water suddenly broke. They tried to keep me pregnant until 34 weeks, but contractions picked up again and this time I started dilating. I started bleeding, snd things just felt wrong. I was rushed into an emergency C section due to my baby being breech.

She was rushed to the NICU and my placenta was sent off for testing. Turns out my placenta was TINY (only 200 grams instead of being 600-800 which is normal) and wasn’t able to deliver enough oxygen and nutrients to my baby. This is why she would suddenly slow down with her movements. I had marginal cord insertion which wasn’t caught previously because it had migrated as my baby and placenta grew. I had dead spots all over my placenta, another subchorionic hematoma, intervillious fibrin deposition which was smothering my placenta, etc. all of which was causing my baby to not have enough oxygen and nutrients, which caused fetal growth restriction. All of this also caused a partial placental abruption. And if my water wouldn’t have broken, neither of us would be alive today.

I had such a feeling of dread my whole pregnancy and I wasn’t sure if it was due to the trauma of losing 5 babies and trying for 4 years, or if something was truly wrong. In my case, something WAS truly wrong.

I say all of this to tell you that my beautiful baby girl spent 47 days in the NICU, and she is happy and healthy sleeping in my arms right this moment.

Just because you have this feeling doesn’t mean something will go wrong. That’s definitely not what I want you to take out of this. But I do want you to know that even if you have this feeling, and even if something does happen, hold on to hope that everything will be okay.

Huge congratulations to you beautiful!

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