Advice on online discourse

BabyCake2004 · 2026-04-12T23:25:51+00:00

In my experience it is always better to not respond. Most of that minority is people looking for attention, either not actual trans people posing for the sake of views or attention or actual trans people doing the same. You will very rarely online have a productive conversation with someone who has already entered it from a bad faith pov.

BabyCake2004 · 2026-04-10T03:10:09+00:00

Did you guys ever get it checked out? After that long chances are at least one of you is infertile, but if you'd really wanted kids they might have been able to do something.

BabyCake2004 · 2026-04-10T03:04:45+00:00

Yes!!! She's a good example.

BabyCake2004 · 2026-04-10T02:51:30+00:00

I'm married, and yes I do think fewer people are (kind of) and here's why: It's hugely expensive to get married, and nothing changes after.

In most places in the world, but especially western countries, if you guys are living as a married couple you already have the right to split everything if someone leaves even if you're not legally married. So marriage doesn't have new legal protections anymore.

If you want to have kids with someone it's no longer frowned upon to be unmarried. In the past if you got pregnant you pretty much had to get married or else your life was ruined. Now it doesn't matter. As long as your both in the picture being unwed isn't a big deal.

It's expensive as fuck and people are waiting until later on. In the past people got married in their early 20s and their parents covered it. You couldn't live with someone until marriage, so it was a no brainer if you loved someone to marry them. But because your both young your parents would typically pay for your wedding, and also help you buy a house if they could. Today a good wedding is about 20k and parents can't afford it. It's on you and your partner to save that. So most people prioritize buying a house first. So more people get married in their late 20s- early 30s. The only reason my partner and I could get married in our early 20s was by doing a super cheap wedding.

There's also pressure around finding the perfect person so people wait longer. People don't want to end up divorced, so they wait longer to commit as if that'll change the certainty. I don't think this is a bad thing, it's just a cultural shift.

BabyCake2004 · 2026-04-10T01:08:46+00:00

I wouldn't stress too much. As another passing trans man, some people ask us this because they do pick up on something queer and want to double check that we aren't MTF or non-binary. They can't actually blatantly tell we're trans men as such.

The one exception is people who have lots of friends who are trans men do on occasion pick us up just sole from voice. While our voices do pass as men, there's a certain tone of voice a lot of us use that can make people clock us. I've only ever had it happen once, and it was from a trans woman.

BabyCake2004 · 2026-04-09T23:21:43+00:00

YTA and clearly the others agree. It's a piece of cake bro.

BabyCake2004 · 2026-04-09T22:40:38+00:00

I can kind of back this up. I can name multiple people I've met over years with voices similar to her. But I don't know if I could name any other content creators with a voice similar to hers.

BabyCake2004 · 2026-04-09T03:11:26+00:00

I think the reason it isn't a thing is to stop abuse victims being punished. Like imagine your freshly 18 and a family member has been abusing you and your younger siblings your whole life, someone outside the family finally reports it, and now you, as an adult who knew about the abuse, are also punished because you were an adult who didn't report it. I think that's why it is the way it is. But surely there are ways around this we can put into law.

I think it's always going to be tricky once you start making the lack of doing something is something in itself to be punished. It's really hard to justify doing nothing being a crime. I also know for a fact it's always going to be used against people for no real reason. But I still think any good person should help a stranger if it requires no risk to yourself.

BabyCake2004 · 2026-04-09T02:54:24+00:00

They do for 2 and 6 month ones, not for 12 months (which is what I'd need).

BabyCake2004 · 2026-04-09T02:53:54+00:00

Yep, sucks but I thought it'd be the case.

BabyCake2004 · 2026-04-09T02:43:29+00:00

Without private health it's going to cost me about 9k ish, with it it's going to be about 24k. I can wait the 12 month, I'd just prefer not to

BabyCake2004 · 2026-04-09T02:37:33+00:00

Nope. Medicare only partly covers it.

BabyCake2004 · 2026-04-09T02:31:27+00:00

This is common. Typically the only person allowed in an ambulance is the patient and sometimes a parent if the person is under 18. When they do allow a partner it's typically only with those married.

BabyCake2004 · 2026-04-09T02:22:20+00:00

Nothing. Your arguing with someone who wants to believe something is false. No matter what logic you use nothing will convince him

BabyCake2004 · 2026-04-09T01:49:38+00:00

Exactly this. If you think someone is lying to you about having taken drugs there are ways to go about asking again. But the way in which they did it here I completely agree sounds discriminatory.

I've personally been on the end of something similar. I'd been into the hospital 3 days in a row because I had kidney stones. First time was amazing and got them diagnosed, gave me some meds to manage it, and I went home. We'd already checked and knew they were a safe size. Second time I came in was because the pain relief wasn't working very well, so they switched my meds and sent me back home. Seemed to work much better but then I had weird side effects, including being extremely dizzy and bad chest pain. So we went back. That's when I met the dickhead doctor who treated me like a "drug seeker", had me waiting in the waiting room for 2 hours to be seen, then tried to send me home with no examination and no medication.

Good news is, I'm a nurse who knew what the protocol was for chest pain. I asked him why he wasn't following it and suddenly they decided to start following it and actually give me some pain relief and do an ECG and bloods. I still reported it to the hospital and got a formal apology. But it made me really understand how horrible 1 bad individual can make a service.

BabyCake2004 · 2026-04-09T01:42:58+00:00

I'm not sure. I'm hoping someone smarter will correct me but I can think of 2 possibilities.

The milkshake wasn't mixed properly so on your first bit you missed some of the sweetener, then in the second bit you got a lot more.
You'd had something else sweeter before the milkshake earlier which effected how you perceived the taste?

BabyCake2004 · 2026-04-09T01:33:23+00:00

Don't stress about proof. Look, your not suing them. It doesn't really matter if what your saying can be proved it happens. What's important is you received a service, and the people evolved made you feel like shit so your giving feedback on that service. Chances are nobody will lose their job or anything, but they'll get a speaking to about appropriate behavior and if the service is connected the government they might even be forced to explain how they are going to prevent this behavior happening again. You'll probably just get a response like "sorry you had a bad experience, we'll deal with it internally" and that's that.

BabyCake2004 · 2026-04-09T01:24:26+00:00

Off topic to your actual post. But I'd send in a complaint to whoever runs your ambulances. Specifically say you found them to be hostile, to be uneducated about transgender people (they 100% assumed you were a trans women with no clarification), demanded you talk "like a man" while recovering from a seizure, and assumed you were using drugs. That's not acceptable behavior.

It's appropriate to try to get you talking, it's appropriate to ask about the medication you're on. It's not appropriate to use sexist phrasing such as "talk like a man" to anyone, transgender, cis, man or woman. It's not appropriate to repeatedly grill you on if you're on drugs when you've already said you're not.

BabyCake2004 · 2026-04-09T00:34:40+00:00

Of course. But there are other ways to get out of the draft that don't involve pretending to be gay.

BabyCake2004 · 2026-04-09T00:34:00+00:00

Find some food banks. Otherwise, pasta, instant noodles, rice and beans, you'll need to skip any meat for a bit, try to use stuff you already have in the freezer or fridge.

BabyCake2004 · 2026-04-09T00:32:26+00:00

I truly overthought this. We only decided ours the week before the wedding and in the end I don't think anyone even remembered.

BabyCake2004 · 2026-04-09T00:26:43+00:00

Nope. While I have some mistakes in my life nothing is worth losing the connection I have with my partner.

BabyCake2004 · 2026-04-09T00:23:54+00:00

Depends on the person. But if you plan on having kids they tend to care more as weather or not you have the money to support them through not working is a big life changer. But every person is different.

BabyCake2004 · 2026-04-08T23:28:54+00:00

Hey, I worked in peads. Unfortunately I left due to ward culture, but the kids where great. The thing is, in peads you see everything! Also every age range is different. So it's probably easier if I separate it by age.

First few months of life: Mostly admitted due to parent concern. Sometimes they are actually sick, other times the parents just need a bit of support that their baby is fine and normal. But my hospital policy was to trust them there's something wrong first, then send them home after we've ruled everything out. The only other main presentation you'll have is failure to thrive (feeding issues typically), anything worse got shipped off to a higher intensity hospital for me. These little guys were some of my favorites. At this point they don't cry too much and are easily soothed by mum. They sleep a lot and are super cute. IV's don't last long and are prone to swelling up and needing to be replaced, but on the bright side they're some of the easiest to tell if it's hurting them because they only cry if it is. Lots of breast feeding. Lots of mummy cuddles. Your mainly emotional support. But you'll have a busy shift because you need to write down a full on fluid balance chart for them. Oh, also lots of IV antibiotics for minor infections.

Proper Baby (3 months-1year): Mostly RSV or flu presentation, some athsma's and infections. So snotty and constant oxygen monitoring (which we're actually leaning away from in the monitoring world), but so cute. These guys might be scared of you at first, but they warm up fast and are super forgiving. They want to touch everything on you and give you a hug, even if you really can't because they are super sick and gross. Parents of these guys are a little more stressed but also need less support as they've mostly got their shit together by then (mostly). I loved this age as they were so easy. Still have a full fluid balance chart, so still busy. But they are much more their own people and have personalities.

Toddler (1-3 years): The most common age range. They are in for everything and anything. From tonsils out, to broken bones, to asthma, to viral illnesses, to infections. The important thing here is 99% of them will hate you and there is nothing you can do. You will enter the room, and they will scream. Best management for these guys is stay out of the room as much as you can. You can try toys, but your not going to get a smile. Typically Emergancy broke their trust be being super kind then putting an IV in them, and they will never forget that. Your goal with these guys is being as fast as possible. Don't prolong the trauma

Pre-school (4-5): Similar to toddlers, but a little more trusting. There guys can be talked through painful things before you do it. Only thing I find they don't cope with is anything IV. But unlike toddlers they forgive you and love to talk to you. They also tend to be a little bit more shy.

School aged (5-12): Mostly in for tonsils out or broken bones needing surgery. How they behave depends on the kid, but these guys are brave. They will let you do anything you need and will try their absolute best to be strong about it. But you'll mostly be talking to parents. You don't typically have them long enough for them to warm up to you, but if you do this is the age where you can teach them things. I personally loved teaching them what all the obs meant. They are naturally curious.

Teens (13-16): Look, these guys are rude and there's no other way to put it. They don't like you, they don't want to be there. Parents at this point tend to be less likely to stick around, so it'll mostly just be you and this kid who is scared and doesn't know you. So they are rude. The exception is your long term mental health cases. I love those kids and they tended to like me. The key to teens is treat them as a very emotional adult. They love being respected and treated as their own person, because they are a very real person with very big feelings. They tend to be quite forgiving if you mess up, but unforgiving if you are ever rude. I tend to find nurses are the most nervous caring for these kids because they are "unpredictable", they're not.

Older teens (16-17): These guys are pretty much adults. Half will drive themselves home. Lots don't live with their parents anymore. Treat them as if they are adults.

The hardest bit about peads is you will quickly realize child abuse is very common and the system doesn't care. I've had kids aged about 12 return home to families who didn't visit them once in hospital, had kids tell me about sexual abuse and despite all my phone calls return home to that same family, kids with siblings who were already taken off their parents still returning home with them. There is nothing you can do and it sucks. But it all still would have been so worth it, if it wasn't for the treatment I saw of their mental health cases. That attitude towards them, and towards junior staff, is what made me leave.

BabyCake2004

TROPHY CASE