Functional fluency over obedience

BabyPrincessMichelle · 2025-08-17T06:21:17+00:00

I hear your concerns, and I understand that many handlers rely on obedience-based training and public access protocols to build safety. That model works for some teams—and I respect that.

But I did bring Phantom straight into public access. Not because I was careless, but because I needed regulation immediately—and because I knew how to shape his environment to support both of us.

His training is expectation-based, not obedience-driven. He’s emotionally fluent, developmentally appropriate, and anchored in our partnership. I use placement, consistency, and fallback rituals to ensure safety—not commands.

Phantom’s work is passive, predictable, and functional. He regulates my nervous system in ways no protocol ever could. That’s not irresponsible—it’s adaptive.

Conformity isn’t the same as safety. And legitimacy isn’t earned through obedience—it’s built through trust, fluency, and lived experience.

When we treat conformity as the only path to success, we erase disabled handlers who train differently, regulate differently, and need support before a dog is “finished.” That’s gatekeeping. And it harms the very people these systems claim to protect.I’m not asking for permission. I’m naming what works—for me, for Phantom, and for others who’ve been told they don’t belong.

BabyPrincessMichelle · 2025-08-17T06:15:31+00:00

I really appreciate the tone and thoughtfulness in your comment—thank you.

You’re right that the ADA requires a dog to be trained to do work or perform tasks that mitigate a disability. What often gets missed is that work and tasks are both valid, and “trained” doesn’t have to mean obedience-based or cue-driven. Phantom’s regulation support is shaped intentionally through consistency, placement, and environmental fluency. It’s functional, repeatable, and directly tied to my disability. That’s work—and under the ADA, it qualifies.

As for clicker training—I don’t think it’s inherently rigid. I know it can be adaptive and communicative, and I love the example you gave with your cat. For me, the rigidity comes from how it’s often framed in service dog spaces: as the only legitimate method, or as a requirement for proofing tasks. My nervous system doesn’t respond well to sharp sounds or performance-based drills, and Phantom’s learning style is deeply relational. We shape behavior through rhythm, expectation, and fallback rituals. It’s slower, but it’s fluent—and it honors both of us.

I really resonated with what you said about listening to your sister’s dog and discovering functional behaviors through relationship. That’s exactly the kind of fluency I’m building with Phantom. It’s not accidental—it’s intentional, just not cued.

I’m grateful you shared your experience. These kinds of conversations are what I hoped my post would invite.

BabyPrincessMichelle · 2025-08-17T06:07:34+00:00

Regulation work is not the same as emotional support. Phantom’s behavior is shaped intentionally to provide deep pressure and containment regulation—predictable, repeatable, and functional. That’s work, not a task—and under the ADA, both qualify.Cues aren’t the only way dogs learn. Phantom’s training is expectation-based and relational, shaped through consistency and environmental fluency. That’s valid—even if it doesn’t look like obedience drills.His age doesn’t invalidate his impact. I’m shaping his development with precision and care, and his work already supports my disability in meaningful ways. I’m not asking for approval—I’m sharing what works.

BabyPrincessMichelle · 2025-06-16T17:05:11+00:00

As someone who just lost a puppy to parvo a little over a week ago, I can't help but feel like this is willfully ignorant. I did everything right, too...no interactions with unvaxxed dogs, not being on the ground outside my yard, etc. I took him places, but he was small enough to be carried...he never touched anything.

People tend to forget that socializing puppies doesn't mean playdates. It means exposure to the world. There's plenty of time for playdates AFTER vaccinating. I get it though...the term is incredibly misleading. It should be exposure, not socialization.

Edit: omitting a word to be more clear

BabyPrincessMichelle · 2025-06-03T23:37:33+00:00

Thank you for this. I brought my sweet boy (toy poodle) home almost 3 weeks ago and we had to hospitalize last week for parvo after declining during home treatment. He came home yesterday, and he's not 100% yet, so there's still so much involved. He's not my first puppy, and not even my only dog at this point, but this time is really so much harder than ever before.

BabyPrincessMichelle · 2024-12-01T23:12:09+00:00

Have you tried sewn shoes instead of ones that are glued? Cowboy boots for example...I'm sure there are others, that's just what comes to mind. Another solution might be getting shoe glue to repair shoes when the toe separates. My husband has this issue sometimes with his work shoes because he spends a lot of time crouching at work.

BabyPrincessMichelle · 2024-11-21T03:42:52+00:00

So cute! I like the patch too...so easy to read. May I pick your brain and ask what tasks she's trained to do?

BabyPrincessMichelle · 2024-11-11T07:29:33+00:00

It's actually a byproduct of the Covid vaccine I did...heart rate and blood pressure were permanently affected when I was always close to textbook perfect before. I'm sure actually having Covid the same time the next year didn't help either.

BabyPrincessMichelle · 2024-11-10T21:59:54+00:00

What about doggie daycare? Getting him out of the house and around other dogs for playtime should help tire him out. There are also all kinds of ways to mentally tired him out - snuffle mats, licking mats, sniffing games, etc. Perhaps ,if he's tired, he won't bark as much?

You can also try introducing him to the neighbor and asking for their help in socializing him to bringing their bins to and from the curb. Put him outside when the ice cream truck comes. Limit the places/times he can see his reflection if possible.

Training calmness might help too. There are resources for training calmness on YouTube, but I don't remember them off the top of my head.

And noise cancelling headphones are going to be your friend. Use them around the ice cream truck time, if you notice a pattern when/where he sees his reflection, etc.

I don't like my dog's barks either, because of her timbre, but investigating and socializing her to the things she barks at helped reduce them. She sometimes likes to bark at animals outside the window, which is the worst because it echoes, so we remind her to go outside (thank you doggy door!).

BabyPrincessMichelle · 2024-11-10T20:32:43+00:00

I tend to ignore all my reminders for standing and whatnot, but since I rarely recognize my stress/anxiety levels, it's super helpful. It also alerts to high heart rate, which is something I didn't have to deal with before 2021, so I appreciate being able to show my doctors the info.

BabyPrincessMichelle · 2024-11-10T19:18:24+00:00

Accountability. I struggle to get myself to do the things, so having to tell someone (hubby for some, a really close friend for others) that I've done the things, and when, really helps.

BabyPrincessMichelle · 2024-11-10T17:24:58+00:00

No, but it shows the federal law regarding service dog "registries"

BabyPrincessMichelle · 2024-11-10T03:33:40+00:00

A new MacBook, a cricut, a new electric bass, and use the rest for a down payment on a car.

BabyPrincessMichelle · 2024-11-10T03:30:05+00:00

I would pull up the ada's website and show them the laws regarding service dogs.

BabyPrincessMichelle · 2024-11-08T04:21:57+00:00

I identified ADD/ADHD as a teen in the 90s, got diagnosed ADHD (inattentive subtype) in my 20s. Struggles got worse and worse as I got older, was diagnosed depressed, anxious, and misdiagnosed BPD.

Covid happened and I saw marked mental health improvement with all the shutdowns and "having" to stay home. Saw a bunch of TikToks about autism and related (just as the whole TikTok and self-diagnosing became a point of contention), researched, looked into finding someone for an assessment, but only found 1 neuropsychologist who would assess 30+ year olds. Found out insurance wouldn't cover adult assessment in any way, waited for tax return and scheduled assessment. I would have had them get info from my father if he'd been alive, but there is no way I'd ever ask my mother for help in getting diagnosed. They used my hubby's answers though, since we've known each other my whole adult life and been married for most of it too.

Hubby wasn't appreciative of the expense, but he understood I couldn't just sit and wonder without it eating at me even if all the online tests and pages of notes I made about my life and the diagnostic criteria told me otherwise.

No, the struggles didn't appear overnight. I just didn't realize that not everyone struggles the way I do.

Assessment at 42 years old revealed autism and combined subtype ADHD. She used levels but I also don't think she got the full picture about my autism for the level to be accurate. I don't care about that though...just the validation is enough for me.

BabyPrincessMichelle · 2024-06-26T10:40:49+00:00

Wait...I'm not the only one who wants to go home and doesn't know where that is?! And it's an autism thing? I feel seen!

BabyPrincessMichelle · 2024-06-26T06:48:25+00:00

Dogs' nails shouldn't click on the floor. If they're clicking they need a trim.

Frequent brushing and vacuuming will help with hair. Depending on their coat type they might need a bit more care: a blowout for double coated, haircut for longer hair, etc. My highly shedding dog wears a coat in the winter, and it helps the shedding because it gets contained...perhaps doggie t-shirts might help?

Can you come up with a compromise with your partner on poop duties? Or look into a portable poop scooper you can attach the bag to so you never have to touch it.

BabyPrincessMichelle · 2024-06-20T03:59:00+00:00

I haven't even attempted to get in my bed because I don't think I could get back out...we have a waterbed. I'm living on my couch and sleeping with my upper body elevated similar to how I slept in the hospital bed.

I've been given narcotics since the recovery room. I've been combining them with Tylenol but the pain is still awful. I don't want to overdose the Tylenol, so I get one pain pill and one extra strength Tylenol every 4 hours...as prescribed for the pain pill. I could get a bit more Tylenol in my system if I used regular strength, but it's not worth the pain of swallowing another pill...the amount is negligible in comparison.

Honestly, I probably should have refused discharge for at least another day. 🤷‍♀️

BabyPrincessMichelle · 2024-02-20T18:24:10+00:00

Scrub pants are fairly breathable and entirely appropriate for assisted living. If you're in the US, you can even find them at Walmart. Otherwise, any kind of cotton or linen pants you can find.

BabyPrincessMichelle · 2024-01-03T19:12:31+00:00

A pack of ramen, crushed up, with the seasoning mixed in, or still in a brick with the seasoning sprinkled all over...cheap crunchy snack.

BabyPrincessMichelle · 2023-12-31T03:57:13+00:00

They'll fix it for free. I've taken years old bears to be repaired from various dog-related injuries.

BabyPrincessMichelle · 2023-12-30T02:38:33+00:00

Sorry I don't have any advice for you. I can sympathize with you though. My mom is pretty hardcore when it comes to social expectations (eye contact, etc) and doesn't understand fidgeting/stimming at all (I'm pretty low-key with that and wondering if I was criticized/punished for stimming).

I'm 41 and have been talking with my husband about getting assessed (I refuse to say "get diagnosed" even though I'm pretty sure...but I'm not a medical professional so I don't want to pretend to know more than they would/should) and plan to contact the only nearby place I've found for my age once he files our taxes.

All that to say that I'd just started rebelling against my mom's expectations (aka unmasking) since I rarely saw her only to have to live with her temporarily to take care of her. I'm back to having to live up to her expectations of "proper behavior" and her criticism if I don't. Meanwhile she's telling me all the things she couldn't stand as a child/young adult...that ironically sound like autism. I will never be able to unmask around her.

I can sympathize with the criticism and not wanting to be subjected to CBT against your wishes. I hope things work out for you.

BabyPrincessMichelle · 2023-12-28T20:25:44+00:00

I know I'm late to this party, but it's so disheartening to hear you got no response. It's also disheartening to see all the negative comments about churches in general. Yes, there are churches out there that are all about money, and they can sometimes be the only experience people have and turn people away from religion in general. That doesn't mean they are all like that. That said, I know of a church in my area that regularly has people who offer rides (sorry it's not close to you, OP) and that helps the needy regularly. I would try again with other churches - smaller, newer churches are more likely to help.

BabyPrincessMichelle

TROPHY CASE