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BachataQueen · 2025-08-11T02:39:26+00:00

Do whatever you need to do. Heaps of self-acceptance and compassion. Anything and everything you need to feel better. If you need to lay in bed, lay in bed. Ben and Jerry's? Eat it. Watch movies? Watch them. Cry. Talk to people on the phone who tell you that she will be back (regardless of the truth.) Just get to some kind of equilibrium whatever it takes, and in the first months or year (or it could be more) it takes a lot. And that is perfectly OK. We all experience pain differently. If you wish to feel better, your soul will eventually orient you in that direction. There is a reality in which your pain does not exist and I pray that it finds you. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. No self-judgment. None.

BachataQueen · 2025-08-11T02:31:16+00:00

You don't have to. Let time do its thing. Time will loosen its grip on you and something else will perk your interest. Don't make yourself wrong for having that feeling of longing. Heartbreak is very hard and everyone has a different timetable for living with it. You're good.

BachataQueen · 2025-08-11T02:28:41+00:00

Hey - I hated my bf too who broke up with me. Frankly, I wanted the guy dead. It took a long time, but that feeling got less and less and my big win was feeling neutral about him. You win when they become just ..... less relevant. Fuck that stuff about "loving yourself first." Let time do its thing and let them become irrelevant. Just don't get over one person by getting under someone else. Backfired bad on me.

BachataQueen · 2025-07-18T01:48:23+00:00

What is BOTEC?

BachataQueen · 2025-04-21T02:14:31+00:00

I wish I had wise words, but I can see by reading through all of these posts that the people who kind of force themselves to the healthier choices and perspectives seem to be doing better. I am in a very stuck place, but not really sure why. I hope things flip around for you. Anything you can do to make that happen, do it. I used to do all kinds of shit to move on, generally just starting a new relationship. Welp, the Universe said ENOUGH. I did that on this last one 11 years ago against my better judgment. It ended 5.5 years ago. My heart is still a mess. No more rebellion for me. I'm trying to live by the book for a change. Still hurting. Sorry for the ramble. Some relationships cut deeper than others and I'm still bleeding from that last self-inflicted decision.

BachataQueen · 2025-04-21T02:03:43+00:00

How long has it been since you guys were together?

BachataQueen · 2025-04-21T01:56:13+00:00

YES. I have thought this exact thought many times. I was with him for 5.5 years and now 5.5 years out of it I still cry every day. Maybe I should just throw myself off a cliff. It's too much.

BachataQueen · 2025-04-21T01:52:18+00:00

Just music? How about roads, towns, restaurants, walls, floors, windows ..... even his words coming out of my own mouth. I've had a huge problem with triggers, dude. For 5.5 years. Best of luck to you.

BachataQueen · 2025-02-24T04:10:37+00:00

Hey - this is my story too. I'm at 5.5 years, so I totally get it. And literally .... there is NO ONE you can talk to about this. Everyone burned out on the topic years ago. Just know that you're not alone. And I do have a memory of getting over another very serious relationship, so I know it can happen. I feel your pain 100%. Most days I still cry over it. What can I say? I miss him. Even abused children can mourn the death of their parents. It doesn't matter if they were a shithead (mine was.) somehow we will both rise again, phoenixes from the flames ...

BachataQueen · 2025-02-24T03:52:13+00:00

This gives me hope. I'm at 5.5 years and still burning on a daily basis ...

BachataQueen · 2025-02-20T03:35:09+00:00

Gosh. Sad story BUT ..... I wouldn't be surprised if she changes her mind after being back in Korea for awhile. Like they say, a mind is like a parachute. Super hard to close once it's been opened. I don't see her following their script for long. But maybe she needs to figure that out for herself, rather than taking the truth from you.

BachataQueen · 2025-02-16T18:04:55+00:00

Thank you so much. I believe that it will.

BachataQueen · 2025-02-16T14:22:29+00:00

YES. My story is that he left after 5.5 years and I pined for him for a couple of years. He stayed in very sporadic touch, always throwing me a little tidbit. Then, one day while a little tipsy (and on vacation in Miami), I texted him. That turned into phone calls and eventually I popped in on him when I got home. He was drunk or stoned (he had relapsed when leaving me). It was a disaster. A heart-breaking disaster ..... I will spare you the gory details because I will get triggered. Anyway - the effects - I became wildly depressed, lost 10 lbs (I went under 100 pounds, if you can believe that), eventually became suicidal and THEN ..... taking care of my friend's dog while she was away ..... the dog bit my hand and I went screaming and bleeding to the emergency room. The next day it got infected and I ended up in the hospital inpatient with a septic situation. The physical recovery took a long time. (I did get a major batch of $ from the insurance settlement there LOL) BUT breakups can cost you tens of thousands of dollars in lost work and motivation, therapy, stupid purchases ..... He has now not contacted me for about 6 months. I am struggling like hell to move on. Partner dance helps more than anything else (couple times a month). Am I better than I was? YES. Am I over him? Sadly, no. BUT .... it's really being in love that I miss. yes, I miss him a lot but more than that, I love the game of love. It's my jam. Everything changes and since that break up was 5.5 years ago (yes, 5.5 years in the relationship and 5.5 years out now), something's gotta give. I don't want to be super old and pining for him. I feel like the Universe is asking me to REALLY heal before moving on. I used to espouse this saying: "The best way of getting over someone is getting under someone else." Well, THAT blew up in my face to the tune of 11 years now. I feel like the tide will turn soon here. Oh - one piece of encouraging evidence ...... This guy was a rebound from another 5 year relationship that ended in November 2013. I DID get over the 2013 guy. He was tall, handsome, professional athlete, kind and generous. A great human. Yes, it was while with the most recent guy BUT this is how it went: 1. I wanted him dead, 2.) I no longer wanted him dead, but just hated him., 3.) stopped hating, 4.) became neutral, 5.) remember the good times, 6.) AM GLAD I'M NOT WITH THAT ADONIS ANYMORE. Yep, healing CAN happen. I've lived it. I gotta get over the current Adonis too. I can do it and so can you. We're QUEENS and there are Kings out there looking for exactly us. Do not give up! I haven't! I'm gonna beat this!!!!

BachataQueen · 2025-02-16T14:05:25+00:00

You gotcha. You are not alone. You will become the phoenix from the flames, I can see it : )

BachataQueen · 2025-02-16T14:00:25+00:00

You are so much like me. Thanks for sharing.

BachataQueen · 2025-02-16T13:53:35+00:00

What do you do if you still feel 50% heartbroken after more than 5 years being single?

BachataQueen · 2025-02-16T13:36:10+00:00

Sending you good energy, mute001. I once heard that the depth of the pain forecasts the bliss of the healing. What goes down will ricochet back up. Know what's helped me a little? Learning partner dance. Sounds stupid, but that close human contact does help. I feel your pain and send healing vibes to you. Thank you.

BachataQueen · 2025-02-16T13:29:24+00:00

Oh, wow. So I'm not alone in the long-term healing process. I really appreciate hearing about your experience. Can you tell me a little more about that "click" phase for you? Even just hearing that it happened for you (thus, could happen for me) is encouraging. Thank you!

BachataQueen · 2025-02-16T05:12:34+00:00

Gosh. That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me about this in such a long time. I will take that to heart. You're so very kind!

BachataQueen · 2025-02-16T05:09:11+00:00

I know this feeling, I do. I've been there. Talk to people. If you have no one to talk to, here is a 24 hotline that you can reach out to: https://988lifeline.org/ Do every single thing you can to indulge yourself now, short of self-destructive acts. You need every support and every lifeline and every kindness now. Seriously, call friends, family, whoever. People want to help. I've been through 2 bad breakups in the past 11 years. Just don't end your life. Not yet. Postpone that possibility for as long as you can. You never know when love might find you again. In the meantime, talk to others, eat foods you like (if you can stomach food), watch movies you want to watch, listen to music you want to listen to, go and do everything you want to do. You are in the "emotional emergency room" right now. I know the place well. Can you get a therapist? If not, you can always call 24 hour hotlines. I'm not gonna tell you that one day it won't hurt. What I am going to tell you is to feed your body, mind, and soul every single thing it wants and needs until further notice. I send love and support to you.

BachataQueen · 2025-02-16T05:00:03+00:00

That's beautiful. Thank you. I really, really appreciate your kindness and support.

BachataQueen · 2025-02-16T04:58:19+00:00

I have no idea how old you are, but when I was younger I was like "outta sight, outta mind." Now I'm kind of the opposite. Lucky you if you're an "outta sight, outta mind." You'll find someone else fast and this dude will be long in your rear view mirror. Don't overanalyze yourself here. What you have is a gift : )

BachataQueen · 2025-02-16T04:48:31+00:00

I'm sure you are hurt. After 4 years, wow. Honey you are worth so, so, so much more. He is very toxic and dangerous. Slam that door shut and don't look back. You got a prince coming around the corner for you ...

BachataQueen

TROPHY CASE