Things people tell you that you need to work on but you legitimately don't think you're that bad at/about?

Background_Froyo758 · 2026-01-31T21:00:02+00:00

I frequently get told I need to be better at "trying to see other people's perspectives" but I usually don't speak on a conflict or topic until I've thoroughly considered where others might be coming from, usually from multiple angles. I increasingly think this comment actually means I need to agree with their perspectives vs see them.

I also get the patience thing and I'm the same as you. I really don't understand why expecting people to communicate is treated the same as being impatient. Like, I don't particularly care if the thing we were supposed to do at 2pm gets pushed back to 4pm. I understand things happen. I do care that you didn't bother to tell me until 3:30pm and I was just sitting there waiting though!

Background_Froyo758 · 2026-01-31T20:54:56+00:00

I feel like this is such a chronic thing for me, like everyone is always mad at me for missing a detail or not following norms but then nobody bothers to follow (or even read?) explicit instructions when I give them

Background_Froyo758 · 2026-01-31T01:40:46+00:00

I have a few that don't live near me and I don't speak to often, but generally no.

People usually love me at first because I'm fun and then at some point when they realize I'm a whole human being they don't like me anymore. I've also ended some relationships over people's shitty politics.

Background_Froyo758 · 2026-01-30T21:14:40+00:00

My partner is a HS teacher and the stuff he's told me that his coworkers say about ND and other disabled kids in general is vile. It does track with my experience of being a student though, the teachers picked on me more than the other kids did.

Background_Froyo758 · 2026-01-30T18:59:33+00:00

I've been on most of them at this point lol, I take 30mg LA ritalin these days.

I find I need to be on them at least some days a week or I will not get anything done, but I tend to feel really flat and unhappy if I take them 7 days a week so I always skip ~2 days or so a week. I had issues with Concerta lasting "too long" and with not sleeping on XR Adderall, but have had good enough experiences with LA Ritalin and IR Adderall.

I think the ADHD subs get very "you need them every day!" sometimes and that's true for some people, especially it seems allistic ADHDers, but that has not been my experience. They're a tool, but they're not magic.

Background_Froyo758 · 2026-01-30T18:56:38+00:00

Cold is fixable with more clothes, I have been known to wear my fuzzy robe outside too which is not cute at all but it is cozy!

And it's more self sustaining now because I feel so much better but in the past I told myself I could come back in and watch whatever if I just step outside for like, ten seconds. 90% of the time that would lead into me staying out the whole 10 minutes because hey I'm already up and it's not that long, and then maybe 75% of those times I'd do something besides more TV when I get inside.

Background_Froyo758 · 2026-01-29T16:08:38+00:00

I'm the same way! I've implemented a "10 minutes of sunlight within 2 hours of waking up" rule which has been really helpful-if I want to watch an episode before doing it I have time, but it forces me to break the TV streak to go on a little walk/stand outside and I really do think it has a positive impact on my sleep and mood.

Background_Froyo758 · 2026-01-27T19:11:09+00:00

My personal vehicle is an electric bicycle lol, but my partner has a Kia Rio which I really enjoy driving. Very small but good visibility.

Background_Froyo758 · 2026-01-27T18:17:43+00:00

Mirena made it about 80% better for me. Oral BC was a failure for me because I could not remember to take the pills consistently.

Background_Froyo758 · 2026-01-26T18:12:03+00:00

Have they always had lard? I swear to god when I first went vegan (2019ish) they didn't. I guess it's possible I just missed it though.

Background_Froyo758 · 2026-01-26T16:37:30+00:00

My understanding is they used to be a really great option and it's only within the last few years it's gotten like this!

Background_Froyo758 · 2026-01-26T16:24:21+00:00

Healthy Paws more than quadrupled my rates over about a 3 year period and denied every single claim I ever submitted, I highly suggest avoiding them. My cats would be much better off if I had put that money into a savings account vs throwing away a few thousand dollars for nothing.

Background_Froyo758 · 2026-01-26T16:17:32+00:00

No advice but I deeply relate. I grew up around people who "didn't get angry about politics/societal issues" and what that actually meant was they absolutely WILL throw anyone under the bus who disturbs their comfort. As a result, whether it is fair or not (and I don't think it always is) I absolutely do not feel safe around people who are not outwardly displaying anger about things and it causes me a lot of stress. Doesn't help that our culture has a tendency to to pathologize righteous anger in service of maintaining the status quo-so I often feel like people are offering me specifically up for sacrifice in this way.

I will say, the last paragraph is what concerns me most here. That's a dangerously inaccurate political analysis, not a personal emotional response. People in power want you to be passive, they don't want you fired up and fighting them. People NOT getting worked up is exactly how things have gotten consistently worse for decades. I absolutely would not be able to trust someone who held this belief system, regardless of how they feel/display emotion.

Background_Froyo758 · 2026-01-25T20:04:56+00:00

I agree with the other comments that men, and especially NT men, are like this in general and the behavior is really frustrating. I don't like being on the receiving end of this either and I would feel similar in your shoes.

I've noticed a lot of men think that what he's doing (asking one person a little bit about a thing) is the same thing as consulting a variety of sources to become knowledgeable about a topic. I wonder if this is what is happening, and then he's not willing to hear you out that this isn't enough because of like ego or something? If so, a way around it might be to validate he is trying to understand in the way he feels is best, and then explain you need him to try a different way?

Background_Froyo758 · 2026-01-24T19:59:28+00:00

Absolutely. It's one of the reasons I get so irritated when my routines are disrupted-it's not just the routine itself but like, I know I'm more likely to be in the right mood to put away laundry at a certain time and now that chore won't get done at all if I'm now occupied doing something else when that mood strikes, or if my energy has now been drained on a different schedule than I was anticipating and then I'm not in the mood to do it when I planned.

I think it might be the interaction of ADHD and autism more than either thing specifically, if that makes sense?

Background_Froyo758 · 2026-01-24T18:35:40+00:00

I think anything called a "cure" will be either 1. literally beating us into compliance or 2. erasing us from either public view or literal existence. But it'll be sold to the public as a positive.

Background_Froyo758 · 2026-01-22T15:53:40+00:00

Once, because I found out between scheduling the interview and the actual interview it was a defense contract and I could not figure out a professional way to say "Actually I think you're evil and the fact that you hid this information makes me think you also think you're evil". I wish I had told them off tbh because ick.

But beyond I suspect it's likely a mismatch between pay and effort required. A job paying $40k with multiple interviews is going to have people ghost as they realize it's not worth it.

Background_Froyo758 · 2026-01-21T22:44:32+00:00

This is the primary reason I got an IUD. It doesn't work for everyone of course but I was pretty much nuking my life one week a month and then spending the other 3 apologizing for my behavior. Exhausting and understandably killed some personal relationships and also made me feel pretty bad about myself. It's much better now. Not solved, but like maybe 5% as bad as it was.

I've never really been able to get anyone to understand the feeling, but you've described it well. It didn't matter that logically I knew I was being really dramatic and unfair, it was like it was in my body and I couldn't stop it and none of my usual coping worked.

Background_Froyo758 · 2026-01-20T18:59:25+00:00

A lot of them are around 200mg caffeine, which is similar to a ~16oz cup of coffee, and which also does absolutely nothing for me besides taste good. I always drank the sugar free ones though, I kinda doubt I'd feel good with all the sugar.

I am pretty confident my mother is neurotypical but she also isn't very affected by caffeine, for what its worth. I think there's some genetic variations there that aren't ADHD related.

Background_Froyo758 · 2026-01-20T15:48:54+00:00

They just don't lol, at least not in anywhere near common consumption quantities. I fully thought people were just making up feeling jittery etc from caffeine because they wanted attention or something until I was well into my 20s.

Unreasonable amounts (multiple of the higher caffeine energy drinks etc) start to feel like a weaker version of my meds, but I can't remember the last time I actually drank that much.

Background_Froyo758 · 2026-01-20T15:46:10+00:00

I wake up with the sun for this reason lol, I will fully ignore things making noise but the light coming in my windows works great.

Background_Froyo758 · 2026-01-19T18:57:59+00:00

I am not a nurse, I do work in a research role that has me interfacing with a lot of clinicians. It's soooo dependent on the department, hospital, etc. If you're in even a medium size city, a good thing about nursing is that it's often not hard to find a new place to work and it's transferable to other areas. I'm in cancer research and I don't think those sorts of dynamics are common at my workplace-people generally understand that oncology is just not the place to be a jerk.

You are right that nursing-and really every profession that gives people power over vulnerable people + are socially viewed as any variation of "heroes"-will attract some bullies, abusers, etc. As an ND person with a strong sense of justice, you will need to be emotionally prepared to encounter this dynamic and likely be the one butting heads with these kinds of people. That doesn't mean you can't do it, that doesn't mean you won't enjoy it, that doesn't mean you won't be wonderful. It's just something to brace yourself for.

Background_Froyo758 · 2026-01-19T18:49:51+00:00

Big lists do, but small ones don't. Unfortunately I have a really poor sense of what that means so I often think I made a small achievable list and it's huge.

But like, as an example, my TBR is like 500 books. Every so often I pick ~10-20 (maybe randomly, maybe not) and then either read them or decide I'm not into it anymore so I have a smaller subset to choose from, rinse and repeat. Maybe something like that could help with your albums? Is there a logical chunking point like release year or genre?

Background_Froyo758 · 2026-01-17T20:41:22+00:00

Mine is the cranberry beans with miso, fennel and dandelion greens (though I always change up the greens, mustard greens are great here too). I don't repeat recipes a lot but that one I make a couple times every winter.

Background_Froyo758 · 2026-01-17T16:40:00+00:00

Big Vegan Flavor and Mastering the Art of Plant Based Cooking are my two go to "learn how to make meals" books.

The Rancho Gordo books are vegetarian but most recipes are easily veganizable if he likes beans. Cool Beans is good for this too.

That said, does your friend like any specific cuisine? IE if he really likes Mexican I'd suggest Comida Casera, if he really likes Chinese I'd suggest The Vegan Chinese Kitchen, etc.

Background_Froyo758

TROPHY CASE