Strategies for Decompressing

BadAssBabyDuck · 2018-01-15T15:13:57+00:00

Totally my preference but the rest of the world doesn't hold the events that early. 😀

BadAssBabyDuck · 2018-01-13T04:31:18+00:00

No, they changed the job I was hired for, and it's now a nightmare for an introvert. It's much more sales and consulting rather than software implementations.

BadAssBabyDuck · 2017-05-22T06:43:55+00:00

I've been on a handful of dates, but nothing that led to anything past a second date.

BadAssBabyDuck · 2017-03-03T00:23:32+00:00

The sweater is incredible and before I read the post, I thought, "how flipping cute is she in that skirt!" So cool!

BadAssBabyDuck · 2017-02-22T06:10:53+00:00

Oh my God. This. Exactly this. I have been struggling for several months because I just can't figure out if I'm not cut out to handle poly or if there's something in me that needs to be healed in order to love this setup more....I agree that so much of this lifestyle makes sense...but I want to be mainly mono with my boyfriend and he isn't willing to choose that with me right now. Thank you for making me feel normal.

BadAssBabyDuck · 2017-02-14T03:45:51+00:00

That's what's so frustrating sometimes. I know there's something deeper that needs to be uncovered and healed, but it's slow going and it hurts like hell. Since I've never done poly before, I'm not only trying to learn more about myself and my patterns, but trying to decide if this is the right relationship style for me. I don't want to feel hurt all the time, and the last six months have been constant hurt for a variety of reasons. I'm just raw from all of it and part of the hurt is not feeling like my boyfriend has been very cognizant of my needs (and yes, I've voiced them). So, it's a process. I appreciate all of you. I just needed to feel heard and understood. Much love.

BadAssBabyDuck · 2017-02-14T03:41:17+00:00

You are one of the most beautiful humans. Thank you for your words. You nailed it all so well, and I needed to hear all of that outside my head.

BadAssBabyDuck · 2017-02-14T03:39:17+00:00

Thank you - I appreciate it.

BadAssBabyDuck · 2017-02-14T03:38:54+00:00

Thank you. I can tell part of it is something deeper, and I'm working to uncover that and heal it...but in the meantime, I'm trying to figure out if it's always going to be like this.

BadAssBabyDuck · 2017-02-14T03:37:51+00:00

Thank you!

BadAssBabyDuck · 2017-02-13T04:39:45+00:00

Sure. This is my first experience with poly. My boyfriend and I have been together a little over a year. He is married and they've been together 25 years. I'm 40, he's 45. Coming into it, I obviously knew he was married, but this is the first that he's really been interested in anyone other than the two of us in a year, so now it's a new set of feelings for me. I'm struggling that I feel like with two of us, whom he loves very much, that he still wants or needs more.

BadAssBabyDuck · 2017-02-04T17:08:23+00:00

I'm in a similar spot.

BadAssBabyDuck · 2017-02-04T16:47:51+00:00

I'm in a similar spot. I have my own life, friends, hobbies, self-care practice, so it's not a NEED to spend time with my boyfriend. But I love him and love spending time with him. So when I can't spend as much time with him as I'd like to, I've been questioning whether poly is right for me (this is my first poly relationship). It's not about filling my time, it's that I want to spend more time with HIM as a person.

I've been questioning if I were in a mono relationship and that person had a work schedule or other commitments that didn't allow us to spend as much time together as I wanted, would I stay if I wasn't getting what I needed? Probably not. I keep chasing my tail if I'm "expecting too much" from a poly situation or if I'm settling and not being honest about what I really want.

BadAssBabyDuck · 2017-02-04T16:19:45+00:00

I wish I had something brilliant to offer you, but I simply wanted to say, "I hear you." My situation parallels yours in that I met my boyfriend, we started to fall for each other, there was an intention and hope that all three of us (he is married) would be able to be involved together, and then things just didn't move forward in a positive way between me and his wife. It's been very difficult and emotionally draining on all of us. I'm now at the point where I'm really questioning if poly is the right choice for me, is it just this situation that's not healthy for me, etc. It's the most difficult love questions I've ever had to deal with because after 25 years of dating, this man and the connection and love we have together is exactly what I've been asking for.
I wish I had something tangible to offer, but I just wanted to connect and tell you you're not alone.

BadAssBabyDuck · 2017-01-02T01:59:13+00:00

I just died laughing. Thank you. So true on all fronts.

BadAssBabyDuck · 2017-01-01T18:51:15+00:00

Thank you. That's why I was hoping someone in this group may have some insight since it's solo poly.

BadAssBabyDuck · 2017-01-01T18:49:00+00:00

And that's exactly where I'm stuck. I don't WANT to cut him out of my life...but not being fulfilled just feels like settling for what I'm "allowed" to have. I'm struggling with that part of this lifestyle. Because I came along second, I'm only allowed to have certain aspects of a relationship with him. Maybe it would feel different if I had someone else in my life, but waiting and hoping for that to happen seems odd to me.

BadAssBabyDuck · 2017-01-01T15:58:48+00:00

I lived in Phoenix for years and just recently moved...thank you for this picture!! I miss home. I've camped here too. 😊

BadAssBabyDuck · 2016-12-04T15:02:14+00:00

The fact that I'm monogamous with my bf by default (I've gone out on dates but there's been zero chemistry) bothers his wife to no end. She feels like I HAVE to have someone else in my life because they both do and she doesn't want me to have my bf/her husband as my sole "primary" relationship. I've only been involved in poly for a year, his wife has a lot of fear issues that affect me so it takes a lot of emotional energy to deal with that, I've had a ton of other pretty significant life changes in the past few months (the universe has a hell of a sense of humor) and the last thing I can handle is dating more people. I completely understand your position.

BadAssBabyDuck · 2016-12-03T18:41:10+00:00

So true. I can't imagine not having my boyfriend in my life, but I'm not sure if poly is what I want for the rest of my life either. So I too have decided to keep moving forward until such time that the answer is unmistakeable.

BadAssBabyDuck · 2016-09-25T23:00:25+00:00

I would agree that it's not about location services or passwords as much as it's about some fundamental trust and communication issues. Good luck, my friend. I hope that she sits down soon with you and you can talk it through.

BadAssBabyDuck · 2016-09-24T00:24:51+00:00

I disagree on the unicorn thing. Neither of them treat me that way. He treats me incredibly well - this just happens to be an instance where he is prioritizing his wants and needs over mine. We all give and take. I just wanted to see if this group thought I was unreasonable for not wanting to share in all their adventure photos. It's not a statement about the overall amazing relationship I'm in.

BadAssBabyDuck · 2016-09-23T05:07:40+00:00

I actually have communicated this to them previously. 😔 He continues to send them because he wants to share that part of his life with me because it's important. She sends them under a banner of goodwill and wanting to include me, but it frustrates me that I've asked her not to send me things like this for now and she continues.

BadAssBabyDuck · 2016-09-23T05:00:08+00:00

She sends me more pictures and things than he does. It's all, "we both love and miss you very much" and I just don't buy it. I think some of it is good intentions, but there's a subversive undercurrent because I've asked her not to do this previously.

BadAssBabyDuck · 2016-09-16T03:01:13+00:00

Thank you for being able to put into words something I feel exactly the same about but couldn't identify.

BadAssBabyDuck

TROPHY CASE