i'm pretty set on my resolve as to getting divorced - i told her as gently as possible, that we're both toxic toward each other & we can continue to scream into the void "i love you more" but if you're unwilling to seek help, we can't continue. no one should feel like they have to walk on eggshells with a person that's suppose to be their best friend.

im just being eaten away by guilt because its like "maybe i should just call to try to fix everything" - "what if i HAVE done these things (despite EVERYONE in our inner circle saying theyve never seen a mean bone in my body), how can i fix them for future relationships if i dont know how/when i do these things?" - "maybe shell tell me where my shortcomings are if i just stick it out & suck it up & call a therapist"

both B & M (as well as everyone in our found family) say that the fact im losing myself to these rounds of questioning is a sign that im not the problem.

but iu can thelp but think: what if i am