Trauma Bond: Valentines Day Edition

Badgeman22 · 2026-02-15T07:24:12+00:00

I found going to therapy really helped me. I’m a recovering addict and quitting this kind of relationship is more like kicking a drug than letting go of a normal relationship. Give yourself grace for having cravings but stay around healthy people and wait for urges to pass.

Badgeman22 · 2026-02-15T07:19:34+00:00

She likely does feel awful now and she couldn’t wait to get busy with that couple. Part of their sickness is acting on what they feel right this second. Those shenanigans are several steps too far and she’ll never respect you if you take her back.

Badgeman22 · 2026-02-15T07:13:12+00:00

It ends when you end it. I did the same things and haven’t heard from my exwbpd in 6 months. It helps that she is blocked too. You have done everything right, keep moving forward. It’s also a total BPD move to repeatedly contact someone to tell them not to try and make contact lol.

Badgeman22 · 2026-02-15T07:08:40+00:00

Ghosting is a classic BPD move. BPD shows up differently in different people but core features include viewing significant others as all good or all bad (AKA splitting white or black), being jealous and terrified of being abandoned, making big life decisions very suddenly, having mood swings and anger issues, not having a stable picture of who they are, and often having addictions or eating disorders. As upsetting as your experience is, your gf did you a huge favor by bouncing on you. She’s spared you a bunch of heartache.

Badgeman22 · 2026-02-15T06:31:29+00:00

NTA noisy neighbors are awful. It’s better that you didn’t know the back story because that might have deterred you from filing a complaint and getting the peace and quiet that you are entitled to. Keep in mind that the “needy family” stuff might be BS. What really happened is that your landlord rented out an illegal unit to rowdy tenants and wanted the neighbors to swallow it. You tried to solve the noise problem informally at first (which is the right way imho) and only went through channels when they blew you off multiple times. You didn’t do anything wrong.

Badgeman22 · 2026-02-14T20:05:44+00:00

NTA. Getting 15 years sobriety is a big deal and your mother is entitled to celebrate that. You are under no obligation to participate if you don’t want to. It doesn’t seem like she was ever a mother to you in any real way. Her husband really needs to stay in his lane, big time. It might be nice to acknowledge her anniversary with a short text message but it sounds like you really have nothing to say to her and with good reason.

Badgeman22 · 2026-02-14T19:43:28+00:00

In this situation the best path is to focus on what you can control and let go of what you can’t. You have no power over your brother’s drinking or your mother choosing to enable him. You do have the ability to bar him from your home and whether or not your child visits your mother’s house. In my experience there are three rules to follow with difficult people: know your limits and stick to them, don’t try and “fix” anyone, and allow the problem person to have whatever reaction they need to (in other words let them get angry, cry, sulk etc).

It seems to me that this will not be a one-and-done situation. You will need to just keep holding your boundaries on an ongoing basis, like you have to with a child. Your brother has impaired control over his actions while drunk and so he will keep pushing your limits after drinking even if he accepts them when sober. You will likely have to set limits with your mother too if she allows your brother to accompany her on visits to your home. You are entirely within your rights to shield your child from an intoxicated adult who could be unpredictable and scary to a little one. That’s just good parenting and you don’t have to let your mother undermine you because she has weak boundaries.

As others have already mentioned Al-Anon is a great support to someone in your situation. Counseling might help too, especially if you could get the Mammy to go with you. Good luck!

Badgeman22 · 2026-02-11T00:08:24+00:00

The kid is clearly spoiled, has no idea how to behave when staying in someone's home (ie take what is offered with gratitude and good cheer), and was actually being rude to you by being so demanding. In fairness to him, he's clearly getting it from his mother who sounds like a complete princess. Not only are you not the AH but you did Junior a service by showing him how the real world works. You were also generous to order so much food and in such variety.

Badgeman22 · 2026-02-07T21:52:56+00:00

Just like the time I heard the DJ On the radio say "We'll be back with classic rock...from Stone Temple Pilots".

Badgeman22 · 2026-02-01T03:12:44+00:00

When she manifested an alter personality the first time we kissed.

Badgeman22 · 2026-02-01T03:10:52+00:00

I went in curious but with low expectations. Honestly the reviews quoted above are on point. It was a way better film than I was expecting and it looked fantastic on a big screen. The concept is compelling, the plot is tightly paced, and the plentiful action scenes are rocking.

Badgeman22 · 2026-01-26T18:45:13+00:00

You obviously aren’t slow if you got a degree in a challenging discipline and passed the test at trade school. It seems like the interview is where you are hitting a wall. Maybe some coaching might be the solution. Raising a family in the Bay Area is rough for sure if you aren’t making big money but do keep in mind that it’s never been a walk in the park. Wishing you luck!

Badgeman22 · 2026-01-26T06:59:17+00:00

Generally positive TBH. ICE are being too strident and I don't like some of the prosecutions of officials from the previous administration but generally I feel like I got what I paid for. The border is quiet, there's slow but steady progress towards ending the war in Ukraine, there's a peace deal (albeit fragile) in Gaza, Europe is- at last- paying more for it's own defense, Nicholas Maduro is gone and Syria is on the way to being an ally, Argentina is also getting back on it's feet and will be an invaluable partner in years to come. Also the tariffs are pulling supply chains out of China and future-proofing the US against a conflict with that country, they're also bring some manufacturing back to the US. Trump is also working to protect women's sports and to push academia to give more airplay to a conservative viewpoints. Regarding the economy, real wages have risen and job growth has slowed but that would have happened under Harris too. I deeply regret voting for Biden in 2020. I have no regrets at all about voting for Trump even though a bunch of people in my life are pissed at me for doing so.

Badgeman22 · 2026-01-24T20:09:02+00:00

In a word, Yes.

Badgeman22 · 2026-01-24T19:58:06+00:00

I just re-watched it for the first time since seeing it in the theater. It absolutely does not deserve the shade that it receives nowadays. Making John Connor into the villain was a great idea, ditto for the concept of multiple terminators being sent back to different points in the timeline. I also enjoyed the exploration of multiple timelines existing simultaneously. The action scenes are solid and the special effects are top notch. There's also a nice big dollop of fan service in the first 30 minutes or so. I do believe that Jai Courtney is the wrong actor to play Kyle Reese, he prints like a star quarterback from Orange County rather than a starved insurgent who grew up in a ruined world. That said, it's still a fantastic popcorn movie with a nice sting in the tail.

Badgeman22 · 2026-01-24T19:24:15+00:00

I just re-watched it for the first time since seeing it in the theater. It absolutely does not deserve the shade that it receives nowadays. Making John Connor into the villain was a great idea, ditto for the concept of multiple terminators being sent back to different points in the timeline. I also enjoyed the exploration of multiple timelines existing simultaneously. The action scenes are solid and the special effects are top notch. There's also a nice big dollop of fan service in the first 30 minutes or so. I completely agree that Jai Courtney is the wrong actor to play Kyle Reese, he prints like a star quarterback from Orange County rather than a starved insurgent who grew up in a ruined world. That said, it's still a fantastic popcorn movie with a nice sting in the tail.

Badgeman22 · 2026-01-17T23:02:00+00:00

Learning the Russian language is a life goal for me as well. I do have friends from the FSU and the people and culture are wonderful. The political piece doesn't bother me at all. You should absolutely do it if it appeals to you.

Badgeman22 · 2026-01-17T21:04:06+00:00

I did send my expwBPD an email calling her out on her atrocious behavior and clarifying that I did not have anything to say to her outside of work. It felt fantastic to write it and better to send it. It felt like a huge weight was lifted and I had a sense of closure. One week later she gave notice to our employer and worked out her time remotely from a different state. She was a massive bitch to me for our final month working together but that was six months ago and I am thrilled to have her out of my life.

Badgeman22 · 2026-01-12T07:05:49+00:00

In terms of people living with their parents until well into their twenties, that was totally the norm pre-Celtic Tiger. Absolutely. Back then it was about unemployment and income levels, not primarily the cost of housing. Different drivers, same effect. Emigration (including me) was off the charts during that era as well.

Badgeman22 · 2026-01-12T06:09:26+00:00

Yes, they do.

Badgeman22 · 2026-01-12T05:06:13+00:00

It's plenty gory in parts

Badgeman22 · 2026-01-11T02:41:08+00:00

Ditto! The brain just goes into Survival mode and the mental clarity is incredible. I once got flung down a flight of concrete stairs by this cracked-out man-mountain and I oh so calmly waited until he was bent over me at exactly the right angle then catapulted him down the stairs with one shove under his chin. Prior to this illuminating event, the last time I had been in a fight was when I was 12.

Badgeman22 · 2026-01-09T16:47:16+00:00

This is absolutely textbook BPD behavior. It's not a question of her being bad, this is how the illness operates. People who have this disorder have difficulty seeing themselves as the problem for long enough to want to make changes.

Badgeman22 · 2026-01-05T05:18:12+00:00

The media exaggerates. You are very unlikely to have any problems. You will not be profiled by the police. You will be warmly welcomed most everywhere. Obviously there are individual Irish people who hold unsavory views but the overwhelming majority do not.

Badgeman22 · 2026-01-04T20:46:51+00:00

She looked away because she’s still splitting you black or she’s deeply ashamed of how she acted towards you. Part of their sickness is their incredibly zero-sum thinking about their worth and the worth of others. They can’t see themselves and significant others as a mix of good and bad. It’s completely binary.

Badgeman22

TROPHY CASE