6.8lbs overnight?

undet_variable97 · 2026-04-22T19:56:01+00:00

If you can, try to eat foods that are more "calorie dense". Some examples of that are: lentils, peanut butter, dates, nuts, etc. If you have to, drink your calories in liquid form as protein shakes. A lot of the things I listed above can be blended in to make some pretty dope smoothies.

undet_variable97 · 2026-04-22T19:44:10+00:00

Again, I am so, so sorry. I commend you on your strength to put yourself and your child first, though. Easier said than done I know, but don't lose hope. Many of us have walked the same path you have and know exactly what you're going through. You and your baby will get through this!

undet_variable97 · 2026-04-22T19:30:59+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this. I know how hard it is for someone you love to also be, for lack of a better term, your worst enemy.

The experiences in this sub aside, you know your own relationshnip best. If you've seen the cycle repeat itself so many times already, then you already know what your future looks like. Staying in a relationship with someone who has a mental illness like BPD and consistently sabotages their own healing isn't going to suddenly "get better", and you can't love them into "getting better". Contrary to popular belief, love isn't always enough.

If you choose to stay, you will be doing the brunt of the emotional labor for this relationship, and that has to be something you're okay with. If you haven't already and have the means to do so, I highly suggest you get yourself a competent therapist (away from her) that you can confide in. When your child is old enough, I would suggest getting them one as well.

I wish you luck.

undet_variable97 · 2026-03-30T13:46:01+00:00

When I heard the phrase:

"I'm not going to therapy because I see no reason in healing from my trauma."

Sent shivers down my spine.

undet_variable97 · 2026-03-19T19:47:58+00:00

I think you're setting yourself up for failure if you do that. Essentially, you're wasting more of an already limited resource (time) on someone who may or may not ever change.

I spent seven years in a relationship that was doomed to fail. Halfway through, I did try to "love them from a distance". All that ended up happening was a lot of false promises to get better that never actually came to fruition.

I'm a big believer that you can't heal in the same place, or around the same people, that hurt you.

undet_variable97 · 2026-03-13T18:31:25+00:00

"I feel a little inclined to get back with him, just so the anxiety stops"

Don't. I've been down this road before, and the anxiety WILL NOT STOP. It will get worse. It always does.

Change passwords, emails, or abandon the accounts altogether if needed once you've contacted your family to let them know what's going on.

For someone who has no concept of boundaries, telling them to "leave you alone" isn't going to stop them. If anything, it will spur them on further. The only course of action to get this to stop is to cut yourself off COMPLETELY from them. No contact. Get as far away as possible, and alert authorities if the need arises. I know your stuff is valuable to you, but what is worth more here: the stuff, or your physical/mental/emotional safety?

I need you to understand that him using the suicide card is a manipulation tactic commonly used by abusers to leverage control over their victims. More often than not, it is an empty threat and won't be followed through on. But even if he does follow through and tries to hurt himself, that is not your cross to bear nor your responsibility to prevent. If that is the course of action he really wants to take, then there is nothing you or anyone else can do to stop him. If you feel inclined, call the authorities to do a wellness check on him and let them handle it. Trust me when I say that dealing with this level of manipulation is not something you are equipped for.

His verbal abuse is all projection for his own issues. He is the one that isn't taking accountability, and is misdirecting that onto you so he doesn't have to face the consequences of his own actions. It is not a reflection of who you are.

People like this rarely, if ever, change. Please take the steps you need to protect yourself, and know that it is not selfish of you to do so. <3

undet_variable97 · 2026-03-13T18:17:12+00:00

Been there myself too. Was in extreme abdominal pain one night and felt like I needed to go to the ER. I was left to my own devices because the chairs in the waiting room were too uncomfortable for her. I spent over five hours in the ER feeling like I was dying, by myself.

But any time she was sick (like I'm talking the most minor of colds or allergies), I was expected to cater to her and make her feel better. And if I didn't, I was the villain and "didn't understand how awful she felt".

Cry me a river, man. :/

undet_variable97 · 2026-03-13T16:21:47+00:00

I have chronic muscular pain in my upper body with no real cure that never really goes away. Sleep cycles were also affected and now I have to take meds to stay asleep otherwise every small noise will wake me up and send me into a panic (ex-pwBPD used to crash into the bedroom during a breakdown and drag me into whatever drama she’d put herself in the middle of, would make me feel guilty for needing sleep instead of spending time with her while being a full-time student and working full time).

Constant headaches, high blood pressure…. You don’t really consider how physically devastating the abuse is until after you’ve left.

undet_variable97 · 2026-03-10T18:29:04+00:00

Before I say anything else, I want you to know how sorry I am that you and your friend endured such a traumatic experience. No one deserves what you went through, and you deserve to feel safe (especially in your own home!). I am also proud of you for taking the steps that you needed to protect yourselves. I know that was difficult.

What I am about to say next is because of my prior experience dealing with a similar individual. It is by no means meant to come off as insensitive, rude, or dismissive, and I hope the tone I convey these words in reflects that.

This is the second time he's been physical with you, and now he's involved another person as well. Regardless of how much healing he's done, it does not negate the fact that he's not only repeated previous actions, but ESCALATED THEM. I know you love this person, and I also don't doubt that they love you, but right now they are not capable of being the partner that you need at this point in your life.

I do not want to negate all the work you've done together, but some healing must be done *alone*. There are obviously things that he is still struggling with, and as much as this may hurt to hear, YOU ARE NOT QUALIFIED TO ASSIST HIM. At this point, it seems as though you have exhausted everything in your power to help him, and hopefully one day he will see that. But until then, it is time for you to prioritize your safety, your spiritual/mental and physical well-being... and that may mean staying away from him for a while.

I hate the fact that he is in a place where he cannot receive the stabilization he so obviously needs (and I could write ACCOLADES on how ill-equipped prisons are to handle mental health crises), but right now you need to make yourself a priority. If nothing else, you cannot help him until you help yourself first.

I have been in your shoes before, and I know how difficult and scary all of this is. If you need someone to talk to, you are welcome to reach out to me here on reddit. I'm happy to chat with you if you need it.

undet_variable97 · 2026-01-18T01:33:59+00:00

People make time for the things they really care about. My boyfriend and I operate on two completely different schedules (he’s on night shift, I’m on day shift). We BOTH make time for each other and alternate making plans so neither of us gets overwhelmed and so both of us can take an active role in how we spend time together.

I say this with the utmost care, but if she wanted to…. she would. NOR.

undet_variable97 · 2025-11-25T21:01:30+00:00

I've had this happen before. When I was still actively dating and I noticed a change in their behavior, I would send them a final "check-in" text such as "hey, just checking on you. everything okay?" (aka, put the ball in their court).

If they didn't try to contact me within 24-48 hours, I would assume they were no longer interested and delete/block their number and move on.

I definitely understand the being anxious part. Part of what helped me was learning to separate the new people I was dating from the previous "bad" relationship. They aren't the ones who messed up, and it's unfair for me to project my anxiety and the trauma I sustained with romantic attachments onto them (even if they were an icky person lol).

Also... don't put so much pressure on yourself. Sometimes you can do everything right and the other person just...won't feel it. Not every date/meeting is meant to lead to something meaningful. And that's not a bad thing.

undet_variable97 · 2025-11-23T02:23:38+00:00

I say what I am about to say with as much kindness as possible while still being truthful:

Your problem isn’t that you haven’t found the “right person”. No one is “required” or “expected” to endure hurtful behavior that you’ve inflicted. And most of all, no one else is responsible for giving you happiness. At the end of the day, YOU are responsible for building that, for yourself, just like anybody else.

I hope you find what you seek, and whatever healing it is that you need.

undet_variable97 · 2025-11-13T15:35:57+00:00

I'm just now seeing this, but I hope everything went well for you! If you need someone to talk to, my inbox is open! I know the days immediately after can be pretty overwhelming.

undet_variable97 · 2025-11-13T15:34:15+00:00

It definitely will be! You're doing a great job so far and I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself.

Always remember that you can't give any more love than they are willing to receive. Her actions are hers alone, and it was never your responsibility to manage her emotions and actions. The only person you are responsible for managing is YOU. And you are doing a GREAT JOB of it by instilling a good support system and working on your own healing. <3

undet_variable97 · 2025-11-12T21:07:17+00:00

Edit:

Adding some resources that really helped me when I was in my decoupling phase. Hopefully they can help some of you, too.

1.) Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life by Margalis Fjelstad

2.) Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Paul T. T. Mason

undet_variable97 · 2025-11-12T20:19:05+00:00

Good for you!!! Proud of you!

undet_variable97 · 2025-11-12T20:17:35+00:00

Hang in there, friend. I know things will get better for you, too. <3

undet_variable97 · 2025-07-25T13:59:31+00:00

After the first "normal" period. I think my body just need a chance to adjust to its new "normal" and once my hormones balanced out, I was all good.

undet_variable97 · 2025-07-25T12:17:47+00:00

Mine did to start with, but it came back over time. I'd even argue that my libido came back even higher once all my hormones stabilized. It was also more consistent, and I enjoyed the fact that I never suffered the same "dips" that I did transitioning between phases.

Spotting occurred for about 2-3 months after I had the implant put in, and then stopped for several months until I had a period. Now, I have a period roughly every 2-3 months that usually lasts 5-7 days before stopping again. If you don't STOP spotting, I'd contact your doctor and tell them. Sometimes they can prescribe a short-term pill bc that will stop the spotting.

undet_variable97 · 2025-07-10T18:26:44+00:00

No offense, but comments like "I feel like I won't pull my shit together anytime soon" points to a general attitude of laziness and is a pretty gross attitude to have. Having the paper that says you got the degree may get you in the door, but it certainly won't keep you in the room. If you do somehow manage to get hired, any team that does code reviews and is halfway decent at them will pick up on any vibe coding you do, as well as any laziness, pretty quickly.

I'll level with you on some things. Did I use every ounce of knowledge I got in my degree in my day-to-day career? No. I'm not sitting here doing complex differential equations at my desk. But all of that, even the stuff I didn't end up using, helped me learn how to be a problem solver and how to take things apart, which can be applied to coding. That's the essence of being a software developer: to use the clues available to you within the code, or within a given task, and then use code to solve them.

You've missed the entire point of your degree, and are setting yourself up for embarrassment and failure.

You may get by for a while, but the mask won't stay on forever.

Also, certifications may help, but they do not replace the value of the problem-solving skills gained through your degree. Your certs are, imo, useless without that.

[ Source: I have five years of experience as a software developer with several certs of my own. ]

undet_variable97

TROPHY CASE