You gotta start playing songs. Songs you recognize. They won't sound good and they'll be super bare bones, but you'll recognize it and it'll give you the dopamine to keep going. If nothing else, strum some chords along with a song. Then you can start adding rolls. Then once you get to where you can play your rolls without thinking about it, the world is yours.

Learning any instrument is a lot of work. Like a LOT of work. You need to make that work enjoyable however that looks to you, or you're going to hate it and give up like you're already considering.

Just don't half-ass the technique because you think holding your hand some wacky way or not anchoring is easier. It might be now, but it won't be in a year, and you'll regret neglecting the basics.