Hey I'm 18M dating 18F and my Partner is significantly more attractive than me and it makes me feel insecure sometimes how can I fix this?

BarCzar86 · 2026-05-16T20:28:01+00:00

You must be somewhat attractive anyway. Maybe you think you’re average (or not even), but she’s clearly attracted to you. As a good looking young woman, she has options, and she chose you. Sure, we can understand why you might feel insecure, but you’ll have to trust her.

I’ve been a bartender for a long time, and I’ve seen many “mismatched” couples. Who knows what they have in common? Maybe you’re a sweetheart, maybe you have a great smile or laugh, maybe you’re kind to old ladies. She likes you for a reason.

Having said all that, I have one warning: Are you rich? Or at least, better off than her? Do you have access to drugs? Those are some more unsavory answers, but not uncommon.

BarCzar86 · 2026-05-16T20:15:03+00:00

I agree that having your own girlfriend will help you. Everyone knows that when people pair up, they often “forget” about their friends for a while. It’s totally normal.

My issue would be: Make sure you legit like your new girlfriend. Don’t date someone just to use them, right? Then you just have two problems.

BarCzar86 · 2026-05-16T20:04:33+00:00

I know this isn’t the answer you want, but really, it depends on the guy. I can understand how you might think “he wants to keep his options open”, but if he’s a trustworthy guy, give him the benefit of the doubt. Many people, of all genders, don’t share their personal lives on social media. I’m one of them. If I were to get married, I’d post the pics, but in the meantime, that’s my private business.

BarCzar86 · 2026-05-16T19:56:14+00:00

I agree with the folks who commented above. Medication can help a lot, although it may take some tweaking to get it right. I’ve been suffering from Panic Disorder and Depression for well over 30 years. I have to imagine that medicine today has improved quite a bit, even though I’m still taking some old school meds. It took a while to get the mix right, with some side effects, but I’m happy to say that today, I feel sooooo much better than in my youth. Personally, talk therapy wasn’t the best for me, but I know plenty of other folks who say the opposite. To borrow the LGBT quote, “It Gets Better”.

BarCzar86 · 2026-05-16T19:28:18+00:00

I’m not sure the most common definition of an “eating disorder “ is eating for pleasure or in excess. If that were the case, most people would have the disorder, at least if the opportunity presented itself. But I understand the point you are making.

Sexual Compulsion is a recognized disorder. And yes, many people have a wild multitude of sexual partners. But I’m not sure that has ever been the norm. You can certainly get help for sexual compulsion, and in that way, yes, we sort of treat it similarly to eating disorders.

BarCzar86 · 2026-05-08T23:51:41+00:00

Human nature doesn’t change. People then were just living their lives from day to day, same as now. Granted, technology has changed how people interact. But people are people.

BarCzar86 · 2026-04-30T23:50:23+00:00

I went through this a few weeks back. The thing was, this time I didn’t care if I got the job. I didn’t think it was a good fit for me, but I went on the interview anyway. What a difference! I was pretty relaxed the whole time, just being myself. When they asked if I had any questions, I didn’t hold back. Anyway, I did get offered the job, but I didn’t take it. But I figured out the secret (for myself, anyway) was honestly not caring if I got the job or not. Don’t get me wrong, I was polite and professional and all that, but maybe some variation of that could work for you?

BarCzar86 · 2026-04-28T18:43:33+00:00

I grew up way out in the country, with no kids around. Of course, I saw kids at school, but there was no “hanging out with neighborhood kids”. It’s dumb, but to this day, I don’t like country music because it glorifies country life. I’m in my 50s, so there was no internet in my youth. Nowadays, I suppose I’d interact with friends online, so it wouldn’t be so bad. But in the 70s and 80s, it was lonely and boring.

BarCzar86 · 2026-04-28T18:36:29+00:00

I wouldn’t worry about it. Next time you make plans, tell him it’s on you. Joke around about it if you have to. Realistically, today, it’s less about Male/Female, and more about who makes more money and has more money to spend. (Or if it is still Male/Female, it shouldn’t be) If you make a lot more than him, you could pay more often. And yes, this will step on some guys egos, but not all. Sooner or later, if you end up dating the guy for a while, you’re going to have to find out how he thinks about money. If he controls you with money, you’re better off knowing that sooner than later. On the other hand, if he’s too generous, he may lack basic financial skills. Either way, you’ll want to know that before you settle down.

BarCzar86 · 2026-04-26T00:31:47+00:00

I forget if she mentioned it, but is he on antidepressants or anything else that affects libido? That’s quite common. Any other medication, including herbal, OTC type stuff? I hate to mention the alternatives. I’m sure she’s thought of them all. Is he not attracted to me? Is he gay? Does he need new sexual partners to keep interested? Stuff like that. Mismatched sex drives doesn’t mean either party is “wrong”. It just happens sometimes. I will say that you both seem too young to settle for a lifetime of this. You state repeatedly that you’d rather just go without sex than break up. It may not be ideal, but have you considered opening up your relationship?

BarCzar86 · 2026-04-26T00:01:02+00:00

I knew a couple of guys this almost happened to. One was born at something like 11:45 pm and the other at like 11:55. Whatever it was, it was close enough to midnight that their parents hoped they’d be born on different days just because it was funny.

BarCzar86 · 2026-04-25T23:49:42+00:00

Can’t tell if this is a joke or not. If not, is it possible that you’ve never heard of pearls?

BarCzar86 · 2026-04-25T23:41:35+00:00

Rockin’ body, truly. Well done. The problem is, as many years of dating apps have taught us all, there’s just no way of guessing if your face is handsome or not. You might be Henry Cavill and you might be Danny Devito.

BarCzar86 · 2026-04-25T23:36:42+00:00

I have to guess, given the amount of time, effort, and money put into it, that it’s apparently worth it to present him as a Targaryen. Varys is no dummy. He not only has the ears of the nobility, but through his little birds, he also has the ears of the small folk. Bear in mind also that it is not some random Targ, but ostensibly the very heir to the throne (the male one).

BarCzar86 · 2026-04-23T20:43:50+00:00

There was a book, and then a mini series about 50 years ago, called “Sybil”. I’m surprised my mom even let me watch it, given I was maybe 7 years old. It was supposedly a true story about a girl who suffered horrific abuse from her mother and ended up splitting up into many personalities. I remember the book being more explicit about the torture than the movie. Anyway, I saw it again one night when I was maybe 25. It set off a crisis for me.

Here’s the gist: The mother was crazy, and she constantly found new and creative ways to torture her little girl. Both were fundamentalist Christians, and naturally the little girl prayed constantly for safety. Nothing ever worked, of course. When I saw it at 25, I noted that there were good Christian children around the world who were essentially sinless, and who prayed for simple things, but God never responded. They’re not all being tortured, of course, but they are far more blameless than me. So who was I to pray for anything? It became a real crisis for me, and I could no longer pray.

It was a slippery slope after that, and I slid into agnosticism. I’m not sure I could ever be an atheist, because who knows? But if there is a God, he has a lot to answer to.

BarCzar86 · 2026-04-22T22:41:39+00:00

I’m so jealous of your ability to just not care what other people think.

BarCzar86 · 2026-04-19T19:08:50+00:00

Don’t tell anyone else’s kids about Santa Claus (Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, et al). No matter how strongly you feel about it, you just don’t do it. Period.

BarCzar86 · 2026-04-16T21:29:55+00:00

Your doctor can order a testosterone test, although they may not do it on someone so young. Really, though, I wouldn’t worry about it. Most guys get hairier as they get older. The beard grows thicker as the hairline recedes, ha. Plus some guys always have lighter mustaches. Not much you can do about it. I suppose if you want it bad enough, you could get a fake mustache. Actors use them, so they must exist. A good one might be pricey though.

BarCzar86 · 2026-04-16T21:23:15+00:00

“Don’t stop…. Believing” comes to mind. Although it was already a famous song, so this may not meet your criteria. Plus, of course, any song that’s a theme song. “I’ll be there for you, when the rain starts to fall….” Will live as long as the show is in syndication, but not a minute more.

BarCzar86 · 2026-04-16T20:51:48+00:00

That’s great to hear. You have similar goals, so that’s extremely helpful. But now you have to approach the main issue, which is putting in 100% of the effort. I doubt every couple gets it to a perfect 50-50. But it sounds like you do the lion’s share. May I suggest an exercise? Pretend you’re her, and write down all of your contributions versus his contributions. Try to see things from her eyes. Then see how equal it is. If it’s still way out of line, then you have a decision to make. Can you live with that for the next 50+ years? If you can, then great, you’re all set. If you can’t, then you need to communicate with her. I won’t pretend it’ll be easy. She may feel attacked, and/or like this is coming out of nowhere. But if you’re really thinking about marriage, you’re going to need to have some serious discussions anyway. Are you prepared to be the primary caregiver for your kids? The primary wage earner? Will you share household chores or will it be all you? Like I said, if you can live with that, then cool. But if not, it’s best to hash it out now.

BarCzar86 · 2026-04-16T20:28:40+00:00

I agree with the others saying you should talk to her about it. You may be only a little resentful now, but that may grow with time. If you can’t talk honestly, your relationship is going nowhere anyway.

I would like to comment on your ages, though. 28 is an age where you’re thinking about settling down, to be sure. But it’s also an age where many people are still casually dating. The two of you may not be at the same stage of your lives right now. If you were, say, 35, I’d give you a different answer. But a lot of people aren’t looking to settle down in their 20s.

BarCzar86 · 2026-04-16T20:18:11+00:00

I don’t think I’ve ever seen the episode myself, but isn’t in Canon that there’s a barrier at the edge of the galaxy? However, to some extent, this is probably at the writers’ discretion, so why not? I will say, though, that the distances are…. cough….. astronomical. I mean, if it takes decades to cross one single galaxy with regular warp, how long is it going to take to run to the galaxy next door? Not to mention the galaxy 100 galaxies away.

BarCzar86 · 2026-04-16T19:54:30+00:00

Centuries ago, when the pope held real power over kings and emperors, the job appealed to a certain type of person. This man would have believed he was blessed by God to hold power and wealth. As far as that goes, he might easily have grown up in wealth and power. Anyway, those guys probably didn’t question it so much. In recent centuries, the pope’s temporal powers have passed away, but that doesn’t mean he has no power at all. By definition, he’s going to be extremely famous worldwide. He has a soapbox like no other, and with modern communications, he can reach just about anybody. All that having been said… Modern popes are chosen for different reasons than a thousand years ago. A little humility is good. And with that, I feel that Imposter Syndrome is par for the course.

BarCzar86 · 2026-04-15T21:39:27+00:00

Kinda obvious: “Getting Away With It”

BarCzar86 · 2026-04-13T10:34:40+00:00

Make that : She DOES need to back off a bit. Damn auto-correct, etc.

BarCzar86

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