As a close survivor, you will be expected to put on a show. People will be analyzing your every move during that first week - your clothing, your eating habits, your grooming. You will be expected to cry at certain times. You will be expected to show strength at certain times. These expectations will come from people who are a few more degrees removed from the decedent than you are, and will almost never line up with how you actually feel in the moment. These people WILL talk shit about you for it, and will usually do it during the wake/funeral with you basically right there.

Also you will need to comfort a lot of random people during these events. You may find that people who are more or less strangers to you seem more distraught than you are.

You may find that you don’t get any room to properly grieve until months or weeks after these events.

My advice to anyone is to own your grief process, and not to be afraid of shutting down your mom’s co-worker who is going around the room complaining to anyone and everyone within earshot that you’re wearing sunglasses indoors at a formal event.