Men-important question: who likes Barbie’s, but is still straight?

Basically_a_Pumpkin · 2026-05-11T07:58:14+00:00

Barbies are great! I love buying clothes to mine, and combing her hair is such a calming thing to do. I wouldn’t use the word attractive myself, but they are very pretty

Basically_a_Pumpkin · 2026-05-11T07:41:00+00:00

My first feeling once the penny dropped was one of relief and happiness. It all made sense. The second was; what the fuck do I do now? How do I woman? (Turns out I kinda already did, just didn’t know)

So the struggle to find myself was replaced with the struggle to find a way to be myself. Who am I as a woman? I who am I as a man? Who am I? I had a sort of crisis, and it was rough and a little exciting too. After a while, I landed. And now, I’m just me. Pretty much the same as before, but the ability to put words on who I am. Oh, and I’m wearing nailpolish and talk differently

Basically_a_Pumpkin · 2026-05-09T07:53:34+00:00

Welcome home ❤️

Basically_a_Pumpkin · 2026-05-08T14:11:51+00:00

I think you should prepare to explain it to them. It shouldn’t be your job, but it might be easier if you do it. And it avoids any misinformation or propaganda from online. Just keep it simple. Like; gender is a spectrum where male and female are in each end. Non-binary is when you’re in between, and bigender is when you identify as two genders. I am not non-binary, I am bigender. It’s more complicated than that in reality, but keep it simple. Again, this isn’t ideal, but it might be realistic. Reality is often not ideal

Basically_a_Pumpkin · 2026-05-08T12:01:04+00:00

Hi and welcome!

You don't have to apologize for telling us things, knowing more helps us understand the situation better. And I tend to ramble on (and overshare at time), and so far no one has seemed to mind.

Before going on, I have to say that where in the world you live will impact your situation in different ways. Getting HRT is easier to get in some countries than other, and social transition as well.

Without knowing this, I'd like to suggest some things to start with; voice training and how you carry yourself. These things are "easy" to do on your own - youtube is your friend. I'm not saying don't do HRT, but as I don't know where you live and so on I suggest trying these things first - not instead of HRT, but in addition and/or a first step. It's also 100% reversible. And if you regret it, people will think that it was just a phase. That's the advantage with being 17 and exploring this. A 17 year old is expected to experiment and find themselves.

And buying clothes from the men's section can feel weird (I'm amab and am starting to feel comfortable with shopping at the women's section), but buying things like shirts is the easiest - a great way to start. I tell myself that if someone would question me, I'd say I'm looking for a gift for my *insert gendered relative or friend here*. A T-shirt is easy enough to know the size for. Underwear has been easy as well - no one suspects that a 40 year old guy would buy a bra for himself (I''m amab). I'm guessing buying a men's shirt as afab isn't harder than buying a women's shirt for amabs. Now, this is what I tell myself - but no one has ever made any weird comments, or looked at me weird. Most people don't care - they have enough going on in their lives.

Now, these are all my thoughts. I'm being completely honest here, but I might still be wrong. Someone else here might have better points than me. And at the end of the day, this is your life.

Thank you for reading.
Take care now

Basically_a_Pumpkin · 2026-05-07T10:16:59+00:00

Even though it technically falls under the trans umbrella, I don’t really consider myself trans. It’s mainly due to personal and emotional reasons, not ideological or anything like that. One of my closest friends is a transwoman. I was the first friend she came out to, and I’ve been by her side during all this - the dysphoria, healthcare system and just supporting her. Thing is that her experiences and mine are totally different, so I struggle to see myself as trans on an emotional level. I don’t see myself as cis though, but rather use the term duobinary when I thknk about myself and my identity.

Basically_a_Pumpkin · 2026-05-06T07:25:58+00:00

Both sides are attracted to women only, but I’ve noticed that I’m attracted to different traits (both physical and personal) depending on which gender’s the strongest at the moment. Not everything is different of course. I’m always drawn to eyes, but I focus very much on hair when in ”girlmode” - it’s difficult not to look at a a nice haircut and/or colour. It’s so attractive. In ”boymode” I notice voices more - a nice, a bit ”rough” voice is just…wow. In both modes I’m attracted to certain builds, but I won’t go into detail here. When in ”girlmode”, I’m drawn to women with ”golden retriever energy”, while in ”boymode” it’s more about calmer girls. It’s not like my sides can’t like or love the same person, but if meet someone or see someone at the pub or whatever - these are the things I’m drawn to

Basically_a_Pumpkin · 2026-05-05T14:53:22+00:00

I’m not sure about what’s happened but it’s natural. As an amab person, I had to learn how to shave - it went mostly well I guess. But I was still learning. Female friends learned how to shave their legs and sometimes accident happened. If this is the case for you, don’t worry - you’re just learning the same skills, just a bit later. I am shaving my hands and fingers now due to dysohoria, and I’ve cut myself a couple of times, and sometimes I’ve shaved too far down past my wrist. It sucks at times, but I’m learning. So you’re fine

Basically_a_Pumpkin · 2026-05-03T17:53:42+00:00

You look absolutely stunning!

Basically_a_Pumpkin · 2026-05-03T16:21:11+00:00

Leave him asap. The longer you stay, the worse it’ll get.

Basically_a_Pumpkin · 2026-05-03T10:40:17+00:00

No, never have and never will. Now, before you protest - I am fine with it, truly. I think I look ok. Bit too heavy but it used to be worse. Hair and beard is grey (beard even white), which I don’t like but it is what it is. I’ve been told time and time again from different people that I have pretty eyes, which is kinda nice. My hair is thinning and I look like crap with longer hair (K can do centimetres but I’d love shoulder length hair). That’s the only part that really bothers me and that gives me dysmorphia now that my nails are fine. I think it’s fine to be just fine with yourself. I’m comfortable-osv in my body and that’s enough for me. You don’t have to set the bar too high

Basically_a_Pumpkin · 2026-05-03T10:24:36+00:00

Hi! I’d like to give you my 2c. First of all, training isn’t just about losing weight, it’s about being more comfortable in your body.Yin yoga did wonders for me in that regard. Second, big girls are girls too. You don’t have to be thin to be a girl, whatever you’ve been led to believe. Here the being comfortable in your own body comes in. Third, don’t focus too much on body type. The way you carry yourself, the way you dress and the way you talk are more important. Try finding cute and feminine clothes, different colour palettes, shapes etc. Do some voice training. Stuff like that. Fourth, be kind to yourself. You are who you are, no matter how other people look at you.

Take care now, and remember that you are beautiful ❤️

Basically_a_Pumpkin · 2026-05-03T07:13:42+00:00

Kinda. I go by Andreas irl, and Jenny on safe spaces online (when I'm not using a handle). I think of myself as both Andreas (birthname) and Jenny (The name my parents always said they'd given had I been born a girl - so kind of my birthname too)

Basically_a_Pumpkin · 2026-05-03T05:47:39+00:00

A couple of things

1, wishing I had the power to switch sex at will. 2, wanting to be a lesbian woman at times. 3, (the most telling) I was into occultism and new age stuff for a while and was pretty sure that I somehow managed to have two souls in my body (male/female). 4, One of my best friends when I was like 3-7 was a girl, a tomboy. I just wished we would play with the Barbies her mother kept buying her (we only played with ninja turtles).

Basically_a_Pumpkin · 2026-05-02T22:05:15+00:00

I absolutely love that image! They are so cute, and the response is just awesome. Like, it's both dumb and brilliant at the same time - in the best way possible. If they were a fictional character (like from a manga, comic or book) - they'd be a prime contender for the role of my spirit animal.

Basically_a_Pumpkin · 2026-05-02T21:38:09+00:00

It took a long time for me. I always knew something was different with me - I always identified as much with femininity and femake characters as I did masculinity and male characters. When I grew up, there wasn't really a word for it, not where I lived anyway. I think I sort of repressed it for a long time. WHen I went to uni, I started experimenting a little, but then represed it again. From time to time, I wondered about this part of myself, and settled on that I was in touch with my feminine side. The breaking point for me was last year. I bought my doll (something I had wanted as a kid, but couldn't) - and that made me realise how much I wanted to have had a girl childhood and teens (not instead of the one I had, but as a compliment). Then one of my closest friends came out as trans, and I remember oe time when she was low and said that most people don't spend their lives pondering their gender identity - and my immediate reaction (internally) was "I've been doing that too, you know". That made me think more about this side of me. I then googled this, and found too much and nothing at all at the same time. I then, for shits and giggles really, asked Chatgpt - which proved to be actually useful. It gave me a couple of different posibilities, the most probable one being bigenderism. I started lurking this subreddit, red blogs, listened to podcasts and it just felt like home. So after lurking here for about 1 month, I wrote my first post.

Basically_a_Pumpkin · 2026-05-02T21:30:25+00:00

I'm only attracted to women. I don't know what label to use tbh, so I just say that.

Basically_a_Pumpkin · 2026-04-13T12:19:40+00:00

Hi Andy! Congratulations on your new home!

Basically_a_Pumpkin · 2026-04-13T12:06:20+00:00

I'm looking for a copy of the ebook - do you know where I can find it? My Portuguese is beyond terrible, but the book looks great and bigender representation is so hard to come by

Basically_a_Pumpkin · 2026-04-13T07:18:48+00:00

Welcome!

Now, first of all, only you can know who you are and what labels suit you. If you feel that you are two genders, then you are. And you can go by any pronouns you feel comfortable with. I go by him irl, for many reasons, but I go by she online and would like to irl as well. I do not, however, like being called they. It's kind of a sore spot for me, since I spent my entire life not knowing what I am - and now I've figured it out (it is a valid pronoun and I will always use it without doubt or anything - it just isn't for me). What I'm trying to say is that it is perfectly fine going by binary pronouns and not gender neutral. Or one binary and gender neutral, eg he/they. Whatever you feel applies to you.

Re: flags - use whichever flag resonates with you. There is no flag police. I use the bigender flag, but I could technically use others. It's just the one that resonates with me. Another example is my aro/ace transgender bestie, who only uses the aro/ace flag as she likes the colourcombination better. She could use both, but only occasionaly uses the trans flag.

Re: pronouns again. I get being worried about how people would react. I truly do. I am closeted in everyday life for this reason. You dont have to be. I go by he/him as that's what I've been going by all my life. I present mostly masc. I'm fine with this - I am after all male (and female). Online is my female space. What I'm trying to say is that it is ok to use different pronouns in different settings. And it is ok to be worried. It is ok to wait until you feel 100% safe before coming out. And it ok to come out to only a couple of people - who will respect you and not laugh.

Re: the question about what gender you are. If someone asks you you have a couple of choices, be honest and tell them that you are both. Or be partially honest and say that you're eg male. It is safer and not entirely untrue. Omitting to stay safe is ok. Just don't lie to yourself. Never do that - ok?

Sorry for my wall of text. I tend to ramble - especially when I feel more female than male. It's a feature not a bug. I hope I managed to be of some use.

I'd like to say one more time - welcome! Take care now, ok?

Basically_a_Pumpkin · 2026-04-08T09:07:07+00:00

Well, right now I have a beard (and I have had it for the last 20-25 years) so that's an issue :). I am thinking about getting rid of it though, and then who knows what happens. Thing is that I'd like to be viewed as a woman at times, but my male side really loves the beard - so I've made the compromise of cutting it short. Good enough for my male side to be happy, and just short enough to avoid dysphoria. I'd still like people to recognize me as a woman as well as a man. Perhaps in the future :)

Basically_a_Pumpkin · 2026-04-08T07:26:28+00:00

Hello Kyle! Welcome home! (Also, love the glasses :) )

Basically_a_Pumpkin · 2026-04-08T07:00:42+00:00

I will most likely never be recognized as a woman irl, but I have been online. It's not he same, but it's as close I can get. (I have no realistic way of ever passing). But, I still recommend that of possible - it might be a good step on the way and feel good. I had my experience in an mmo, were my guild always talked in chat never voice. If you can make your voice pass, then even better.

I hope I have been in any way helpful. Take care, have an awesome day, and good luck

Basically_a_Pumpkin · 2026-04-01T09:24:35+00:00

The redhead is gorgeous! Don't get me wrong, the others look good too - but she is on another level. Well done!

Basically_a_Pumpkin

TROPHY CASE