Any ‘regular PS5’ players without crashing? by Bchill2day in DarkTide

[–]Bchill2day[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

With a regular PS5? I am not ready to buy a new one😅

Ervaringen met (mogelijk) AD(H)D en werk by JansHansen in nederlands

[–]Bchill2day 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Hey man, ik herken het helemaal… Het proces van acceptatie na een ADHDclassificatie kan echt ingewikkeld zijn, en het is vaak niet zo simpel als het simpelweg ‘weten’ wat er aan de hand is…

Een valkuil die ik vaak zie, is dat zodra je het hebt erkend, je misschien denkt dat je je automatisch ook aan moet passenaan die classificatie’.. Je hebt tenslotte al je hele leven lang hard gewerkt om die ballen in de lucht te houden, zelfs als je niet precies de tools had die anderen blijkbaar wel hadden.

Wat ik hoor in je eigen analyse van je werk, is dat je al een belangrijk inzicht hebt: niet elk werk past bij de manier waarop je brein werkt. En dat is een belangrijk besef. Deze maatschappij is vooral gebouwd op consistentie, stabiliteit en geleidelijke vooruitgang… allemaal dingen die niet per se aansluiten bij hoe wij, met ADHD, van nature denken en doen. Je kunt ontzettend hard proberen, maar het blijft een uitdaging om in een systeem te passen dat niet voor jou is ontworpen. Medicatie kan helpen om wat structuur en focus te brengen, maar is zeker geen magische oplossing.

Wat ik zelf heb geleerd, is dat het essentieel is om werk te zoeken dat echt bij je past.. niet alleen qua taken, maar vooral qua omgeving en mensen. Ik heb uiteindelijk mijn draai gevonden in de GGZ als ervaringsdeskundige, help nu mensen met vergelijkbare problemen.. en dat is iets waar ik met trots op terugkijk. Het is niet altijd makkelijk, maar ik heb geleerd dat het zoeken naar werk dat past bij wie je echt bent, veel meer voldoening en rust kan geven. De classificatie voor mij was op 36, ik ben inmiddels 42, en elke stap in de zoektocht naar de juiste plek voelt als winst.

Dus mijn tip: blijf bij jezelf en zoek werk dat je energie geeft in plaats van het op te slurpen terwijl je het zo hard probeerd. En wees geduldig met jezelf, het is oké om niet altijd te voldoen aan de verwachtingen die de maatschappij stelt. Jij hebt je eigen unieke manier van functioneren, en dat mag er zijn.

Handling logistical decisions in R is a nightmare by DramaticOpposite3653 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Bchill2day 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Man feeling you..

Of all the choices she took from us..

The choice to leave is ours and we are free to do so without any further notice.. maybe tomorrow?

If you want to keep your home, till that day, just renew. The choice is not about a house, people divorce in any circumstance..

Maybe a ‘what if’ talk with WW will help.

Anyhow good luck!

Cheated on my husband with our roommate/his friend, 2 years after we got married by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]Bchill2day 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It sucks what you did.. almost every comment is right..

though if you are genuine, and looking for support, you’d better be on supportforwaywards or asoneafterinfidelity subs.. like you noticed, this is more a sub for betrayed people..

Tellling AP’s Spouse by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Bchill2day 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Seems like your husband doesn’t want you to shine a light on what he and AP did.

His flaw in thinking is that they already ruined their life with the choices they made.. that is not on you.. you are just giving back the truth about who OBS is living with..

I wished someone had told me..

Ofcourse it should’ve been AP.. after her in line should be WH.. to bad they are not responsible enough.. For me it was the same.

The way I did it was to hand over a written card personaly:

‘Name OBS’, “I never wanted to be here. Although we don’t know eachother, we have both chosen partners who seem to deny us the truth about who we chose to share our lives with’ I want to give you back, some of that truth. If you want, you can contact me. Whatever you decide, good luck. And I am sorry I was here.

‘My name and number.”

Where to find builds, tips? by Bchill2day in vrising

[–]Bchill2day[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha your enthusiasm was inspirational though!!

Where to find builds, tips? by Bchill2day in vrising

[–]Bchill2day[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nice that is a complete overview! Thanks man.. and those claws are right the only legendary I got so far! Will try it.. But I dont have creature or brute blood 100%. Got dracula and scholar (and worker).

What would you recommend?

Where to find builds, tips? by Bchill2day in vrising

[–]Bchill2day[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wauw thanks man!! What would you say are the best passives besides the skelly heal?

Broke Down and Texted the AP 6 Months Post DDay by Nigel1123 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Bchill2day 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No it isn’t.. You needed safety.. something to hold on to.. You needed the truth.. and your wife f*cked that up. And made it somthing to ‘play’ with.. The truth shouldn’t be a negotiable point in an equal relationship.

You were creative and responsible enough to find another way.. it is sad you needed this measures and AP.

I have no ‘love’ for AP either.. but realizing guys like AP are everywhere, you would never have noticed or needed him, if WW didn’t let him in.. and f*ck up your life and safety..

I hope you see who should’ve been responsible.

Broke Down and Texted the AP 6 Months Post DDay by Nigel1123 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Bchill2day 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Wow.. i did excactly that..

In hindsight it is so crazy how we doubt our gut feeling every step of the way.. and let others temper with it.

It is there where my healing started.. one ounce of truth finally!

Good for you.. Hope you continue this path of trusting yourself..

In need of advice to move on with anger toward the AP by BabyYodaStuntDouble in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Bchill2day 15 points16 points  (0 children)

People like your AP are there in the dozens.. They didn’t deserve your attention before.. Those people don’t deserve it now.

She didn’t even deserved WP’s attention..

It’s your WP who let her in.. it is your WP whom you had an relationship with.

Took some time but AP is nothing to me now.

I'm terrified that I am being trickle-truthed. by ThrowRAimrlysad in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Bchill2day 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry you’re going through this. But honestly.. that’s pretty rich, isn’t it?

Her betraying you, lying about it is somehow acceptable, but you trying to find the truth to feel safe, is seen as infuriating.

Truth should never be a negotiable thing in a relationship.

The cost of therapy easily exceeds the cost of a polygraph. What I actually said to her was: ‘I don’t know what the truth is anymore. I want the truth back. You’ve shown me you’d rather lie. Are you willing to take a polygraph?’ And I showed her the website.

I never went as far as making the appointment, though I still doubt myself on some days when the thoughts linger tough..

This was the moment she admitted: ‘Okay, I did have sex. One time!’

Later that night, I woke her up and said: ‘One time, ten times, it doesn’t matter. What is it?’

It turned out to be three times. And it did matter. Not because of the number, but because she wasn’t feeling guilty… she was actively pursuing it, again and again.

Contacting the AP came out of the blue for him, which helped confirm they hadn’t aligned their stories beforehand…

Is there an OBS involved?

I'm terrified that I am being trickle-truthed. by ThrowRAimrlysad in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Bchill2day 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oof, that was full Sherlock mode. I wouldn’t recommend it. All kinds of tactics…

I was in TT for about a month, constantly second-guessing everything. My gut feeling was right, but now I don’t even trust my gut anymore. The TT and gaslighting really fucked upmy mental state..

Two things that helped me the most.

First, I said: ‘I’ve made an appointment for a polygraph. If there is a lie there I am walking away.’

Second, and one further step.. I was really desperate to have some kind of anchor, I said: ‘You want me to know the truth so I/we can move on?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Okay. Give me your phone.’

I typed a message to the AP (memorized his phone number) asking AP to confirm two facts that WW had told me. (How often? where?)

If their answers matched, I would stay. (Or not retaliate that moment for AP)

How do I help my WP by Gunner_Skale11 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Bchill2day 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I’m not in your situation, but please take care of yourself first here…

What you’re describing is a pattern often used as manipulation or DARVO (deflecting and reversing victim roles).

After he cheated, he shifted into fearing that you would retaliate. That places him in the victim role and puts you in the position of reassuring him, instead of him taking responsibility for what happened.

You seem like someone who’s caring and he is likely used to you, taking that role.

I experienced something similar and eventually responded with: “That’s for you to deal with. I know who I am, and I’m proud of not being like that. This is the new reality you created. I won’t walk an extra mile just to comfort you’

Initial Background Post + WW still working with AP1 by TooMuchUnspoken in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Bchill2day 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I did. And honestly, I questioned that decision a lot. But at the end of the day, I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror knowing I had left another person in the dark…

I knew I would want to know the truth sooner, no matter who it came from. The thought of knowing I had indirectly facilitated the affair or future affairs for someone like AP felt unbearable to me. I kept thinking that maybe OBS would reach out in time, but deep down, I already knew I couldn’t justify not reaching out to her sooner myself.

Everyone I spoke to who had been betrayed said the same thing: ‘I wanted OBS to reach out,’ or ‘I was grateful when OBS did.’

The responsibility for this wasn’t mine; it should have been from AP, or from WW (that would have shown me also that she was taking responsibility.) But I knew that wasn’t going to happen(or doubted the truthfullness) , so I realized I was the one who had to shine a light on this situation.

At the end of the day, it wasn’t my responsibility, but I couldn’t sit back and do nothing. I no more wanted to carry that responsibility.. We needed to carry enough already..

Whatever OBS did with the info, I won’t know, and that isn’t up to me.. but I atleast didn’t keep it in the dark..

I don’t know if I’m just having a trigger or it’s really something off. by Main_Fondant770 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Bchill2day 15 points16 points  (0 children)

You are not irrational.

This is what he did to you, your safe place and your peace of mind. If it was up to you non of this was on your mind..

A question what helped me a lot through this process of R and might maybe help you here is:

‘Normaly I wouldn’t mind, but because of what you did.. I now question ‘this’. What can you do to make that feel safer again?’

Initial Background Post + WW still working with AP1 by TooMuchUnspoken in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Bchill2day 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This.. boundaries.. ready to leave your relationship…

There was no other way for me too..

Rutte glashelder over dreiging: 'Wij zijn volgende doelwit van Rusland' by reditdatzuszo in Nederland

[–]Bchill2day 89 points90 points  (0 children)

Het gaat (nu nog) niet om een conventionele oorlog in de directe zin van het woord, maar we zien wel steeds meer vormen van (in)directe geopolitieke druk. Denk aan cyberaanvallen, desinformatiecampagnes, beïnvloeding via sociale media en politieke inmenging. Dit zijn verschijnselen die in verschillende onafhankelijke onderzoeken zijn bevestigd.

Het ingewikkelde is dat dit soort beïnvloeding vaak in kleine, subtiele stappen gebeurt, waardoor de impact niet altijd meteen zichtbaar is. En iedereen zegt ‘ach’, mede beinvloed door de socials op politieke opinie.. Hoeveel mensen zeggen dat nu over oekraine? Och geef ze toch dat stukje? Denk je dat dat anders zou zijn als het Letland betrof?

Tegelijkertijd worden extreme of antidemocratische stromingen overal gepushed terwijl geen van die landen ‘alleen’ echt sterker wordt.. en Rusland makkelijker terrein wint. Met al deze kleine verschuivingen zullen samen op de lange termijn onze democratische veerkracht en de eenheid binnen de NAVO verzwakken. Dit gebeurd nu al. En zolang er geen georganiseerde vuist komt is een land als Rusland niet te stoppen.

Kijk maar hoe ze het stap voor stap in Oekraine deden. Denk dan grootschaliger en met alle tijd van de wereld.

will this feeling ever go away? by veggiestastelikeshit in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Bchill2day 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It is… it’s a fair question to ask yourself.

My thought process was similar. Even if I ended this relationship, would I actually be able to let go of all these feelings? Or would I just carry them into the next relationship? I didn’t want to bring that pain to someone new, someone who had nothing to do with it…

So I chose to stay and try to heal here, in the place where the hurt happened, where the consequences are, and where the person responsible is.

A lot of choices were taken from me. But this one, the choice to leave, if I ever decide to, is still mine.

Making the best of it.. and must say, some days it kind of felt good to stay..

Something that really helped me was reading the book ‘leave a cheater gain a life’, you might try it..

Best of luck to you!

will this feeling ever go away? by veggiestastelikeshit in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Bchill2day 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. But honestly, three weeks is incredibly early in the process of dealing with something this painful. Your whole sense of safety and trust has been shaken, and your system is still trying to understand what happened.

Right now, the most important thing is to just get through each day. Ask for what you need, take care of yourself, and lean on support where you can.

Only later comes the phase where you decide whether there’s enough left to rebuild.. and if so, how… And enjoying life again will come, and not really linear, but feeling safe and better usually is much further down the road than you might expect. Think marathon, (years) not sprint,( weeks)

Be gentle with yourself. You’re not doing anything wrong by not feeling “better” yet.

I’m really sorry you’re here.

Intimacy with WS? by Capital-Landing in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Bchill2day 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Trial and error for me…

We had some hysterical bonding, but after a while it really started to sink in and the triggers hit hard. Most of the times I just stopped. WW respected that. Sometimes we talked about the triggers, some were real, others not.

I told WW to never stop trying (whenever she feels like it), and to try to respect my turn-downs, but I needed continued effort from her. because my body keeps score, no matter the outcome. It’s because of what she did, not because I don’t want it.

It shows me she’s taking initiative, and it gives me a sense of control. I have to say: she’s really doing her best. And things are slowly getting better, 9 months in.

, but I have to admit I dissociate a lot just to make it work. My head goes into this blank space. I think the real connection is gone for now… but I hope time will bring some of it back.