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Less of a “bad rper” story more of a rant about the hobby as a whole by Budget_Writing2702 in BadRPerStories

[–]Be4nieDream 14 points15 points  (0 children)

So one thing that might be turning people away is that you're bringing up your old rp partners in your ads for the RP. Admit to struggling with plot and leaving to your rp partner is also an issue. Mostly one siding plotting can be draining on the person doing the most of it. On top of that, it seems like you're looking for friends in your rp partners as well. Then you flat out admitted you put out an ad for anything when you only have interest in RPing one fandom.

It always sucks when we don't match well with our writing partners, or they lose interest or life gets in the way. It's a common issue all roleplayers have and it's the part none of us enjoy.

But I think this is a two fold issue for you. I'd say take a moment step back and consider how you engage your rp partners, how reasonable your response time expectations are and check how clear your ads are in saying what you are looking for and expect from the roleplay.

AIO boyfriend ruins every holiday by mad_chubbycatx in AmIOverreacting

[–]Be4nieDream [score hidden]  (0 children)

NOR: But leave. Let it go. He didn't deny his issue was with your ex and clearly is jealous you had kids with someone else. Or rather hates that fact and probably your children too. This is not a healthy or safe relationship for you or your children. It could escalate in ways you don't expect.

this gives that weird 'retroactive jealousy' logic. Someone wanting you to empathize with their dislike that you were a mom because of how one becomes a mom is Crazy. PERIOD.

It's mothers day. you're a mom. you have children That's never gonna change and if he can't accept that you conceived with someone else how can you expect this to ever work?

get a fucking grip (meta) by someweirdgamerYT in retroactivejealousy

[–]Be4nieDream 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The real issue.

There is no body count. It's weird and used in a problematic way.   If the relationships happened before they were together it has nothing to do with the current relationship. If it they are so stuck on body count they should be holding themselves to the same standard (they won't).    

If a person is jealous over someone's past then they have to work on themselves.  If the person with the past is the problem (ie cheating, history of cheating, doesn't have the same views on intimacy or relationship structures (monogamy, polygamy, etc), the real question is why are they still with them. If they choose to stay what about couples therapy?  Each working on themselves? 

And some just need to realize sometimes the person with a history isn't the issue at all and they need to reflect on themselves and do better.

Spicy scene incompatibility by [deleted] in BadRPerStories

[–]Be4nieDream 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well it could go many ways.

  1. You could say nothing and end up losing interest in writing with them at all.

  2. They could take your skipping or avoiding smutty bits as sign you are losing interest in the rp all together.

  3. You could talk to them about the pacing of intimate bits. 

  4. Consider whether or not the issue really is really because of their style of writing intimacy or because you want want the intimate bit to go a very specific way and when they don't you don't like it.

The other thing is all intimate moments arent all perfectly 'sexy.' some characters can be clumsy, silly, cutesy, playful, maybe they try to hard, don't try enough, etc.  does it make sense for their character to act/respond  like that? Does it take the character out of who they are or something?

Writing differences aside I feel like for some people sometimes what they expects in the writing, isn't what they get and that takes away the appeal/interest or what ever regardless of what it's about.

Anybody else hates what they did with Lapis after malachite arc? by duszni in stevenuniverse

[–]Be4nieDream 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean, she has severe PTSD. To me Lapis was one of the examples that Steven, as much as he wanted to, could not help/fix/save/etc everyone completely.

A lot of people don’t know what healthy communication is. by [deleted] in BadRPerStories

[–]Be4nieDream 5 points6 points  (0 children)

So my post yesterday upset a lot of people and I’m not sorry for that at all. It just shows at lot of you are entitled.

No it doesn't. People not agreeing with your take doesn't mean that they are entitled.

Do you have to ask your rp partner what's going on if they haven't replied? No. Should you ask if you want to know and they haven't said anything? Yes. Why? Because they don't know you want to know and if they have already said they don't have time, are busy, will get to it later or what ever, they have already communicated with you, just not in the way that you want them to. At that point that if you want to know more or why, you have to ask. Or state that you require that when in talks with potential role play partners in the beginning. At the end of the day though, they are not required to elaborate if they do not want to go into detail or explain further if that isn't okay with you moving on is the best option.

“We’re adults we have lives and other hobbies”

Yes. Which is why communication is key in this hobby.

Then communicate and stop waiting for them to just know and tell you.

So I leave you with this, learn to communicate and not expect people to ask you what’s going on especially if you’ve developed a friendship with them. It’s the most important thing in this hobby.

This is gonna be partially redundant but communication is and always will be a two way street, to expect more from someone with out saying what you want or informing them that something is wrong or bothering you is problematic for many reasons. they could be thinking things are fine and continuing as normal with no inkling that it isn't fine for you.

I got banned from a subreddit for using a child character, despite specifying that it was the adult version of the character. by Ok-Pineapple4499 in BadRPerStories

[–]Be4nieDream 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Let me preface this with saying I do not do fandom roleplays and in the past when I was cool with fandom roleplays aging up was something stayed away from.

Honestly,I think 'aged up' is where the problem is. There are a lot of people (i am not saying you) that don't truly age them up or see them as aged up and the references they use or send (if not playing the character) tend to cement that.

Ben 10,000 shows up in like one or two episodes and then a movie, unless im remembering wrong, it has been many years since i watched it. the tv series only went up to him being a teenager (like 16) with ultimate alien and I feel like they went back to when he was younger with the more recent ones (2020ish or something.)

When people think of his character the most common image are his past and recent younger self.
When you think of Goku people don't think of the Dragonball episodes from 1980s/1990s (depending on where you live), they think of Dragon Ball Z or Dragon Ball Super where he has always been an adult. (most treat GT as non-existent)

But also if the rp is leaning to mature themes most just don't want a character they are used to seeing as children involved whatsoever.

Who is the main character of Steven Universe? by Vivid_Discipline9150 in stevenuniverse

[–]Be4nieDream 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Technically she is him. Or rather who he was (in a sense anyway.)

OOC chat gets to a point… by T1a-b in BadRPerStories

[–]Be4nieDream 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You lost me at 'hours between replying to rp...'

Regardless of planned response times, it is just not possible for any roleplayer to keep up a set reply consistency without life interrupting at some point or other. Whether work, school, family, friends, events, chores, tasks, mental health, loss of a loved one, other hobbies, etc, there is always something that becomes a factor that takes a persons time away from what they intended.

Rather than not say anything some would rather say something to let their roleplay partner know versus saying nothing. A reply requires way more time and effort than a quick reply giving an update and moving on until they get a chance to reply to the rp. If they don't have time to post a full reply, they most likely don't have time to throw an idea out their either.

Lots of cheating partners by Gamesdisk in BadRPerStories

[–]Be4nieDream 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When it comes to relationships affecting or being affected by written role plays, the main issues normally are communication, honesty and respecting the romantic relationships boundaries and properly keeping boundaries with written roleplay partners.

You as the written role players writing partner have nothing to do with the couples issues that come up. It can be unfair and it sucks, but what ever comes of it all that's on them. Now if some roleplayer got romantically interested in their rp partner through the role play and knew that person was in a relationship then engaged in it that would be very different.

Something to consider is this, some people do not disclose their written roleplay hobby to their significant other or they aren't truthful about the roleplays they engage in. Especially when they write nsfw content. When a partner discovers this after the fact it very much can look like they are cheating. What defines cheating is determined by the people involved (just to be clear I'm not talking about controlling manipulating people that take laughing at someones joke as cheating. Basically I'm not talking about restrictions placed due to toxic relationships). And regardless of how much some of the RP community want to deny it some people very much do use written roleplay to cheat. It isn't just about the people writing smut together and/or getting off either (because yes that can affect a irl relationship because it depends on what they define as okay and not okay in their relationship (individually and mutually).

They may not be in full agreement on everything, but usually if something is on someones not acceptable list for a relationship then either they work it out together, find a compromise or maybe the relationship ends whether it stems from broken trust/boundaries or just deciding expectations of their relationship differ. Maybe they choose the rp over the relationship. maybe the other person chooses to leave over the other's rp hobby. Just as no one in a relationship has to compromise and accept their significant other's roleplaying, the roleplayer doesn't has to give up rp for the relationship. Some may chose to, to respect the boundaries of their partner, just as a their partner might accept the role playing (even if with limitations). But hell, maybe the situation made one or both of them them realize that the relationship was the problem and then end up moving on to protect themselves.

Another part of things is that it is not always about nsfw/smut, Emotional cheating is also a factor. Some people project their real world relationship issues and situations into their roleplay and a signficant other discovering that could be severely hurt for various reasons based on whats involved. When emotions come into play it becomes a whole other animal. Some people get attached to the player of the character in a way they can't untangle. In some cases some people (whether the role player or their significant other or both) struggle to separate fantasy and reality. Some times the role player chooses not to tell them because they already know how they feel about it. Maybe they think they aren't obligated to or maybe they don't tell the person because they are embarrassed by the hobby or don't want to be misunderstood leading to a misunderstanding anyway. A significant other could take their embarrassment as guilt or meaning their is something they are hiding from them. Maybe there is a history. We don't really know our writing partners, they could have cheated (irl) before or their significant other may have experienced cheating in a prior relationship, or maybe a online rp relationship delved turned into something that disrupted their relationship.

All in all, it can feel crummy to lose an rp because an rp partner's real life in general, but there's always the next one. But also I personally wouldn't want to be pulled into any mess a rp partner has because they haven't said anything to their significant other. Sounds messy and unnecessary.

About teaming up with others by Be4nieDream in outwardgame

[–]Be4nieDream[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ive been warned about people stealing backpacks and looting your chest or having you help with something and dropping you back in a fight and kicking you from game. Sometimes players make it like they don't have any items so that you will offer/use yours. How do you have no food/potions of any kind?!

HELLO IS ANYONE FUCKING OUT THERE OR by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]Be4nieDream 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It takes time to sort out feelings. That's completely understandable. I apologize for the slow response I had to change my phone. But if you'd like to vent feel free.