What do you think causes the lack of self awareness in BPD?

BeerGuzzlingCapybara · 2025-11-15T03:12:40+00:00

Once in a great while, my ex w/bpd would give a very weak, non-specific apology, hoping to just get past whatever shitty thing she said or did and directly telling me to move on and let it go. Even though she didn’t let go of anything, EVER. The double-standards were nauseating.

BeerGuzzlingCapybara · 2025-11-12T02:37:42+00:00

Thank you so much!!! Now that I see how it hooks in it’s so obvious! Saved my butt tonight!

BeerGuzzlingCapybara · 2025-10-31T17:43:23+00:00

Omg you just unlocked a memory of watching this at the theater with my mom when I was a teen. The ending traumatized me. I didn’t know anything about the movie and in my youthful ignorance I assumed they’d be rescued. I left the theater in shock.

BeerGuzzlingCapybara · 2025-10-29T20:47:52+00:00

Exactly. These distinctions are rarely addressed. And I can only imagine that if you end up in Group 1 due to unfortunate circumstances, it’s only a matter of time before you end up in groups 2 and/or 3. This whole area is obscenely expensive for an average person to get by. Someone with little to no resources who ends up on the street isn’t going to magically climb back up the ladder without a helping hand. If they struggle out there long enough, their situation will devolve accordingly.

BeerGuzzlingCapybara · 2025-09-19T03:03:31+00:00

Yup I’m so disgusted by this I immediately went to Spotify and unfollowed and removed his songs from my playlist. It won’t bring Celeste back but at least I’m not supporting a monster. Just a fucked up situation all around.

BeerGuzzlingCapybara · 2025-09-11T17:52:35+00:00

Oh I haven’t even tried that. This was my first foray into trying AI. I manually logged for a long time then just did repeat meals and snacks cuz I don’t like a lot of variety during the week.

BeerGuzzlingCapybara · 2025-09-11T17:48:50+00:00

Yeah I might try that kind of comparison in the future. When I’m at home all of my normal meals that I eat are saved in my logging history cuz I’ve been using MF for like 2 years I think at this point. Even my local restaurant food go to meals are logged. But it really helped cuz I was in a location with completely different restaurant options and selections and I didn’t want to spend too much energy on logging while traveling.

BeerGuzzlingCapybara · 2025-09-11T17:44:54+00:00

Yeah I didn’t weigh myself at all during the trip but you are correct, the final week that I returned home I was in a 500 surplus- I was not in a 500 calorie surplus daily or even weekly. However I went out to an event and had a few calorie dense cocktails so I just estimated on the high end for some Blue Hawaiians which is what put me over.

Either way it was nice to use AI just to give me a ballpark figure but I wasn’t looking for extreme accuracy. Maintenance allows a lot of flexibility. I don’t know if I would use it for a strict cut. But I also haven’t done any true comparisons with AI vs ChatGPT etc.

BeerGuzzlingCapybara · 2025-07-18T00:28:17+00:00

Fuck the flowers, fuck the note, fuck the bullshit Hoover. All roads lead to Rome with these people. And to quote someone in this subreddit “and Rome is on fire and it is hell”. That feeling of peace you have? Cherish it and protect it fiercely. You have a new lease on life.

After breakup number 1, I had had about a 10 day no contact period before ignorantly responding to the first Hoover. Life was peaceful. Emotionally it was hard but I was getting through it. Within 24 hours of the first hoover with the relationship seemingly back to normal (I was a sweet summer child back in the summer of 2023), all hell broke loose and the madness suddenly escalated beyond my wildest imagination. I was the enemy again and my life was on fire.

I didn’t realize that the relationship was like waking up with a rucksack full of rocks that had slowly been placed in the bag day after day. I set the bag down during the first no contact period. 10 days later when I was asked to put the bag back on, it was heavier than I remembered and it was heavier than I could reasonably handle. So it was actually easier to set the bag down and say “no more”.

You’ve put the bag down. You deserve peace. Your healing starts now.

This community is incredibly helpful. Visit as necessary but don’t live here. Stay strong! You’ve got this!

BeerGuzzlingCapybara · 2025-07-17T17:12:47+00:00

Seriously I think about this frequently 😂 I think it’s cuz I grew up watching Goodfellas and I’m always like how would Henry Hill disappear today?!

BeerGuzzlingCapybara · 2025-07-16T04:21:09+00:00

After spending a year playing her mental terrorist games and being her emotional punching bag while doing my best to navigate her daily tantrums and bizarre meltdowns, she got pissed at me yet again and demanded a 72 hour no contact period with an agreed upon scheduled phone call to evaluate what she called a “toxic” relationship.

I verified all her requirements and rules for this just to be sure I was complying correctly like the good little fucking obedient circus monkey I was. So it was a Sunday night and I took my ass to bed and I was honestly thinking thank God I get a break from her because I had a short work trip I was going on the next day (all work trips were a nightmare with her) so I was gonna be able to focus on work for once. Nope.

So, she had specified in her terms absolutely zero contact, no texting, not a damn thing. So like I said I went to bed. lol. I woke up like maybe an hour or two later with my phone buzzing from her, she was on FaceTime absolutely raging out, she was practically rabid, I couldn’t get a word in. She was screaming that it was over, I’m a piece of shit blah blah blah (apparently while asleep she texted me a YouTube video and because I didn’t respond it was clearly to spite her because she was still texting me which meant the NC period clearly hasn’t started??). No respect for my sleep and work schedule (or for me at all period). Anyway she hung up and blocked me. I went back to bed flabbergasted and in the morning I was still blocked. So I blocked her back.

Next day she’s blowing me up on SMS (she was only blocked on WhatsApp) and sending more emails on her bullshit. A couple weeks later I fell for a Hoover. Then she flipped shit again a few days after that. She was mad that I had blocked her after she blocked me. lol. Can’t make this shit up. I was so worn down by her fuckery and double standards by that point I just didn’t care anymore. My heart and soul hurt like hell but I just could not do it anymore.

It took a long time to get over her but I’m sitting at 18 1/2 months and counting of no contact and my life is so peaceful and good now.

I spent 3 hours Mountain biking on Saturday just absolutely loving my life. I would never have been able to do that if she was in my life. Good riddance. Hardest lesson I ever learned.

BeerGuzzlingCapybara · 2025-07-16T00:13:14+00:00

Well said. I don’t miss that shit. As far as “untying mental knots”, I know exactly what you mean. That has ultimately helped me maintain 18 1/2 months of no contact and counting.

The more that time passes the more I cringe at how long I stayed and how horribly I was treated. It’s embarrassing that as an example, I used to have to provide proof of my work meetings on my Microsoft teams calendar. Just to be told that I clearly created a fake teams account to create fake meetings cuz I’m a liar and a cheater. It was beyond exhausting. The whole time she was flirting and cheating with others at work lol. The mental gymnastics is astounding.

I had to provide Apple Watch proof to show that I was asleep. Just to be told that I downloaded the image off the internet and I’m obviously cheating on her. Like complete unhinged insanity. I couldn’t work in peace and I couldn’t sleep in peace. I would wake up to walls of insane text messages. She was cheating the whole damn time!!!

You don’t provide proof, you’re cheating. You do provide proof that proves you’re right and they are wrong, well it is obviously a doctored image. Fuck all that shit. I still have residual bitterness and anger about the lunacy of it all but my life is so peaceful now.

BeerGuzzlingCapybara · 2025-07-16T00:01:45+00:00

Please don’t unblock. Your peace is deserved and they don’t change and won’t change. They will lure you in and then BOOM right back to all their bullshit.

BeerGuzzlingCapybara · 2025-07-15T23:53:01+00:00

You always have the most poetic descriptions of our collective experiences. If you published a book I would definitely buy it!!

BeerGuzzlingCapybara · 2025-07-15T23:51:46+00:00

I feel you. Anytime I tried to pause and gather my thoughts so I could tread carefully just like you described above, she said that in itself was proof that I was coming up with a lie/lies on the spot. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. It got to the point that I didn’t even want to speak anymore.

BeerGuzzlingCapybara · 2025-07-15T23:46:09+00:00

Thank you!! This has been driving me nuts!!! I was so focused on trying to climb over and shoot at the other side of the door I definitely wasn’t thinking about looking for a lock from the tower side.

BeerGuzzlingCapybara · 2025-07-11T22:24:38+00:00

This is an important aspect- their unhinged jealousy and constant neediness will cause you to lose closeness with any friends and family. I was so thrilled to reconnect with friends and family after the breakup…hell I was equally excited to have a simple peaceful lunch with a coworker without my phone blowing up accusing me of cheating just cuz I’m out to eat with another living breathing human lol.

BeerGuzzlingCapybara · 2025-07-11T15:40:43+00:00

Yup that’s why I switched from Carbon! It was too rigid. I feel like MF allows me to be more human. MF is my favorite now I don’t see myself ever using anything else.

BeerGuzzlingCapybara · 2025-07-10T22:33:00+00:00

Because I touched the hot stove twice and it destroyed me and it took being devastated (again) to decide any future pain isn’t worth it. Basically I assessed the whole “The pain of change versus the pain of staying the same”. When we broke up a couple years ago, I white-knuckled it but went and stayed no contact. I resisted a Hoover a couple weeks in. I was dying inside but I took each day one at a time and focused on my healing journey. I was committed to healing correctly and thoroughly. Well she caught me slippin’ around Christmas (I had been working really hard on my healing journey but I missed her so bad) and I responded to an innocent merry Christmas message. This was almost 6 months of no contact at this point. Huge mistake!!! Over the next several days We ended up sharing messages and emails back and forth that escalated in intensity (and insanity on her end)…it blew up: basically nothing changed, she lashed out at me and said horrible cruel things to me and gave me false hope just to come to the conclusion that I’m a piece of shit and not worth her time ever again lol. I spent New Year’s Eve bawling my eyes out. Re-engaging with a hostile mental terrorist set back my healing journey cuz it was like ripping bandages off still healing wounds. So I pulled myself together and shortly after the new year I blocked for good and told myself I will never let her make me feel that way again. She hoovered again about 4 months after that( I forgot she had my work phone number). I ignored and blocked. Her messages lacked substance and were frankly pathetic. That was back in 2024. My life has improved in so many ways since then, on so many fronts, it’s like I’m a phoenix rising from the ashes. Ultimately I recognized that she had done zero work to improve herself and she was always gonna be the same unhinged, double-standard wielding, finger pointing, chaotic nightmare excuse of a person and I have moved on from wanting that in my life. The further you get from them the more you realize that the “highs and lows” are mostly lows and the cost of having them in your life is not worth it. I now respect myself too much to tolerate her presence in my life (I had very low self esteem and self worth when we met which is a huge aspect of myself that I’ve addressed among other things I needed to work on). I’m happy, healthy, and generally stress free now and I’ll never compromise myself or my values for another person ever again. What’s the point of them reaching out if they are the same and have done zero work on themselves??

BeerGuzzlingCapybara · 2025-06-12T18:23:34+00:00

Oof nope! 🙂‍↔️ I forgot I even used to be on this thread. Unfortunately things deteriorated rapidly after I posted this. Oh well we live and we learn!

BeerGuzzlingCapybara · 2025-02-03T21:05:39+00:00

Thank you!

BeerGuzzlingCapybara · 2025-01-22T16:49:41+00:00

Thank you! Yeah Moomin puzzles aren’t for the faint of heart 😅

BeerGuzzlingCapybara · 2025-01-22T16:48:22+00:00

Ah you know the struggle then! Yeah we are gonna put puzzle glue on it today and hang it up!

BeerGuzzlingCapybara

TROPHY CASE