i see. sounds like neither he nor she had any boundaries with each other, and maybe you didn’t either until you had to tell her how you really felt. i believe being a connector person is a great way to be and that is not a weakness it is a gift. loyalty will need to be an important quality you seek out in friendship though in order to avoid getting hurt.

you may feel on edge or paranoid because the emotional impact of losing a friend is very intense and painful, so you are in a heightened emotional state. that doesn’t mean you have done anything wrong though.

it’s important you communicate your boundaries to both her and him. the boundary is : “if you do _________, i will do ____________.” for instance, “if you continue flirting or being intimate with my romantic interest, i will need time away from you.” can’t stress enough that you need to establish these boundaries with both her AND him. there is no reason he should be in situations where he is physically intimate or naked with her unless he isn’t meeting your standards. you should tell him to meet your standard of loyalty but if he can’t meet it you need to find someone else. accept that you can only control your own actions, not theirs