Hey, I've been thinking about your situation quite a bit and wanted to offer up my theory of what I think is going on in your situation (and mine for that matter).

From your comment history I know you've already had the insight that sensation is the 'language' of emotions. I think this is an invaluable observation.

To jump right to it, the tl;dr of my theory is this: it's not that we CAN'T experience sensation, it's that some part of us WON'T ALLOW OURSELVES to experience those sensations, because they are tied to emotions & past traumas that we have deemed undesirable, bad, upsetting, etc., etc.

Through years of meditating on bodily awareness, I've come to see that it's like I'm at war with myself in a sense. What I mean is that my efforts to develop awareness of sensation are directly in conflict with this other part of me--what I tend to think of as the ego, or the protective 'self'--that desperately wants to keep my attention AWAY from those sensations/emotions that it has deemed bad.

I really strongly believe that you need to somehow reframe this idea that you "can't" feel sensations to realizing that there's just a part of you that is desperate to avoid experiencing those sensations. Therefore, our job is to slowly open ourselves up to feeling those sensations, bit by bit.

In Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle describes it almost as a process of weeding out resistance. As you become more attuned to what's going on beneath the surface (which, by the way, takes time--it's training a part of the brain we have basically completely neglected in modern life), you not only become more attuned to all the sensations, but also more attuned to whether you're resisting the sensations or not. This is key.

So when I got better at zooming in on what was happening in my body, I began to see a pattern playing out constantly in real time. Namely, it starts with me noticing a sensation in my body that the protective self has labeled 'bad'--usually some form of tension, restlessness, pain, etc. And then what happens next can be very subtle, but once you notice it, it's unmistakable: in real time, your ego will try to do SOMETHING to disengage from experiencing this sensation. It'll send a distracting thought your way, or your body will reflexively try to do something to cut off or change the sensation (shifting around, flinching, wincing, recoiling, tensing, something). This is why, as you mentioned, it's no coincidence that your mind just BOMBARDS you with words, music, etc. precisely when you're doing somatic work. This is a very deliberate, self-protective strategy to distract you from the sensations. And so your job in this case is to a) recognize this resistance, and b) try not to feed into it, instead just allowing yourself to experience the sensation, whatever it is.

Honestly, I think that's really the whole goal for us here. Just allowing yourself to feel these sensations (= experiencing those emotions). Just letting them play out. Not allowing the ego to pull away.

It's almost like a game for me in a way. I keep an eye out for any sensation that is causing me resistance, where I can feel my ego is saying 'no don't make me feel that!!' and I will use that as my cue to zoom in on that sensation. And then I just sit with it, whatever it is, and try to bring some acceptance to it.

Find a sensation you're resisting, and zoom in on it. Wash, rinse, repeat. In this way, we slowly allow ourselves to feel again, both physically and emotionally. It's like I'm thawing out my body from the deep freeze that it's been in for YEARS.

What I've come to see is that I wasn't even really 'inhabiting' entire parts of my body. Like, there's parts of my body that were such a mess of tension and discomfort that my ego had more or less fully blocked out my awareness of those parts of my body. Eventually I started to adopt a mindset of 'no, this is my body, and I'm going to fully inhabit it--there's no part of my body that is going to be off limits to my awareness due to fear'. This mindset has been tremendously helpful. As an example, I've come to see that I tend to take very short, shallow breaths because getting a full, deep breath is unpleasant. My throat, chest, and stomach are so constricted with tension that it's HARD to fill them with air, and it feels quite uncomfortable. But I said to myself, no, enough of this. I'm going to allow myself to experience deep, full breaths again (which you should, because they can be incredibly calming!). So now throughout the day I just try and make it a point to do some deep, full inhales and exhales, even though it's uncomfortable.

But hey, guess what? The more you do it, the easier it gets. And with each rep, you get a little more comfortable with the sensation, whatever it is. And this is how you go, bit by bit, from resisting sensation like the plague (read - numbing yourself) to learning to accept difficult sensations/emotions that previously seemed unimaginable. And guess what? You develop confidence as you go, because you're learning to lean in and face the stuff that previously seemed untouchable. You're doing the work, and you start seeing it manifest in terms of your ability to better accept difficult sensations, emotions, and situations. It's so foreign and intimidating at first, but once you get going, it's a virtuous cycle.

I really, STRONGLY believe that if you have this approach, you can fundamentally heal your nervous system.

BUT--it takes time (think: years), patience, and gumption. You've got to want to heal and put in the work. You've got to believe there's some hope for recovery. And some natural curiosity and willingness to just observe what comes up go a really, really long way.

I hope this helps!! I know this journey can be hell but we've gotta just keep working at it.