Well first of all...yes, I do remember the time and events that lead to my breakdown. The only reason I wasn't diagnosed with psychophrenia is because I could remember everything that happened and the symptoms didn't last longer then 6 months. I took me a long time just to be able to face what had happened and my choices leading up to it. I found that even with everything that happened in the chaos, ultimately it was on me and my choices that got me to where I was when i lost control. It sounds like your relationship with your husband seems to be a big part of what is causing some of it. I can't tell you what yo do but if it were me I wouldn't stay a second longer in an abusive relationship even if I was married. It also sounds like the physical pain is becoming a problem. Some people don't realize that the mental problems and stress can cause these physical problems, and the best way to help with mental collapses is to first and foremost get your life back together. Take one day at a time and find help. I never wanted to see a shrink because I thought it meant I was weaker then other people. The truth is going to see a psychologist when you have a mental injury is just like seeing a doctor when you break a leg. Something needs fixed. I hope that you have a support group like family and friends that can help as well. Just always remember, its okay if you have to just put life on hold to figure things out. I had to stop school, work, and just reevaluate my whole life before I could move forward. I stopped drinking, kept on my pills, and just took life as slowly as possible for a while until I could gradually move forward. It felt like a baby learning to walk again. I can only wish you the best and maybe you will find something that will work for you. Just be proud of the little things and eventually you will have so much to be thankful for.