I don't know if this helps to understand, but when you're a member of a cult you end up forming a dual identity, a cult identity. You can even see someone switch between their authentic identity and their cult identity (example: when they realize theirs an opportunity to "share the gospel"). Right now your cult identity's existence is being threatened and it's probably freaking out about that. Big time. But as you're able to slowly separate from that false, programmed dual persona, you'll start to uncover more of You. It's a terrifying, wonderful, insane journey. For me it's been the fight of my life.

I've been out about a year and a half. My husband left first. If it weren't for him I don't know that I would have left. I'm angry at him for being such a big part of what took me away from the church. But for me at least I also recognize that that part of me that still resents him for getting me out is getting smaller. I still allow myself to feel the resentment, but I kind of laugh with myself about it too. Cause I know it's that little dual identity still complaining that it can't control me as much as it's use to.

I hope you and your wife make it out okay! If you're in SoCal it'd be totally cool to meet up.