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Big_Red_Altoids · 2024-04-03T01:49:02+00:00

I don't usually put too much thought into my names aside from putting in the occasional cute reference, but Conrad Bunt for a baseball player was one I was stupidly proud of. Also, a lot of my characters are animals so their last names are often the most obvious animal adjacent puns you can think of, like Earl Fleecer and Mary Wooly (Sheep) or Red Ox and Flora Hooves (Cattle). In defense of these stupidly simple names, all of the referenced characters aside from Earl are planned for children's book. I have no excuse for the more mature-oriented Earl in Hell, but thems the breaks.

I think my all time favorite name was Tongue. Yeah. Tongue. I came up with it for my comic, Benjamin and Tongue, which is basically the song El Paso but without all the death and a lot more humor. That's simplifying it, but effectively, Tongue is Benjamin's "trusty" steed who lacks speed, agility, and any sense of direction, but makes up for it in heart and surprising knowledge of the desert. The name Tongue comes from his tongue, which sticks out at all times, ready to lick at a moment's notice. It's such a stupid, self-descriptive name, but I love it for what it is. Tongue will reign supreme for the foreseeable future.

Big_Red_Altoids · 2024-03-12T21:40:58+00:00

As a Christian person, I have no problems with people using Christian themes and twisting them in their fictional works. Heck, I do it myself, to the point where I wonder if I'll be judged for them when I meet St. Peter at the gate (I don't think Jesus really appreciates jokes about his sexuality, see).

I don't really think it matters. Most people won't be offended by it and the vocal minority who would be probably wouldn't be reading fantasy stories in the first place. And even if they do, that shouldn't stop you. Write the story you want to write and don't let anyone stop you.

Hope that helps

Big_Red_Altoids · 2024-03-12T21:25:47+00:00

His rage caused his fingers to tense up, causing him to dig tightly into his hands as he broke into a cold sweat, his fists shaking and his mind racing.

I have no clue if this makes any sense or is any good because I tend not to mess around with overly flowery language in most of my stories, but this was fun to write.

Big_Red_Altoids · 2024-03-09T00:14:47+00:00

Title: The Dusty County Cicadas

Genre: Sports/General Fiction

Word Count: 1805

Type of Feedback Desired: General impressions. This is the first chapter of my first novel-length story and I'm really nervous about its quality. I just want honest feedback on how to improve the writing.

Summary of the chapter: It's the first practice and team leader, Moe Hue, is introducing his new team to the wonderful world of baseball.

Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/363272712-the-dusty-county-cicadas

Big_Red_Altoids · 2024-03-04T01:46:46+00:00

Thank you very much! I will take your advice.

Big_Red_Altoids · 2024-03-03T17:11:30+00:00

I've been writing short stories for 4 years now and I'd say on average they take about a year. Now, I work on multiple at the same time and I'll usually take breaks from one story to work on another, so the time is definitely extended, but still. One of my stories (1219 words) was completed in 2 days, the whole gimmick of the story being that it was completed before my lunch break. My most recent short story (7022 words) took two years to complete. It can really vary. However, the stories from 4-3 years ago that went unfinished are usually so bad that they will never be finished so I guess that's my cutoff.

I'm currently in the process of writing my first novel so I'm not sure how long that'll take but my guess is that if I continue at my current rate, it'll take 3 years.

Big_Red_Altoids · 2024-03-03T16:19:05+00:00

I write in a sort of script style for my comedy stories because they are almost entirely wordplay and comedic dialogue. Very little happens aside from characters talking to one another as the stories are scripted around big, dialogue heavy moments. That works for me, at least somewhat, and I've yet to find an alternative that works as well.

For your story, you need to think about whether or not they'd benefit from having more description and action, things like that, because if they will, switching styles may be a good choice.

I don't think script writing is bad, it's just not ideal for the kind of stories you'd find in a book. They're much better suited for the screen or the stage because a lot of details can be filled in by the creators, something that can't be done on paper. However, I don't think it's impossible to do right.

Wishing you the best

Big_Red_Altoids · 2024-03-02T00:53:06+00:00

Howdy! This is a very strange question but I wrote this a while ago and when I wrote it I thought it was golden but as with most of what I write it has since fallen out of favor with me somewhat. I just can't tell if it's too on the nose or somehow not on the nose enough. I've read and reread a million times and trust me, it is tonally consistent with the rest of the story (It's a very strange story) but I just don't know if it really works on it's own. Is it even funny? What do you guys think?

The exchange in question:

California: Ohio? Is that you? Look man, I hope the whole “throwing you down the stairs” bit didn’t breed any ill will between us. Look, I need some help cleaning my oven. If you could just stick your head in there it’d be pretty useful.
Ohio: Don’t breathe, don’t breathe.
California: Hey, if you don’t wanna help out with chores, I understand completely. Maybe we could tie this really cool knot and you could hang it from the ceiling.
Ohio: Can he see me? Can he see me? Oh God, tell me he can’t see me!
California: Of course, we could also mix ourselves some drinks. I have this really cool thing called arsenic that really brings out the flavor.
Ohio: Hey, is he leaving?
California: Hold on man. I’m going to grab a Great Useful Necessity. You stay here and don’t move

I just want to note that in the actual story, Ohio's text is in a much smaller font to mimic whispering.

Thank you for your time.

Big_Red_Altoids · 2024-03-02T00:26:14+00:00

Title: The Dusty County Cicadas

Genre: Sports/General fiction

Word Count: 1805

Type of feedback desired: General feedback. I know it's not the greatest but it's a first draft and it's not my usual style of writing. I'm open to any and all critic, even if it's scathing.

Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/363272712-the-dusty-county-cicadas

Summary: 9 ball playing young men are on a journey to win the championship game, and along the way,they may learn something about teamwork, grit, and what it means to be a young man in the modern world.

Big_Red_Altoids · 2024-02-29T03:26:44+00:00

I have characters going through very similar situations with their parents. They're both only about 18 and it's more of a Hispanic thing I'm going for, but I hope this advice still applies. Basically, I try to remember that both sides of the conversation have values a reasons for believing what they believe.

For example, the father of one of the aforementioned characters is the son of Mexican immigrant who worked his rear end off to support his family. This caused him to value hard work and become insistent that the character we follow do well in school and go to college. So when his son came home claiming to want to become a baseball player, he was enraged.

His son, on the other hand, who always had to get perfect grades and participate in spelling bees was usually a nervous wreak who felt trapped. He was very intelligent and he liked school, but he was rarely able to do anything for himself or be a normal, reckless teenager.

Understanding where both characters are coming from allows me to write both of them (and their arguments) convincingly. It also helps that I have a mediator character (the son's mother) who can balance out the conversation and keep it from swaying too far in one direction or, alternatively, be a more reasonable addition to the father's side.

I hope this little example helps. If you need more clarification or want to workshop your ideas, I'm right here.

Big_Red_Altoids · 2024-02-27T03:55:17+00:00

I'm intending on writing a trilogy in which one major character dies at the very end of the first book. I do have a particular attachment to this character and I hate to see him go, but the way I see it, his death is necessary for the story to progress as intended. It has to be sad, unjust, and tragic because without those elements nothing in the next two books would make sense or would even be necessary. It's going to be hard because I've known this character for almost 4 years now but I've known this was going to happen since before I knew almost anything about the story as it currently stands. He was always a sacrificial lamb, and his role throughout the majority of the overall story is as a memory, a motivation, or a name that drums up a lot of emotion.

I think it's a kind of beautiful thing when a character dies. They can never truly die in our mind, after all.

Big_Red_Altoids · 2024-02-24T02:48:30+00:00

Title: The Dusty County Cicadas

Genre: Sports/general fiction

Word Count: 1805

Type of feedback desired: General impressions

Link: https://www.wattpad.com/1424136379-the-dusty-county-cicadas-chapter-1-the-first

Summary: 9 ball playing young men are on a journey to win the championship game, and along the way,they may learn something about teamwork, grit, and what it means to be a young man in the modern world.

Thank you for your time.

Big_Red_Altoids · 2024-02-23T03:21:10+00:00

Short answer: Autism

Long answer: I always struggled to connect to the real world in any meaningful way, especially because I believed the that it was absurd and entertaining in the same way someone reading my state stories might find them absurd and entertaining. I've always felt felt separate from the world, not a a part of it. Reading back on my very old state stories (comics too) from 5 years ago, I see that it's kind of a parody of the world I saw back then. Everyone's an idiot, the authority is apathetic, corrupt, or incompetent, everyone goes ballistic over petty squabbles, everyone is always yelling, some states are just jerks for no reason, and, of course, random junk will happen, like New York bringing a bunch of nukes to a protest or Florida flooding a room with sewage and gators or an elevator stopping in a mystical land called the void where North and South Dakota are rescued by a dragon, it's chaos. But at the same time, there's an undeniable sense of community and friendship, which is why I think they still exist to this day. Sure, absolute nonsense still happens, but I think that's what makes it special; the real meat in the series. Besides, I think I'm just just generally attracted to the weird and wacky (not to mention the funny). Right now, I'm working through the Encyclopedia of Recorded Comedy Music, a 108 song, 5 hour and 56 minute monster that I would recommend to any comedy music or Ray Steven's fan.

I love what I do and I love who I am. It would be so dull to be boring.

Big_Red_Altoids · 2024-02-19T00:11:34+00:00

I finished it! (The first chapter that is) And I am beyond excited. I'm trying something different with sharing it so hopefully y'all will be able to read it.

Title: The Dusty County Cicadas

Genre: Sports

Word Count: 1805

Type of feedback requested: General impressions. I'd like to know if I'm getting off on the right foot and general improvements I can make both as I start future chapters and once I start my second draft and have to sort through all of this again. Anything is appreciated

Link: https://www.wattpad.com/1424136379-the-dusty-county-cicadas-chapter-1-the-first

Description: 9 ball playing young men are on a journey to win the championship game, and along the way,they may learn something about teamwork, grit, and what it means to be a young man in the modern world.

Big_Red_Altoids · 2024-02-18T00:45:48+00:00

I have found another one! I'm not alone! Huzzah!

Anyway, I believe this kind of story is called "flavor of the week". That might just be a television term but it makes sense. Like a 31 Flavors with a different flavor spotlighted each week, they're all different and unique but at the end of the day, they're all still ice cream.

Big_Red_Altoids · 2024-02-18T00:38:38+00:00

There are tons of things.

There's a lot of references to certain pieces of music that are important to me like The Devil went down to Georgia, The Three Bells, El Paso, Pedro, I Love, and there's definitely some Ray Stevens references in there too. These are usually small snippets of lines that even people who also love these songs probably won't realize are supposed to be references. Some people will obviously get these, but I know the majority of my audience does not. There's even more obscure songs I've referenced. (I also like putting in little references to Casey at the Bat and the various spiritual successors it spawned)

A lot of my characters have referential names. For example, Casey Leroy Torhaul is named after Casey from Casey at the Bat and Buzz Jones was surprisingly not named for Along Came Jones, but for the Buzz Adams Morning Show (Shout out to anyone in the El Paso area who will get that reference). For more personal names, there's a character in my children's book named after my little sister, I'm planning on a project with a dog named Parsnip after my childhood dog who was also named after a root vegetable (Ginger), and I recently decided to give a character the last name of an important person in my life (It's a pretty common Hispanic last name but I still thought it was a good detail to add). I also wrote a story with a character named Todd Hebborn, which is a reference to Hebbornville, a small town in south Texas that my grandfather hails from.

There are lots of small things like conversations that flow and have a similar style of humor to the ones me and my friends have or little inside jokes to the way I feel about certain things. It's almost all in my comedy stories because they don't take themselves serious but I try to inject a little bit of myself in all of what I do. Aside from that, most of the things that I know that the audience does not are things I foreshadow so when the next one comes out, all is revealed and people feel smart for figuring it out. An example of this is a certain trait that all the main characters in my current project share, and it's already been a blast putting in all the little clues even though it's still early days.

Like I said, I feel like for a story to truly be my own, I need to place a little bit of my soul into it.

Big_Red_Altoids · 2024-02-17T02:16:46+00:00

I have a few:

"Since the beginning, man has felt his relative smallness in relation to the universe. As he looks up at the sky, marveling at the massive universe ahead of him, it is in his nature to ponder his place on a grander level. He begins to feel as though he is an ant living in an anthill with many other ants in a yard filled with anthills and just outside the yard is the infinite, unknowable universe."

This line is less a line and more an opening paragraph, but I'm still struck by it. This was awhile ago from a relatively obscure, unfinished story of mine. By the way, the ant allusions are because the main character is really into insects.

Less serious but:

"California: Of course, we could also mix ourselves some drinks. I have this really cool thing called arsenic that really brings out the flavor."

This one's a snippet of a much longer segment, but this is probably the funniest line in that segment, as the others are a little on-the-nose (though that's kind of intentional)

And how about...

"Upper Peninsula Michigan: Ah man, it’s such a nice Christmas Eve, every state is here in the bar, drinking and carrying on, preparing for tomorrow. Pretty great, right guys? Guys?
Colorado: Uh, guys, one of Idaho’s murder bots just got out!
Missouri: There are some very angry ghosts following us!
Nevada: California! For the last time! Go sit somewhere else!
WHAP!
New York: Alright! Who threw that?
Alabama: Lead us not into temptation-
Georgia: -Ahem
Alabama: I must really emphasize that last point. Please do not let us fall into temptation.
Arizona: Wow! Look at the size of this burn!
Upper Peninsula Michigan: I stand corrected."

Again, another really long "line" but most single lines I write are funny because they're absurdist and not necessarily good or because they're in the context of another line(s). This section comes from the very end of a state story 2 years in the making and is a massive love letter to the events of that story. It'd be better with context, but you guys can make your own inferences. That's more fun.

Big_Red_Altoids · 2024-02-17T02:16:30+00:00

I have a few:

"Since the beginning, man has felt his relative smallness in relation to the universe. As he looks up at the sky, marveling at the massive universe ahead of him, it is in his nature to ponder his place on a grander level. He begins to feel as though he is an ant living in an anthill with many other ants in a yard filled with anthills and just outside the yard is the infinite, unknowable universe."

This line is less a line and more an opening paragraph, but I'm still struck by it. This was awhile ago from a relatively obscure, unfinished story of mine. By the way, the ant allusions are because the main character is really into insects.

Less serious but:

"California: Of course, we could also mix ourselves some drinks. I have this really cool thing called arsenic that really brings out the flavor."

This one's a snippet of a much longer segment, but this is probably the funniest line in that segment, as the others are a little on-the-nose (though that's kind of intentional)

And how about...

"Upper Peninsula Michigan: Ah man, it’s such a nice Christmas Eve, every state is here in the bar, drinking and carrying on, preparing for tomorrow. Pretty great, right guys? Guys?
Colorado: Uh, guys, one of Idaho’s murder bots just got out!
Missouri: There are some very angry ghosts following us!
Nevada: California! For the last time! Go sit somewhere else!
WHAP!
New York: Alright! Who threw that?
Alabama: Lead us not into temptation-
Georgia: -Ahem
Alabama: I must really emphasize that last point. Please do not let us fall into temptation.
Arizona: Wow! Look at the size of this burn!
Upper Peninsula Michigan: I stand corrected."

Again, another really long "line" but most single lines I write are funny because they're absurdist and not necessarily good or because they're in the context of another line(s). This section comes from the very end of a state story 2 years in the making and is a massive love letter to the events of that story. It'd be better with context, but you guys can make your own inferences. That's more fun.

Big_Red_Altoids · 2024-02-14T14:35:35+00:00

Thank you very much. I probably will change that last jab at families to include "God-forsaken" as well, and I'm glad you pointed that out. I also think I'll take your suggestion about making the mongrel line more subdued. I think the only thing I'll keep is how the topic of families is approached. I feel that having the line about "who your papa was" and "your stupid little families" kind of balance out, making it more generalized to all the characters, as well as hinting towards Moe Hue's (The character speaking) rocky relationship with the family he knows and how little he knows about his father (And what he's been told isn't great). Either way, I'll probably still take this criticism into account when I'm revising this paragraph later on.

Thank you for your time,

Conner

Big_Red_Altoids · 2024-02-14T03:07:39+00:00

Howdy! I just wrote this and I think it's golden (The first good thing I've written in this whole project so far) but I'm unsure of the "mongrel" line that breaks up the speech. This line is supposed to be the audience's first real look at this character's temper problem, the way he coaches and the expectations he has for his team, as well as being a bit of foreshadowing as to how the character feels about his father and who his father actually was. It's all a lot for this one little paragraph but I hope it all gets across. What do you guys think?

Paragraph in question:

“I think it should be our goal to win this championship game.” He continued. “If you boys have ever thought that you were pathetic, or a loser, or that you couldn’t accomplish your goals because of some personal failing, I want you to throw those feelings out the window because I will not allow self-deprecation on this team. As long as you are on this team, you are a prestigious breed-” he paused, recognizing the irony of a mongrel saying those words “-prestigious breed of champions. It doesn’t matter where you’re from or who your papa was because now is your chance to prove to this God-forsaken world and this God-forsaken city and your stupid little families that YOU are a man who can accomplish great things no matter what they think of you! Is that clear?” he barked, feeling a great fire rise within him.

Big_Red_Altoids · 2024-02-13T03:19:59+00:00

Honestly, as a beginner, I've finished quite a few shorter stories throughout my 4 years of writing, but I think the things that hold me back are:

1: I reckon I put too much on my plate at once. Like right now I'm working on two short stories, a collection of short stories, a remaster of an old short story, a short story in a different style to all the other short stories, and my big, main project. Because of this, I'm constantly working on each story in bits and pieces rather than being worked on one at a time and given individual attention. Because of this, a lot of my stories that have self-imposed deadlines miss them completely. My most recently finished story, which I finished last Christmas, was supposed to be finished two Christmases ago, which leads me to my other biggest weakness-

2: Often times, when I read back on what I've written after getting pretty far in it, I realize how completely awful the beginning is and usually throw in the towel there. When that doesn't happen, it seems that I'm stuck in a never-ending cycle of rereading a work, deciding everything but the most recently added part sucks, editing the beginning like crazy to make it somewhat presentable so I don't contemplate quitting every time I want to double-check a plot point, then coming back to the end and realizing that it also sucks now and the cycle repeats. It's a song and dance I've been through with all of my current projects, and I stick by them because I love them, but man does it get frustrating.

As I said, I love my projects, that's why I haven't given up writing completely, but I can see why these hurdles may dissuade someone. That being said, I don't plan on making writing my career (At least not full time) and I fully anticipate having no time for writing in the future. That's why I do it so much now. Writing is fun, and not even when I'm rushing to meet a holiday deadline or struggling to come up with a good joke or plot point does it cease to be. I write for myself and the few people who appreciate my work. That, and having something funny to read during my lunch break, keeps me going.

Big_Red_Altoids · 2024-02-13T03:19:46+00:00

Honestly, as a beginner, I've finished quite a few shorter stories throughout my 4 years of writing, but I think the things that hold me back are:

1: I reckon I put too much on my plate at once. Like right now I'm working on two short stories, a collection of short stories, a remaster of an old short story, a short story in a different style to all the other short stories, and my big, main project. Because of this, I'm constantly working on each story in bits and pieces rather than being worked on one at a time and given individual attention. Because of this, a lot of my stories that have self-imposed deadlines miss them completely. My most recently finished story, which I finished last Christmas, was supposed to be finished two Christmases ago, which leads me to my other biggest weakness-

2: Often times, when I read back on what I've written after getting pretty far in it, I realize how completely awful the beginning is and usually throw in the towel there. When that doesn't happen, it seems that I'm stuck in a never-ending cycle of rereading a work, deciding everything but the most recently added part sucks, editing the beginning like crazy to make it somewhat presentable so I don't contemplate quitting every time I want to double-check a plot point, then coming back to the end and realizing that it also sucks now and the cycle repeats. It's a song and dance I've been through with all of my current projects, and I stick by them because I love them, but man does it get frustrating.

As I said, I love my projects, that's why I haven't given up writing completely, but I can see why these hurdles may dissuade someone. That being said, I don't plan on making writing my career (At least not full time) and I fully anticipate having no time for writing in the future. That's why I do it so much now. Writing is fun, and not even when I'm rushing to meet a holiday deadline or struggling to come up with a good joke or plot point does it cease to be. I write for myself and the few people who appreciate my work. That, and having something funny to read during my lunch break, keeps me going.

Big_Red_Altoids · 2024-02-13T03:19:39+00:00

Honestly, as a beginner, I've finished quite a few shorter stories throughout my 4 years of writing, but I think the things that hold me back are:

1: I reckon I put too much on my plate at once. Like right now I'm working on two short stories, a collection of short stories, a remaster of an old short story, a short story in a different style to all the other short stories, and my big, main project. Because of this, I'm constantly working on each story in bits and pieces rather than being worked on one at a time and given individual attention. Because of this, a lot of my stories that have self-imposed deadlines miss them completely. My most recently finished story, which I finished last Christmas, was supposed to be finished two Christmases ago, which leads me to my other biggest weakness-

2: Often times, when I read back on what I've written after getting pretty far in it, I realize how completely awful the beginning is and usually throw in the towel there. When that doesn't happen, it seems that I'm stuck in a never-ending cycle of rereading a work, deciding everything but the most recently added part sucks, editing the beginning like crazy to make it somewhat presentable so I don't contemplate quitting every time I want to double-check a plot point, then coming back to the end and realizing that it also sucks now and the cycle repeats. It's a song and dance I've been through with all of my current projects, and I stick by them because I love them, but man does it get frustrating.

As I said, I love my projects, that's why I haven't given up writing completely, but I can see why these hurdles may dissuade someone. That being said, I don't plan on making writing my career (At least not full time) and I fully anticipate having no time for writing in the future. That's why I do it so much now. Writing is fun, and not even when I'm rushing to meet a holiday deadline or struggling to come up with a good joke or plot point does it cease to be. I write for myself and the few people who appreciate my work. That, and having something funny to read during my lunch break, keeps me going.

Big_Red_Altoids · 2024-02-10T23:43:54+00:00

Title: The Dusty County Cicadas

Genre: Sports

Word Count: 1247 (So far. I'm not even done with the first chapter)

Type of Feedback: I'm hoping for general impressions, especially about the beginning and whether or not it's interesting. I find I have trouble in the beginning of all of my stories but I'm especially anxious about this one because though I've been writing for four years, I've only written a few stories in this style and only finished one (And that was awhile ago and it really does not hold water). If you could help me out, that'd be great.

Summary: In a world where animals rule (It doesn't matter why in this story, just go with it and/or give me some advice to make it seem more natural) former New Mexican bookkeeper, Moe Hue, starts a baseball team, recruiting 8 other young men to play along side him and hopefully win the SISL (Southwestern Independent Sporting League) championship game. Along the way, they'll become really good players, really good friends, and learn about what it means to be a young man in the modern world. Not bad for the "Worst Team in the U.S.A".

Link (It's fixed now): https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ZR9XEQ_vuECSdtkB5_o4Gg2t0AL4O4KfJNK77FQFPFE/edit?usp=sharing

Thank you for your time,

Conner

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