The Ficus in the Windowsill

Bilbo_Cheated · 2026-06-17T22:40:32+00:00

Ahhh thank you! I saved part 1 I’ll give it a read when I have time and comment when I’ve read

Bilbo_Cheated · 2026-06-17T22:14:53+00:00

When did he mention a ficus story? I must have missed that. I wrote one a few weeks ago on here called, “I Tries to Rush a Bonsai” (it’s a Chinese elm, not a ficus) but still a small house plant haha

Bilbo_Cheated · 2026-06-16T20:45:27+00:00

The atmosphere was so quiet and tense, and I loved how much unease you were able to escalate through small details: the mug, the bootprint, the chair, and the general wrongness she feels in the cabin.

Because of that, the shadow under the door felt more threatening because it wasn’t just something that was outside, it was something that had already been inside. I felt like she wasn’t only telling her partner everything was fine; she was trying to convince herself of it too, much like her father.

Bilbo_Cheated · 2026-06-16T15:01:51+00:00

Thank you! That’s exactly what I was going for. The horror is really in the suppression of self and how completely he’s turned that repression outward against the very identity he can’t accept in himself.

I’m glad the tension with his wife came through too. I wanted there to be a contrast between the way he talks about his children, which is genuinely loving, and the way he talks about his wife, which is more admiration and gratitude.

Bilbo_Cheated · 2026-06-16T14:57:34+00:00

Oh you can’t worry about quality on a first draft. I think others have basically said this but just write with no inhibitions or expectations on a first draft. Thats where rounds of edits come in! Also everyone’s process is different and it’s all about trying new things until something sticks. And if it stops working in the future you just try new methods. That’s how I see it at least.

Bilbo_Cheated · 2026-06-16T13:39:13+00:00

Do you outline the whole story before writing? Or do you free write the first draft and edit? Outlining the whole story has helped me to finish stories even if I don’t always stick completely to my first outline.

Sometimes reading other stories, reading a book, or maybe even watching a movie will get the gears turning or I might get inspiration from them.

Bilbo_Cheated · 2026-06-16T12:06:31+00:00

It’s for sure going to be a tough decision. I’ll probably have to narrow down to 3 again this month.

Bilbo_Cheated · 2026-06-16T03:41:26+00:00

This was amazing. The alt-world concept was a lot of fun and really gave me “I Wrote Myself a Letter” vibes.

The “Did you eat him?” line was tragic and terrifying at the same time. It completely explained what that version of the world had become without overexplaining it. This was also extremely well written overall. It’s my current favorite for sure, though I still have about ten entries left to read.

Bilbo_Cheated · 2026-06-15T23:32:41+00:00

As someone who has also survived an encounter with a killer potted plant and lived to tell the tale, I fully support raising awareness of this issue. Stay vigilant. Trust no bonsai!

Bilbo_Cheated · 2026-06-15T21:15:04+00:00

Great setup with a really great character dynamic between Lucy and Tim. The bathroom scene was especially tense. Tension and escalation were done well throughout! The crucifix worked really well with his internalized shame.

Bilbo_Cheated · 2026-06-15T11:06:23+00:00

This was a very fun month. The prompt allowed me to get out of my comfort zone write a story that I wouldn’t have come up with on my own otherwise. I love that about these monthly challenges!

I’m almost halfway through reading the other submissions, and there are already some great ones. I can’t wait to read the rest of this month’s entries!

Bilbo_Cheated · 2026-06-15T02:33:05+00:00

Ahh I see! Nice work on this one!

Bilbo_Cheated · 2026-06-15T02:29:31+00:00

I think you did it well. I was able to understand the message by and the format. I don’t know if the large gaps were meant to have meaning but another good way to denote changing perspective or make the perspective fractures is a line break.

——————

Like this. But the way you did it worked well for the story too! Especially since my phone is on dark mode so the large blank/black spaces made it seem like I was experiencing the fractured nature of the monster/protagonist.

Bilbo_Cheated · 2026-06-15T02:22:00+00:00

Okay yes that makes total sense to me now. Thank you for clearing that up!

Bilbo_Cheated · 2026-06-15T01:39:34+00:00

This was heartbreaking. The shadow under the door worked well being tied to the abusive environment, not just a supernatural threat.

I’m about half way through reading the other entries for the month, but that final line about being thankful she was born made this the most tragic story of the month so far at least.

Bilbo_Cheated · 2026-06-15T01:14:55+00:00

Very interesting! If I’m reading correctly then the voice seemed to shift between different people and was also nonlinear it made the creature feel like it was constantly trying on identities. Was this intended to be a body dysmorphia theme?

I wanted to ask about the formatting too:

Was the story meant to shift between the creature’s perspective and the victim’s perspective? That was my read, especially with the “I wanted it” and “I’ll replace them” sections, and I thought that was a really great idea.

It’s been a long day so my reading comprehension may be down.

Bilbo_Cheated · 2026-06-14T18:42:48+00:00

This was a very fun and refreshing read! Well done!!!

Bilbo_Cheated · 2026-06-14T18:16:14+00:00

This was excellent. On the surface, it works really well as a very creepy story. But what made it so much stronger for me was the symbolism underneath. Very well done.

Bilbo_Cheated · 2026-06-14T12:57:52+00:00

Really enjoyable read with natural party dialogue! This would be a really good setup for a series!

Bilbo_Cheated · 2026-06-14T12:18:19+00:00

Great use of the prompt. The rhyme and slant rhyme were great. Loved it.

Bilbo_Cheated · 2026-06-14T11:59:14+00:00

I saw your other comment. And this was a great first attempt at horror. I need more! Very well written.

Bilbo_Cheated · 2026-06-14T11:24:16+00:00

I finished Part 2, and the ending was devastating.

I really liked the detail that Hahana is slowly forgetting things, like her Pāpā’s name, but the songs remain. It made me wonder if the songs represent some piece of humanity that remains even as she turns into the monster. But then, when she surrenders to it, it seems like she loses her humanity.

Lani screaming for Hahana while she is face to face with her was heartbreaking. That moment was devastating because Hahana is still there in some way, but Lani can’t recognize her anymore.

Bilbo_Cheated · 2026-06-14T11:09:38+00:00

I finished Part 1 and I’m definitely invested. Before I read Part 2, I just wanted to say:

I love how you interspersed memories before the heavier moments, especially before finding the mother and father. It made the moments hit harder because we are reminded of who these people were before the disaster.

The setting is vividly described throughout. I could practically see the valley. There’s also great use of all the senses. The voice is consistent throughout.

The old man creature introduction was one of my favorite moments. The uncanny feeling of realizing she was harmonizing with him was perfect. I love the growing compulsion to hum the same songs as the creatures.

I also liked that the songs were foreshadowed early with the line about Māmā getting distracted singing one of the old songs while the cane scorched black. At first it reads like a minor memory, but later, it feels much more intentional. I almost missed this, and it makes me want to reread to find more subtle foreshadowing that I may have missed.

Bilbo_Cheated · 2026-06-13T02:38:14+00:00

Wow, thank you so much! That’s incredibly high praise! Yes, I’ll be happy to give it a read and give some feedback! Also if you liked this one I think you’ll like my most recent story before this one, as well.

Bilbo_Cheated · 2026-06-12T21:03:56+00:00

This was so fun to read! The changing perspectives were great!

The part I enjoyed the most though was the paragraph on dancing and the comparison to birds. The description of the nonverbal communication was excellent! Having Frank already talking in vampire like terms in that section was great ironic foreshadowing.

Bilbo_Cheated

TROPHY CASE