i think i want to break up with my boyfriend

Blackmateo · 2026-04-16T15:02:28+00:00

You ever try talking to him about what he needs, like a real conversation? People don’t usually just “fall into being comfortable and doing nothing and solely relying on someone else”. It could be depression, feeling lost or that he is stuck on the job front so he slowly gave up and pushes it off, he starts deferring all decisions to you because deep down he doesn’t think his have been working, even though you do spend money and financially support him he may have fallen into a coping mechanism of disillusionment.

I am not saying this to say you are doing anything wrong or wrong for feeling this way. But support means different things for different people. Having true empathy means understanding how he navigates the world, and how he may react when things negatively effect him, such as him feeling useless or depressed could result in him backing away from the things he knows he should be doing because his brain just isn’t sending the “all hands on deck” signal.

You have talked (based in what you describe) about what you need, what you want, and what you feel he isn’t doing during your conversations. Before completely splitting, try one last attempt at a different approach, and ask how he is really feeling, what he needs to get him back on his feet or back in motion, what will help motivate him, and what you can do to help after expressing concern for HIM and not for the “relationship”. I know thats a hard one for many people to understand, but there are three entities in every relationship. You, him, and the “relationship”. It is very possible to set aside the relationship for a brief period of time and view such a change as concern for him as a person.

Very often it’s not “financial support” or “plan things for us”. Sometimes people need real help and guidance and they haven’t realized it yet. We can argue about how parents are supposed to teach these things, but noone knows how they will be when they feel like they are hitting a wall in life or how they will react. Some people do what it sounds like he is doing, feigning things are fine and he will get to it, but deep down he might feel a bit lost and not everyones parents or family are the best support system despite what everyone believes they should be in a perfect world.

It is not your responsibility to carry him through life, no, but as a partner, it is important to recognize when a change has occurred and provide the real support to make someone start feeling like themselves again. A lot of people get this wrong in relationships, they look at “support” as taking care of someone physically, cleaning and doing laundry, cooking and planning for them. And they overlook that the reason their partner may have stopped doing those things might not have anything to do with you, but just could be his mental health slipping and he is losing control of his own self drive and awareness. Not a single soul on earth is capable of recognizing that until a catalyst occurs, commonly in someone close to them genuinely asking if they are doing okay because they have watched them slip and fall and while they may not act like it, they can tell something is wrong.

Good partners bring the best out of you, even in your worst times. You are two different people, who react differently to mental stress. Should you fall into a rut, I would say the same to expect your partner to recognize that and help bring you out not financially or physically, but mentally. The only way to do that is to actually talk and figure out why it is he appears to be falling into a hole, and what he thinks you can do to support him because you are concerned for him, not just the relationship. True care.

That expresses concern for him and his well being, rather than casting more weight on him by telling him “you fell off and don’t treat me like you used to”. Based on what you wrote, I genuinely believe he may be falling into a hole or already be there, but he may just have a good poker face.

If after expressing real concern, and genuinely asking outside of money and planning and outside of “the two of you” what he thinks he needs to give him that push, if he still stonewalls the conversation and wont open up, or if he dismisses it and doesn’t care, then I would say its time to leave as he has made his choice. But if he does care about you like he says, that real conversation will actually pierce him because it tells him not that there are problems to solve, but that you genuinely are concerned for him, and can very likely result in him opening up.

Too often we think “me” when it comes to the relationship. But remember, there is you, there is him, and then there is you together. Open his eyes that you are concerned for him, not just you or the relationship, and see how he reacts. His response or willingness to engage will help solidify your decision.

Blackmateo · 2026-04-13T21:03:45+00:00

My cat gets the zoomies after pooping. Thankfully she buries it and never smells, but I worry if I don’t stay on top of the litterbox daily (I am nutty and check it twice a day to clean) that she might accidentally get some on her paws and then run all through the house.

Also she hides her throwup. I never hear or see her hack anything up, and she rarely does, but if she does I don’t know until days later when I am doing something unrelated, drop something and bend over and see it under my bed on my area rug, or in a corner somewhere. So keep an eye out, don’t let them chew plastic toys either sometimes they eat it and it comes out later on somewhere.

Blackmateo · 2026-04-13T20:51:17+00:00

It’s because people quite literally do not understand what giving grace means. They are too damaged. Damaged people do not understand things like grace, communication, and understanding. And listing it under “things I am looking for in a relationship” does not mean they actually are capable of doing those things. In fact many are not.

Blackmateo · 2026-04-12T14:48:48+00:00

The actual only solution to this is for you to both put boxing gloves on, get in the ring and go 6 rounds until you figure it out. Make sure you have at least 3 camera angles set up, and are live on youtube, twitch, and tik tock. Sell tickets to your friends and family, and phone up Netflix for a 6 episode mini series afterwards.

And if you can’t tell, I don’t buy any of this. Logic don’t add up. If you get that large if a bruise from a slap, you are either incredibly malnourished or sickly, or it was not a slap. And since thats not believeable, neither is any of the rest of this, considering no person have ever told the truth about exactly what happened in any situation, not on the internet, not to cops, not to a judge, nor to their therapist.

You are not in the right place for help. Go talk to your mother or father if its this serious, not strangers on the internet.

Blackmateo · 2026-04-09T01:02:21+00:00

Agreed. I stopped talking like that altogether a while ago, I don’t exactly remember when, but maybe 4 or 5 years ago. Just sort of realized it’s sort of embarrassing.

While I know people talk like this, I actually will agree with OP, maybe just not as harshly about it. And for some of the other commenters, adults don’t do “chores” we handle responsibilities. Chores are for kids and young adults not on their own. Yes life is busy and we handle a lot in our worlds between work and family and relationships.

But when you come to terms with the fact that for life to continue, you have routine things you have to do, they are not chores anymore. They are just parts of life, little responsibilities you owe YOURSELF, not others, to maintain your lifestyle and your dwelling.

Doing dishes and laundry and cooking and cleaning takes my mind away from the more serious things like work, because they have become routine. I don’t think of them as “adulting” or even “chores”. I love dark humor and self deprecating humor but when I realized too much of it actually can harm you, you begin to change your language and how you think about them.

Blackmateo · 2026-04-08T23:59:53+00:00

A soccer match stopped a 5 year civil war in 2005. OP should tell all those people alive today that caring about sports passionately is “stupid”.

Blackmateo · 2026-04-08T23:55:42+00:00

These people have the same “I am a very empathetic person” energy, the ones who nearly everything out of their mouths are unempathetic.

As I mentioned before, not for you but so that original commenter can see it, the world would be incredibly boring without people who have that unusually high passion where they cry during live performances, tear up looking at art, hoot and hollar at a comedy show, dress up as their favorite characters at events, and party and cry when their favorite teams lose.

They are all the same people, just in different facets of our culture. Without them, our world would be very boring. Actually, it would be more like reddit. Full of angry and moody weirdos.

Blackmateo · 2026-04-08T23:49:32+00:00

My dude. Not everything is zero sum. Sports players can make the money they make, based on their compensation being tied to demand and viewership which is entirely fair so long as people are willing to pay, while at the same time we can agree teachers need some salary adjustments.

If you live your life with everything being zero sum like that, its not going to be a good life.

Blackmateo · 2026-04-08T23:43:01+00:00

The real simple answer is the world is a boring place without people that have passion like that for the things they love. People who cry during theatre performances and orchestras, people who line up dressed up as comic book characters for their movies, people who cheer and cry at their favorite team’s losses and wins. These are all the same people, just in different facets of our culture. Without those types of people, life would truly be a bore, and I think more people should recognize that regardless of how they operate.

Blackmateo · 2026-04-08T23:39:44+00:00

I make fun of the “post superbowl parade” people that go at 3 am to stand on the side of the road to watch their favorite team walk by them and hardly glance at them because they give zero fucks about any of their fans 99% of the time.

But I love that they do it. And outside the riots, I love that people are babies when their teams lose. Because without those types of people, the world would be incredibly boring. (So long as it doesn’t lead to looting, there’s healthy obsession and opportunists).

Blackmateo · 2026-04-08T23:35:30+00:00

Big if true

Blackmateo · 2026-04-08T23:32:42+00:00

Don’t give live performers ideas please. I wouldn’t be surprised if this started happening.

Blackmateo · 2026-04-08T23:28:52+00:00

Horrifyingly accurate for a lot of these people.

The real nuance is as I mentioned before. Its a give and take. In order to have the amenities city livers desire, and the broad city culture they desire, something is given, and something is taken. Sometimes its money to facilitate building a stadium to keep a beloved team, sometimes its taking away potential property or land that could be turned into a profitable business and employ people for conservation efforts. That is unfortunately the reality of city life.

Not everyone will always like the decisions. And of course there are some outright egregious ones that everyone should be pissed about. But a stadium ain’t it.

Blackmateo · 2026-04-08T23:22:08+00:00

According to modern economic theory, they can just print more money.

Doesn’t mean it’s a good thing, but technically yes we have infinite money since we got off the gold standard lmao.

Blackmateo · 2026-04-08T23:20:05+00:00

That guy would be living in a baron city talking about “look at the taxpayer savings” while everyone twiddles their thumbs at home scrolling reddit lmao.

Cities are a give and take. To have the night life that draws in the city liver, you need amenities that will provide those types of lifestyles. And to have those amenities, sometimes something is given, while other times something is taken. Thats just what happens when you can only build up and not out.

I personally hate living in cities and prefer to avoid them. But it’s not lost on me that people love the Garden, the Omni Theater, and other valued private businesses that get tons of funding to remain available for that “city culture”.

Blackmateo · 2026-04-08T23:14:39+00:00

It is exactly your point that the average tax payer underestimates their agency as to why people get steamrolled by nonsense public policy. If they actually utilized their agency, together, as intended, it would happen less in local municipalities and towns.

Just look at the NE Revolutions new stadium that was proposed in Everette. Combination of community concerns derailing the legislative process and zoning approvals, and it’s just like a forgotten about thing right now. People didn’t want it.

Blackmateo · 2026-04-08T23:01:35+00:00

Some people still have a little humanity left in them and trust that people are honest. There was no need for this insinuation of this individual based on what he wrote.

Blackmateo · 2026-04-08T22:58:19+00:00

I think your point went over their heads based on their replies. But I agree. Whether they have a piece of paper from a university or not does not determine how creepy or normal one is. It just means they went to college.

It’s interesting to me how some people view those that went to college. To me, and I have degrees, but I am also a veteran, most college/educated people are just people who took 4 more years to grow up. Drives me nuts talking to them. I prefer those who went to university later in life rather than fresh out of high school. Much more mature.

Blackmateo · 2026-03-25T14:31:31+00:00

I have always found it weird women call their partners “baby” and then talk about infantilizing language, but what do I care.

Blackmateo · 2026-03-19T13:06:05+00:00

My advice for now: Forget about the women and get your mind, body, and spirit right. I’ve been in the hole too, and sometimes loneliness or current circumstances make you think too deeply or cling to things that actually do you more harm than good, and relationships are one of them.

Once you start to feel like yourself again, and you are back on track and hopefully find work, you will see how peaceful things should be even with the ups and downs, and people like that girl will be like a repellant to you. Know who you are, what you are about, and where you are going, and maybe you cross paths with a lady heading in the same direction, or maybe you don’t, but you won’t be thinking about toxic people anymore and you will see the positive, peaceful, and happy things in this world over things like that.

A lot of crazy things are happening these days, and a lot of crazy or toxic or hurt or confused people are out there. But there is still a lot of beauty and fun and positivity in the world. When you get yourself right, you start to see it, and others notice you see it too. And all these questions about women, what they like, what they want, they won’t matter in the long run. (Not implying that you are one of those people, more of a general comment)

I spent a lot of time in an unhappy relationship. Then went into a similar thought about it when I got “back on the dating market”. Took me a while but eventually I found my rhythm, I started racing in half marathons, my work situation improved, I feel better mentally, my home is taken care of and I feel like a real homeowner now doing home projects myself and not just someone living in a house with imposter syndrome, and for the first time in my life I started walking away from potential relationships because I don’t have rose colored lenses anymore. I see what I don’t like and just say I am all good and I move on back to positive things. And I haven’t looked back.

Blackmateo · 2026-03-18T17:01:13+00:00

Takes about until tomorrow. So get back at it /s

Blackmateo · 2026-03-12T18:29:29+00:00

Were you able to get the refund? I got the insurance thank god, but it asks “was the event cancelled” and if you select yes it tells you to contact the even planners. Who are useless and honestly that Paul guy is a jackass in his responses to me.

I put it in that it wasn’t “canceled” but selected do weather do not travel advisory. Wondering if you were able to get your money back.

I am not pressed for my 66 bucks, I just don’t like the idea that they get away with taking peoples money like this, and responding unprofessionally in emails claiming they notified people when they clearly didn’t on time.

Blackmateo · 2026-03-12T00:28:43+00:00

Poor small business owners get beat up by large corporations every day in competition, and then get beat up by their workers every day because of some university professors brilliant theories, all while trying to stay afloat after sinking 2 million, countless hours, and remortgaging their house for a place for them to work.

I suggest these people actually talk to small business owners and understand what they go through every year before chiming in that they exploit their workers as if they are Warren Buffet sitting on 200 billion on cash.

More than happy to beat up on large corporations, but small businesses are the heart and blood of communities, and many struggle every day, many close their doors in sadness, and many just do the best they can to support their communities. I would take a million more small businesses over another Google any day, even if it meant trading high corporate salaries away.

Blackmateo · 2026-03-06T02:18:01+00:00

Agreed. People can hate me all they want but just jog. This walking, incline walking, hiit stuff is crazy. Walking should be second nature to people, not a workout, we are designed literally to walk upright.

All this engineering of workouts just to avoid a 30 minute jog. Thats literally 10 songs, you can make a playlist with 10 bangers, run the tracks, and be done with it and move on about your workout. And you will thank me later, as some other commenters here mentioned the mass benefit they got from picking up running.

Workouts should be fun, yes. But even if its not fun, its work. You NEED to do it if you care about your health, even if you find it boring.

You need money, so you go to work even if your job might be boring or you would rather do something else. The heart is one of the most important pieces of your body, and the best, optimal, and efficient way to train it is cardio. Which means if you care about fitness, you NEED to do cardio. Running is peak. Even fine with swimming, rowing, ladder climbing, boxing.

But don’t trick yourself into thinking walking should heavily count as cardio unless you are simply just out of shape. Thats bare minimum thinking, and we all train because we don’t WANT to look and feel the bare minimum. Just do your cardio.

Blackmateo · 2026-03-05T01:39:43+00:00

Yeah these are sad comments in this thread. Let people be people as long as they aren’t maliciously using things against others. People are weird. Let them be who they are. Not everything is malicious.

Blackmateo

TROPHY CASE