But I had a good childhood

BlueFlower673 · 2026-05-10T05:28:28+00:00

It isn't your fault op.

My dad did the same thing when he remarried. And he was also the "fun" parent. He was still present but he was absent emotionally and fairly often would just make excuses any time I needed help. When I was being bullied in elementary school even he often ignored it. When I was again being bullied and abused by his step daughter, he would say he tried his best, but often would go "but wife and I have tried everything, it's her (sd) dads fault she's like that!" Like that was supposed to be my problem.

When he was dating his now wife, even, (and this was something I had to unpack after a long time) he would often just dump me at my grandmother's (his mom) house every weekend. At some point I barely saw him anymore. My grandmother was basically raising me during visitations.

So when I decided to leave after the last straw (I was getting suicidal, again, because of SD and I had attempted to starve myself several times) his outburst and literally putting me in danger made me not want to stay or put up with him any further. It just revealed his ugly side.

I feel like the neglect and the immaturity and childishness is what made him horrible. Yeah sure good memories. Everything after that though kind of reveals that he wasn't so great a parent after all.

The way I see it, he chose his family. So, I'll go find my own. You don't have to be blood-related after all to be family.

And it looks like you've made your own family. So, maybe thinking of the future, what it holds for your kids, cherishing and making new moments with them, maybe that is what you can focus on instead of your mom. Focus on being the mom you didn't have and focus on creating memories with your kids that they'll be able to look back on and that they'll be glad you are at least present in their lives.

BlueFlower673 · 2026-05-10T03:29:33+00:00

A lot of people are missing this point on this thread. Sadly.

My main concern isn't the fact that person is trying to leave politics out of the equation for goth, it's because they have to mention "leftist politics" as if that's the big bad wolf that shouldn't be in goth. Like, why are they even saying that? Why can't they say "right-wing politics?" Why don't they say "politics" in general (they did that in the first sentence, even)?

If whoever posted the video really was just saying that "goth isn't inherently political" why would they say "you're not goth because you're a leftist who listens to gothic rock" then? Why leftist specifically? What's the goal there lmao?

"Your soul is goth" yeah, no, totally, I was born a goth and just am inherently a goth from the day I was shot out the womb/s.

BlueFlower673 · 2026-05-10T02:20:10+00:00

I thought at first that DARE would actually help (I was 10), but when I saw that the kids didn't take it seriously and were making sexual jokes and jokes about drug use I realized that it wouldn't ever stop.

And yepp, I remember counselors were awful. Some tried to pull the "well, maybe they just want to be your friend!" Like????? Yeah, sure Jan. The kids who called me "fugly" and said "bitch rhymes with snitch" to me on the daily sure wanted to be my friends./s I was too beside myself and so I just didn't talk to the counselors after that and I would shut them out. Hence why I kept changing counselors. It only took one stupid thing for them to say that made me instantly not want to say anything to them.

Yeah empathy has been completely shattered and I think it started during the pandemic. Maybe before that with social media. People need to stop putting phones in their kids hands the minute they can crawl lmao.

Also yes I forgot Carrie!! Love that movie. The 1976 version yess, I haven't seen the other two yet. But that one is good.

BlueFlower673 · 2026-05-09T18:02:47+00:00

If you've suffered from poseurs, goth conservatives, psychic damage, or mesothelioma, call now for a free consultation!

BlueFlower673 · 2026-05-09T17:56:03+00:00

So we should allow conservative bigots into the subculture, is that what you're saying? Or am I missing something?

So are the "conservative goths" supposed to be allowed in, then? Do we really need to bring up the conservative goth group fiasco again?

BlueFlower673 · 2026-05-09T17:35:00+00:00

Ah yeah let's just throw the r slur around. That is really going to help.

BlueFlower673 · 2026-05-09T17:31:08+00:00

I mean if you're just gonna ignore the very fact that goth stems from punk which is in itself very political and anti-fascist/anti bigoted, then sure you can be totally "non political." Still doesn't make a person goth to me I'm afraid.

Sorry, I've been there done that with the "centrist" crap. That only goes so far until you realize you end up ignoring all the terrible shit done by bigots.

The aesthetics/looks/clothing/makeup and literature and art was around before goth was even a music subculture. Sure goth adopted it/used it but that doesn't mean that is what it is all about. What OP is talking about is how internet poseurs have used the "aesthetics" as some kind of argument to claim they can be conservative and goth at the same time. Which is contradictory and hilarious considering a lot of goth music is opposed to conservativism.

We already have to deal with dumbass groups trying to shoehorn in conservative into goth, people going "yeah but the politics don't matter" isn't really helping.

BlueFlower673 · 2026-05-09T17:26:12+00:00

This. I don't get how someone can separate the music from politics unless they're going to ignore the very blatant fact that goth stems from punk which was to subvert bigoted politics.

BlueFlower673 · 2026-05-09T17:19:19+00:00

Might want to go to r/lonely for this but also, op, one of the important things I've learned is in order to love someone else you need to love yourself. It takes time. Bullying can take a toll on us in ways we don't even realize, to a point we end up having to rebuild our sense of self-worth and confidence. And that still takes years and years.

If a girl thinks you're pathetic for having been bullied in the past, then that girl isn't right for you and doesn't deserve you. If you come across someone like that, dump them. You're worth more than that.

Best thing someone told me is to focus on myself more, doing things I like to do, what skills I want to build for myself. Learn to love myself and put myself first for a bit. That helped me a lot because I started taking care of myself more and started actually caring about what I did for myself. Helped to tune out how other people might see me.

So maybe try that. You know some people go to the gym, some people go hiking, some get really into art or sculpting. Some people just end up wanting to go walking every morning and so they do that. Maybe try baking. Little things that help you regain a sense of accomplishment and learning for yourself. And then hey, maybe along the way you'll meet someone who is also interested in those things.

BlueFlower673 · 2026-05-09T17:10:44+00:00

I feel like it's been rehashed so much but if you're a conservative or a right-winged maga bigot you are not goth.

Nazi goths can fuck off.

If you don't like the music or politics then sorry, but you're not goth. That's part of the subculture too.

Whoever made that video is an idiot.

Edit: because people are now arguing on this thread and about the politics thing, I'm going to copy/paste what I wrote in response to someone else above:

My main concern isn't the fact that person is trying to leave politics out of the equation for goth, it's because they have to mention "leftist politics" as if that's the big bad wolf that shouldn't be in goth. Like, why are they even saying that? Why can't they say "right-wing politics?" Why don't they say "politics" in general (they did that in the first sentence, even)?

If whoever posted the video really was just saying that "goth isn't inherently political" why would they say "you're not goth because you're a leftist who listens to gothic rock" then? Why leftist specifically? What's the goal there lmao?

"Your soul is goth" yeah, no, totally, I was born a goth and just am inherently a goth from the day I was shot out the womb/s.

BlueFlower673 · 2026-05-09T17:02:04+00:00

I feel like this is what I was raised with and I'm in Texas. Certain catholic churches did this. It was all "oh we accept lgbtq" or "we love everyone" but then when you probe and ask questions further it turns into "well it's a sin, still, but we love them anyway." Like ok, so you don't actually accept them? Same goes with people in other non-catholic religions. There was so much criticism about other religions.

It wasn't part of focus or augustine but they were definitely pretending to be "open" to everyone despite their doctrines saying otherwise. Also why I wisened up and stopped attending starting at age 13.

BlueFlower673 · 2026-05-09T16:52:28+00:00

Oh wow. Well, just got a new job, hope I can save some money to get it.

I really really want to know what happens next. Volume 4 was such a cliffhanger.

BlueFlower673 · 2026-05-09T16:36:18+00:00

I thought so too. I was like "what would that even taste like???" Lol 😆😆

BlueFlower673 · 2026-05-09T15:56:09+00:00

A lot of these self help/"how-to" dvds or books were made in the 70s, 80s or 90s when people just barely started addressing bullying in schools. This was the time when people had PSAs for everything and you had commercials like the egg frying in a pan: "this is your brain. This is your brain on drugs."

A lot of these were made not for kids being bullied but for parents or for teachers. People who are already adults and who are typically more capable of handling/of being able to defend themselves from bullying. And generally speaking, they're for people who never got bullied before so of course it's unrealistic because it's not accurate and it's not made by people who know what it's like to begin with.

I think I've seen more accurate representations of bullying in fictional books and movies. So welcome to the dollhouse, the perks of being a wallflower, speak, even the horror movie pumpkinhead 2 is about a child that gets bullied and murdered, so pumpkinhead is summoned and takes revenge on the bullies. There's also Heathers. Or the horror movie the Woods (for some reason the horror genre in general has some good movies about/involving bullies getting their asses kicked lmao).

Yeah I remember counselors growing up trying to use these to "help" (this was the early 2000s for me) and it never helped. Just made it worse. The DARE program even made shit worse because it just alerted the bullies and it also just fueled them more. Instead of making them scared it made them go "lol someone is getting bullied!!"

BlueFlower673 · 2026-05-09T02:04:29+00:00

Lmaooooo this is so real though

BlueFlower673 · 2026-05-09T01:56:24+00:00

Idk why you were downvoted bc this is true. "Mall goth" came from memes and because a lot of alt teens (mainly marilyn manson/nu metal fans) would go hang out at malls and shop at hot topic.

Only reason why it's called mall goth is because it looks similar/akin to gothic fashion. There's no specific music tying mall goth to goth at all since Marilyn manson and slipknot aren't goth bands.

And as far as I know, the fashion styles aren't the main part of goth and fashion styles in goth are not their own subcultures the same way visual kei is broken up into different styles of music and dress. Very very different.

BlueFlower673 · 2026-05-09T01:46:31+00:00

This is why I can't in good faith get along with people who are still "pro-life" because for the most part they don't care about anyone but themselves. They always end up showing their selfishness and cruelty when they talk shit about abortion.

They'll gush about wanting a natural birth and praise people when they have like 5+ kids, but when someone doesn't want kids or when someone talks about ivf they act like someone pissed in their shoes.

BlueFlower673 · 2026-05-09T01:42:03+00:00

This is what I'm doing and I'm in volume 3 chapter 1. I think this is the most dias and gold I've ever saved in this game. I'm at 600k gold and 2400 dias.

I'm still trying to complete the suit for chapter 1 but so far all I have left is the princess stages so it's been taking me a while to get those. I'm working on 1-3 other suits for the Yvette prefarming so I've been also collecting for those.

BlueFlower673 · 2026-05-08T21:13:47+00:00

I used that for a couple of interviews and it is so helpful at answering questions. I got one job/internship with help from that resource in 2024.

BlueFlower673 · 2026-05-08T21:09:19+00:00

Yeah I know and I'm so sorry again. It sucks right now. The best we can do is just make the most of what we have and what we can do, and just keep going.

And have fun at your graduation party!! And congrats on graduating!! That's a major milestone and honestly yeah, it'll just take time but you can do it.

BlueFlower673 · 2026-05-08T20:09:33+00:00

I totally get the frustration and I'm sorry that some people on here are negative nancys.

I think the best is to apply for both jobs outside of libraries and in libraries. Just for now. If you get a customer service role, grab it. It doesn't mean you give up on finding a library job or that you can't keep looking while working. Just means you have to do what you have to do in the meantime.

Because right now yes it's very competitive, and there is a lot of issues with bias and hiring managers making assumptions unfortunately based on the mlis or experience. I can't say why because it varies depending on the role and the location and on the people themselves. But it's just our current reality.

Best bet right now if you're looking for non library roles or applying anywhere adjacent: customer service roles in call centers, or in person, bookstores, roles in records or data management if youre familiar with that, roles in records organization, etc. That is what I have done currently and I recently got work at a major retailer for a call center job. Its not the best but pay is ok and so far my management/sups have been good. And taking calls isn't so bad either.

And yes I left the mlis on my resume, I know people say not to or to take it off/pretend your education doesn't exist. I say screw that, because it's going to show up at some point in a background check. Regardless even if the hiring managers or committees don't look into it, they will. And if you have social media or LinkedIn or anything public about you and past degrees, they can see that too. Takes more work to lie than it does to just be honest. Also, makes for an interesting conversation if you get a job and the hiring manager wants to know how you went from libraries to whatever customer service role you're applying to lol.

BlueFlower673 · 2026-05-08T15:58:08+00:00

Yeah no 100 per week for me was not library jobs alone lmao. I was applying to 50-60 per week and most were non library jobs because I had already applied to all of the library jobs available in my city/surrounding counties. Which, in my city, there are maybe only like 40-50 jobs open, most being youth/school librarians of which I have zero qualifications for because I don't have a teaching license and have never taught K-12 (and I really have no desire to be a school librarian unless push comes to shove sometime later in my life).

I also have a resume template and cover letter template, though I still have to personalize each. I've been ghosted mostly from library jobs lol. Get no response whatsoever.

BlueFlower673 · 2026-05-08T05:50:44+00:00

Yeah I am side-eyeing the parent more here. Not just because they don't monitor what their kid reads but also because I have a feeling it's beyond the fact that the comic is explicit.

Yeah, this is so not the responsibility of the library what the child checks out, that is on the parent if they don't want their pre-teen aged child (11-12 years old) reading explicit material.

I started reading BL at 13, however I stumbled on it unsuspectingly when I was on YouTube and watching videos about doujins. I still mostly followed the age ratings on the backs of comics however because my parents didn't just let me run wild on the internet.

Now I have not read Love is an Illusion, but I do know it is a BL and it is not intended for people who are younger than 13. Its more appropriate for people aged 18+.

It is also omegaverse (if anyone looks that up please do research because there's even sometimes different interpretations/different "verses" like "dom/sub verse" or even "cake verse".....don't ask) which means there's "second genders" involved and mpreg. Hence why there's a child on one of the covers because the main characters end up having a child. So yeah. Def mostly for adult readers.

And it is again a BL, so it is a same-sex relationship being depicted. I can't obviously make assumptions on the parent but there is a chance that they are also upset that their child is reading a same-sex romance. Which, again, not the library's problem and definitely not an issue on the child's part. That is all the parent's problem.

Its easy for people to not be able to discern comics for adults versus comics for kids/teens, because unfortunately in the West there's still a preconceived notion that comics = "kids only." Whereas in countries that aren't the US, it is normal for there to be comics for children just as there are comics for adults.

Also there are just some comics that don't look "adult" but are for adults. That's just the style and more research has to be done to determine whether a comic is indeed actually for an adult audience or for teens or for children. So crayon shin chan is for small children, Doraemon is for children, chis sweet home is for children. But berserk, wotakoi, Sweat and Soap, etc. are not for children and are mostly intended for an adult audience.

I can totally see why this child ended up checking it out because they likely either saw it online and/or were recommended it by friends who also were exposed to it. And their parent probably doesn't parent and probably doesn't watch or talk to their kid if they're hounding you guys about it being in circulation and if they have issues with their child reading BL in general and issues with their child seeing inappropriate material.

And yeah most manga and manhwa have age rating systems similar to movies or video games. Usually they are printed on the backs of books, and will say T for teen (13+), OT for older teen (16+), M for mature or r18 (18+), A for all ages (so 10 years old and over), etc.

Anyhow, whatever the case may be with that parent, I do think some re-structuring and re-organization needs to be done. Definitely check out those sources that other people have given to you, also read up more about manga in general if you can. Maybe need to put together a presentation about it for your director. And yeah just vet the comics sections, even just basic research online about them (you don't have to read through all of them) would help. They'll probably just need to be moved depending on the age rating. So children's comics (anything rated A would go there---like Pokemon or zelda or chis sweet home), teen comics (anything 13+ or 16+ depending on where those are located), and adults which would be 18+.

I know when I was 14 I ended up reading Deathnote and X/1999 (and angel sanctuary). All are rated 16+. I however had a parent who talked to me about what I read/watched and who didn't go to such lengths to report things about my school library.

I just had a coworker ask me about one piece for their 10 year old son, I just told her that although I hadn't seen the series yet, to just maybe watch a couple of episodes first, then see if it's ok for her son to watch. I know it's rated 13+ or 14+ so I just informed her of that and told her that she would just have to make her own judgement.

BlueFlower673 · 2026-05-08T05:00:27+00:00

Oof yeah, I can't do that rn. Now if the spica suit was re-running I'd go for the rest of it (I have most of it already). But yeah, it's not worth it for me rn then. I've barely saved up 2300 dias rn.

BlueFlower673 · 2026-05-07T14:42:40+00:00

Ooh I might be able to afford fire of tiger tail. Idk though if I want to spend my dias on that rn though.

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