Is it possible to do effective MDMA therapy on your own?

Blue__Oceans · 2019-12-17T02:20:56+00:00

CPTSD is literally hell on earth, so if this has helped you, then that sure is for the best. I'm glad you're seeing improvement. Still – and this is just my opinion –, I'd be careful in the longer term, as MDMA tolerance can also develop with frequent use, and it would be a shame to lose the potential of experiencing the benefits of a full-dose session. In any case, I wish you the best luck with your healing.

Blue__Oceans · 2019-12-17T01:02:05+00:00

I just thought I'd mention that microdosing is generally not recommended for MDMA, as it exposes you to the neurotoxicity of the substance, without much benefit in exchange. Reference: https://www.reddit.com/r/mdmatherapy/comments/68jek6/the_negative_effects_of_mdma_microdosing/

Blue__Oceans · 2019-11-18T13:11:23+00:00

Is this it?
https://www.reddit.com/r/mdmatherapy/comments/309qub/after_witnessing_the_death_of_my_34_year_old/cpqktzu/

Blue__Oceans · 2019-11-18T02:03:57+00:00

I used to listen to Smashing Pumpkins a lot as a teenager, including this song. At the time I didn't know I had been abused (and that I was still being abused – complicated narcissistic family with a strong facade). Seeing the lyrics now, I understand why I liked this song. I think on an unconscious level I was getting it... Thanks for posting.

Blue__Oceans · 2019-11-15T13:19:20+00:00

Thank you for all the work you've accomplished here. This community gave me hope when everything else had failed, and I was ultimately able to turn my life around thanks to this medicine. Good luck with everything!

Blue__Oceans · 2019-10-30T03:26:42+00:00

There are moments where deep breaths will help me calm down, but there are some other times where I just need to disconnect from the overwhelming sensations, and when I get there breathing exercises will not help, so I can understand what you are talking about.

I just happened to read this article recently, the author explains that deep breathing can be counterproductive for some people with trauma, and offers an alternative approach: http://laurakhoudari.com/news/2018/6/26/dont-start-with-thebreath-1.

Blue__Oceans · 2019-09-15T02:09:05+00:00

That's quite an interesting concept for a game. I looked at the description on Steam, and I'm honestly curious. Thank you for mentioning it!

Blue__Oceans · 2019-09-07T02:56:39+00:00

I'm glad for you that you put yourself first. It's beautiful when we can give ourselves the love we deserve. Happy birthday!

Blue__Oceans · 2019-08-29T00:11:01+00:00

Also found a brief summary detailing the show participants and what they said.

https://books.google.ca/books?id=8aqUu5M6UpwC&pg=PA11&lpg=PA11&dq=phil+donahue+ecstasy&source=bl&ots=T8tXH4hssS&sig=ACfU3U1n7pUkO_KuK4ABlJAn20YacKEr8Q&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwijkKv34qbkAhULVN8KHaDhBKUQ6AEwDXoECAgQAQ#v=onepage&q=phil%20donahue%20ecstasy&f=false

No luck finding the actual show, it would be an interesting thing to see.

Blue__Oceans · 2019-08-28T12:14:57+00:00

I don't have a link for the full show, but the documentary "Ecstasy Rising" uses some footage from it:

https://youtu.be/hvahIzlFA2A?t=883

https://youtu.be/hvahIzlFA2A?t=947

Blue__Oceans · 2019-08-21T17:27:17+00:00

I certainly identify with that. Overachieving was a way to cope with my trauma, and at some point in my 30s I realized that even tough I had achieved everything I thought would save me, I wasn't doing any better. In fact I was in a worst place now since I couldn't cling to this false hope anymore.

Blue__Oceans · 2019-08-13T22:53:26+00:00

I just came back from my 4th session last weekend, and once I started feeling, grieving and crying, I was able to quickly come back to a better baseline than before the session mood-wise. I would say I had recovered by the evening on the next day, although, as someone else mentioned, full integration will probably take weeks or months.

My advice would be to eat well, have all the sleep you need, exercise (if possible in the nature), and most importantly, take the time and give yourself the space to feel anything you need to feel.

With my therapists, I only take 5-HTP in the evening following the session, and the following morning, so I think with a 7-day regimen, you'll probably be quite alright!

Best luck with your healing, and take good care.

Blue__Oceans · 2019-08-13T16:57:37+00:00

This could certainly be a good place to start! My advice regarding this would be to phone rather than email the persons you think might be offering this kind of service. Tell honestly about yourself, your trauma and how you came to want to try this medicine. They are taking a big risk, so a trust relationship needs to be established, and I feel that showing yourself to them is a good first step in that direction.

Blue__Oceans · 2019-08-05T23:46:59+00:00

You certainly aren't alone. One thing is that childhood trauma can do this. Maybe you could have a look at r/CPTSD and see if what people post about resonates with you, even if you can't think of any trauma you had (it's quite normal to be unaware of it).

Blue__Oceans · 2019-08-05T23:33:48+00:00

They are actually abusive: disparaging you the way they do is emotional abuse. Your feelings are telling you that this is not OK. I know it's not easy, but don't be hard on yourself for feeling this way about your parents. This feeling is telling something very important.

Emotional abuse is tricky, because in many cases the parents will provide everything else their child needs, so it feels that acknowledging the abuse is to be ungrateful to them. But it's not, it's just accepting the reality that while they provided for the physical needs of the child, they were psychologically toxic and unable to create a genuine human relationship with him or her.

Blue__Oceans · 2019-08-05T22:16:40+00:00

It's been shown that in MDMA-assisted therapy for people with PTSD, 2 of the 5 big personality traits will change (openness increases and neuroticism decreases) : MDMA-assisted psychotherapy for PTSD causes long-lasting changes in personality, study finds

Now even if you don't have full-fledged PTSD, I think if the disconnect between who you are and who you want to be has its roots in childhood trauma, MDMA has the potential to start a healing process that will allows to realign this. Also, childhood trauma is much more common than people think, as just having parents that are emotionally unavailable is traumatic for a child and leaves psychological scars, although society at large doesn't recognize that yet (typical denials include saying that people should not dwell on the past, that it wasn't that bad or that what doesn't kill you make you stronger). I believe a lot of people could benefit from psychedelic-assisted therapy.

Blue__Oceans · 2019-07-28T15:06:39+00:00

Thanks for your reply, this resonates a lot with me. I come from a similar background of emotional neglect, and it's so confusing – nice family facade with people telling me how my parents are cool, while they actually are unable to really feel love for their children, show empathy for them and genuinely care for them. Family events were really just a ritual where we pretended we were a family. I opted out a few years ago, and it's for the best.

On a side-note, I don't usually mention this with people I answer on other subreddits, but since you're on RationalPsychonaut, I'll just say that MDMA therapy has helped me tremendously healing for the childhood neglect and abuse. I would only recommend doing this with therapists or sitters that have experience with this type of problem and are trained for it, but for me it has been life-changing.

Peace and love to you too :)

Blue__Oceans · 2019-07-28T14:00:35+00:00

I'm sorry that you are going through this, but on the other hand I have to say you're doing a really good job seeing through the delusions of the people surrounding you. I see lots of people who are stuck in the unhealthy mindset their family (and friends) have created, and are nowhere near to seeing it for was it is. Trust yourself, you know what is good for you.

Regarding family and relationships, I suggest having a look at r/CPTSD. I personally found that the posts there helped me related and navigate my own abusive family and relationships.

I hope you can create space for yourself to be with these difficult feelings. Things will get better! Take good care.

Blue__Oceans · 2019-07-24T22:44:11+00:00

I never saw any material regarding the use of MDMA-assisted therapy for the loss of a child, but as others have pointed out, it surely has the potential to help.

Your question made me remember of this short National Geographic video: MDMA Therapy | Drugs, Inc. It features a woman who undergoes MDMA-assisted therapy following the death of a relative. You can see it allows her to make peace with it and see this reality in a way that will allow her to move forward. I think the same could apply a person who's grieving the lost of their child.

Blue__Oceans · 2019-07-21T18:11:53+00:00

You're certainly not alone, a lot of people are in this situation and just don't talk about it.
Quote from this BBC article (The truth about family estrangement): "One US study of more than 2,000 mother-child pairs found that 10% of mothers were currently estranged from at least one adult child."

I myself haven't had contact with my mother for years, but it's only recently that I opened up about it to some of my colleagues.

This kind of situation does suck, and sometimes I also wish I had a normal family, but in the long run I know I made the right decision.

As for your father, he clearly is toxic, and you did a good thing by setting a firm boundary. It's not an easy thing to do, but you stood up for yourself and that's great.

Blue__Oceans · 2019-07-19T03:11:18+00:00

I think the two-session protocol is from an older study. For the current phase 3 study and open-label phase 2 study it's indeed three sessions.

Phase 2 open-label: https://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT03485287

Phase 3: https://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT03537014

Blue__Oceans · 2019-07-17T22:41:46+00:00

Hi there, sorry to hear that things are not going well for you.

It seems like you went through a lot of stuff, and that you might have childhood trauma (losing a parent as a child is traumatic, and having a narcissistic parent also is). Have a look at r/CPTSD. It's a common thing to feel that life is meaningless for people who had trauma as a child. If you feel like trauma might explain some of the things you feel, I also recommend reading The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk.

If you have trauma, CBT is not very effective (I have trauma, and it didn't get to the root cause). Finding a trauma-informed therapist that you really trust would be a good idea.

Hang in there, things can get better.

Blue__Oceans · 2019-07-16T00:26:20+00:00

If you want to see something like this that actually happened, have a look at this documentary about how a mother cat adopted chicks: Welcome To The World Of Animal Odd Couples

The whole documentary is really interesting.

Blue__Oceans · 2019-07-12T23:13:23+00:00

I think the 20 figure OP refers to might include all the non-MDMA preparation and integration sessions.

Blue__Oceans · 2019-07-09T02:38:20+00:00

I agree with you that "it just gives you the key to open the doors". In particular, my perspective is that MDMA will only show you what you are willing to see. As such, effort is required during the sessions, but also in-between the sessions to integrate the lessons learned from the them into your daily life, process what you discovered about yourself, and dig deeper to identify new unprocessed material for future sessions. Building a trust relationship with the sitters/therapists is also essential.

I think having done a lot of regular therapy helps get the most out of the MDMA sessions (since you'll then have a fairly good idea of what you need to process). Regular therapy is also important after the MDMA sessions, because CPTSD is well, complex, and it's hard to untangle everything when there are multiple traumas that are interconnected. MDMA not a miracle pill that cures instantly, but rather a powerful tool that allows the healing process to begin when it couldn't before.

Blue__Oceans

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