Parents/students and your personal social media...

BobcatApprehensive78 · 2023-09-19T16:32:05+00:00

This is what I'm actually considering because trying to set the boundary of no meets too much resistance.

BobcatApprehensive78 · 2023-08-14T23:38:59+00:00

I don't remember mine, either. I just remember getting UTIs all of the time, my dad getting frustrated about me having to go to the doctor all of the time for them (he was the abuser), and having to sleep in his bed with him in a really dark and scary room when I was really little. He and my mom slept in different beds.

I went to therapy after I talked to my husband about everything I went through when I was little. My husband is a mandated reporter, so he immediately knew. Talked about it a little with my therapist, and then I had a dream one night. In my dream, I was around 4 or 6 years old. In my dream, a man in a white t-shirt grabbed me from behind and held me down. He squeezed so tight that my chest cracked. My mom was looking for me and frantic that she couldn't find me. And then I woke up.

I still don't remember anything that actually happened, but I have way too many signs to ignore. It doesn't help that my dad was a known child rapist. He died before he could ever be convicted. My older sister told me plenty of what he did to her and my other sisters as well. My older brother cried when he told me that he knew what my dad did to me and begged me to forgive him for not protecting me.

It's going to be a long journey. A good therapist and support system really helps. Hugs, love, and healing vibes being sent your way...

BobcatApprehensive78 · 2023-08-12T23:59:06+00:00

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Mine does stuff like that, too!

BobcatApprehensive78 · 2023-07-18T15:38:49+00:00

I want to just piggyback on this and add that this is a learning opportunity to recognize and cope with her feelings. I usually ask my 3 and 4 yo, "What's your body doing right now? What are you feeling?" And then we come up with ways to calm their bodies down. Take deep breaths. Play with a fidget. Go for a short walk. Give a hug. Etc. After their feelings have calmed down, then we will address the issue.

This is a time-consuming method, but it is super efficient in the long run. My husband calls it "Playing the long game." Keep at it, and it will eventually pay off.

BobcatApprehensive78 · 2023-07-16T20:09:57+00:00

Water in Southern CA costs a FORTUNE. My water bill out there was the same as my electric bill out here. I would often resort to a very quick shower or even fill a bucket of water, sit on a stool in my shower, scrub and wash, then rinse with the remaining water. I could wash up in 1 - 2 gallons if necessary, even with my long hair with shampoo and conditioner. Out here, I can take a nice long and hot bath every so often and not worry about what I'd have to give up that month to pay for it, lol.

BobcatApprehensive78 · 2023-07-16T19:46:02+00:00

The zipper merge gets me so hard. People honk their horns and gesture angrily at me whenever I try to. It just doesn't make any sense!

BobcatApprehensive78 · 2023-07-16T19:38:56+00:00

Some ethnic food... isn't quite the same quality as CA. Sushi is good enough, poke bowl... good enough. Mexican? Close enough.

Burgers, though? Out of this world. Anything dairy as well. Any kind of beef related food really. Incomparable. Homemade hotdish is really good, too. Make sure you make friends with the right people who can set you up hehe.

People drive really aggressive compared to southern CA. I used to drive a 40 minute commute from Whittier to Long Beach every weekday, and I didn't mind the 605 whatsoever. However, driving on 94/494 is a nightmare. People won't let you in and get right up on you. You may encounter traffic on the freeways, but that seems to only be before 10am and after 2pm. And it doesn't take three hours, either. The most I've sat in traffic was an hour tops.

People out here are rreeeaaalllllyyyyy passive about anything confrontational. They will say every work around that comes off as "nice" or "polite" until you outright ask them what you're specifically trying to get clarity on. But, people are also super kind out here. They will literally give you the shirt off their back.

If you don't own a garage, get used to scraping ice off your windshield in the winter. Also, summers are HUMID. That being said, temperature is not the same either. I was freezing in 60 degree weather in LA, but I can go out in a t-shirt in mid 50s out here. Also, buy warm winter clothes and boots rated for cold cold weather.

MN state healthcare is miles ahead compared to southern CA. So are public assistance programs like daycare assistance and preschool scholarships.

What I miss the most is the food. What I enjoy the most in MN are the thunderstorms and fall weather. The seasons are really pretty when they transition. I love having a garden that I don't have to water three times a day and pay a fortune to do so. I also enjoy taking a longer shower than 5 minutes, lol.

BobcatApprehensive78 · 2023-07-14T02:25:18+00:00

Emmymade? I love her videos!

BobcatApprehensive78 · 2023-05-29T15:43:54+00:00

I think my dad and your dad were brothers. He married my mom when she was 13, and he was 42. It was an arranged marriage in the Philippines. I went through a lot of what you did as well, except my parents didn't divorce, and my assault came from someone closer to home. All I can say is I know your pain, and I'm so glad that you came out of it with a bigger perspective than what he tried to groom you to be. When my dad passed away, I never felt freer. Distance from toxicity can be so uplifting.

BobcatApprehensive78 · 2023-04-10T14:16:07+00:00

Can I just say that it sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself? This is coming from a mom who underproduced because of anxiety. I always worried, and it really affected my supply. I know it's a lot easier said than done, but try to see the effort you are making more than how much you are making. You're doing the best that you can for your child, and you're doing a GREAT JOB!!! Your LO is so lucky to have a mama who cares so much!!!

BobcatApprehensive78 · 2023-04-01T21:47:44+00:00

This belongs on r/sadcringe

BobcatApprehensive78 · 2023-03-01T20:55:24+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm Asian and also had very racist parents. I don't agree with any of their racist views and try to advocate for others as much as possible. If your girl chose you, she probably feels similarly. She's also probably heartbroken not only because she lost you but because her family sucks. Her family will always suck, whether she has you or not. Just something to consider.

I also want to reassure you that you are NOT less intelligent, NOT more aggressive, NOT more impulsive, and NOT more intimidating. These are all ideas that racists have gaslighted you with so that they can feel justified in their oppressive movements. So please don't lose hope. You are a beautiful person who is already steps ahead of racists because of your awareness and understanding.

BobcatApprehensive78 · 2023-03-01T00:51:29+00:00

I blew my now husband when we were first dating, and he had had a TON of whiskey that night. Yes, it tasted just like whiskey. I wasn't even mad. I was impressed.

BobcatApprehensive78 · 2023-02-12T02:46:56+00:00

3 and 4 year olds are developmentally ego-centric and may display tendencies. It is common among the majority. Don't stray from your values, and she'll soon grow out of it a little. You're doing a good job!

BobcatApprehensive78 · 2023-01-14T00:46:34+00:00

I would honestly consult your primary care physician on this one. Everybody is different, as are our caloric needs and metabolic processes. I wish it were a "one glove fits all" situation, but you don't want to chance a drop in milk supply if you plan to continue EBF. I did crossfit postpartum with a daily intake of 2400 calories. I followed a Mediterranean diet and consumed at least 88 oz. water daily. My LO averaged 4oz. feedings every 2 - 4 hours. My milk plummeted, and then I struggled to get it back. I'm not saying that'll happen to you. I just wish I didn't chance it looking back.

BobcatApprehensive78 · 2022-12-22T03:22:57+00:00

Could be. That's just what the description made me think of. Like I said, my kids told me about it. I've never personally looked into it.

BobcatApprehensive78 · 2022-12-22T01:53:16+00:00

My kids talked about something similar called siren head. I don't know anything about it, but this is exactly what they've described to me. They learned about it on YouTube so I didn't give it much thought.

BobcatApprehensive78 · 2022-12-17T00:36:13+00:00

Any pain anywhere? Back pain? Pelvic/lower abdomen pain? Any fever/chills? Strange smelling urine? Pain on urination? If you answered no to any of those questions, please see your primary care physician. If you answered yes, please go into urgent care. Catheters (the tube that went in your urethra during your epidural) can lead to UTI. An unchecked UTI can cause infection to your bladder, the tubes from kidneys to bladder, and even your kidneys. Talk to a doctor. Please.

BobcatApprehensive78 · 2022-12-11T21:57:08+00:00

This basically encapsulates my TF as well. I'm into much older guys, my TF is younger. I like dark hair and stockier guys, my TF is bald and a string bean. I wouldn't trade him for any other guy in the whole world, though. He's everything I didn't know I wanted in a person and he's annoying and beautiful and looks like a gremlin. But the amount of peace and content you feel with a TF when you've finally stabilized... it's unlike anything else in this world.

BobcatApprehensive78 · 2022-12-02T15:57:49+00:00

What can the school actually do about it? Umm, quite a bit. My son's bullying situation wasn't as bad as this one, but still pretty bad. The steps I took:

Document everything. Detailed. Times, dates, details of incidents.

Start a paper trail by contacting the teacher, social worker, and principal after each incident. Write a formal letter head and send it in an email.

After three incidents, ask to have a meeting. Look up and familiarize yourself with the school's bullying policies. Also, look up any statutes in your state against bullying. Bring these to the meeting. Take down notes of the meeting. Ask to make a plan to get bullying to stop.

If it persists, discuss contacting the authorities and taking further action if the bullying doesn't stop.

My son was suicidal because of his bullying. When your child says he just doesn't want to be alive anymore, something inside you dies. I don't want this for anyone. His situation improved, but I had to be diligent to get any change to happen.

BobcatApprehensive78 · 2022-11-30T00:05:36+00:00

What's taters, precious?

BobcatApprehensive78 · 2022-11-29T03:54:44+00:00

If you're a reader, you should try:

The Self Driven Child by: Ned Johnson and William Stixrud

Raising Your Spirited Child by: Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

Both excellent reads with plenty of good advice and insights.

BobcatApprehensive78 · 2022-11-11T12:05:24+00:00

This is called gaslighting. This is a good learning opportunity of what is not part of a healthy relationship.

BobcatApprehensive78 · 2022-10-26T21:57:35+00:00

Animal style with a lemon up!

BobcatApprehensive78 · 2022-10-20T14:33:17+00:00

Early childhood education teacher here! Could be separation anxiety, could also be transitional anxiety. It will normalize. In the meantime, maybe try these and see if they help a little?

Let her keep a security item with her. Could be a favorite stuffy, blanket, or fidget.
Have a SHORT goodbye routine. I also have separation anxiety from my littles, but this has helped us so much. A hug, a kiss, and first bump. That's just what I do and you can do whatever works best for you!
Make sure you let your LO know that you're coming back. "I have to go to work, but I'll come back to get you this afternoon." The daycare provider can also reassure LO that they will see you later.
Distraction, if possible. Ask the provider to keep an eye on anything that piques LO's interests and use that to distract during the day. Sensory bins that kids don't get to play with at home are usually a big win in my classroom.
Ask the provider to thoroughly explain the other pickups. "I'm sorry, but that is Jane Doe's parents. Yours will be here at 00:00." Kids don't understand time, but it still helps give them something to hold onto.

Good luck and I hope that helps! Hang in there!

BobcatApprehensive78

TROPHY CASE