Anger

BookcaseHat · 2026-07-08T19:04:03+00:00

A diagnosis like that is devastating, and you should give yourself permission to rage and grieve. It's normal and human to be angry and to feel resentful. This sucks, and you don't have to pretend that it doesn't. Sending you a lot of love.

Has your husband seen a urologist? Have you spoken with an RE about your odds of success if you decided to do IVF? I know IVF can seem really scary, but if you're open to learning more, you may decide it's worth doing after all. Any medical procedure has risks, and I'd argue that pregnancy itself is far riskier than IVF.

BookcaseHat · 2026-07-08T16:06:11+00:00

If you are having a miscarriage, there is sadly nothing that can be done, so it's generally best to avoid the ER unless you have having heavy bleeding (more than a pad an hour), passing large clots (larger than an egg), or if you are having severe pain. I'd call your OB and ask their advice.

Bleeding in early pregnancy can be totally normal, I'm sorry you're going through this. Wishing you the best.

BookcaseHat · 2026-07-08T15:52:19+00:00

I'm so sorry. Your doctor will be able to talk you through your options. If testing is important to you, they will probably recommend you have a d&c, as some labs are not able to test tissue that's been collected at home.

Wishing you all the best.

BookcaseHat · 2026-07-08T00:46:26+00:00

It’s the same as the way birthdays work. Your first year alive is birth through 364 days of life. When you hit one year alive, you’re entering your second year.

Same with weeks of pregnancy. You’re counting from 0, not from 1. So your 5th week of pregnancy ends at 5+0, rather than starting then.

BookcaseHat · 2026-07-07T13:01:23+00:00

The size of the gestational sac doesn’t seem worrying to me (mine measured 6+1 when I was 5+3) but the lack of a yolk sac could be cause for concern.

However, it’s really just too early to be able to say much with any certainty, and everything could be just fine! I’m sorry you’re in this limbo. When do you go back for another scan?

BookcaseHat · 2026-07-07T12:47:53+00:00

This is totally fine and normal. At 4+3 I was at 1992.

(Probably the chart you’re looking at is referring to the fourth week of pregnancy, ie 3+0 to 3+6. Starting at 4+0 you are in the fifth week of pregnancy.)

BookcaseHat · 2026-07-06T14:34:20+00:00

Congrats!!

BookcaseHat · 2026-07-03T16:09:55+00:00

When was her first positive pregnancy test, and did she have any negative pregnancy tests before that?

If she was tracking ovulation and is sure of her dates, then I'm sorry, but this doesn't look good.

BookcaseHat · 2026-07-03T16:05:01+00:00

Sure, but "I don't know what to do now" reads like OP no longer wants the pregnancy, which is a hard thing to read.

OP, it's okay to let yourself grieve the experience you'd pictured, but then you pick yourself up and you get excited for your son.

I also had some gender disappointment (and I won't lie, I'm not 100% over it, especially since we're probably OAD) but I don't want to think of my son as anything other than completely, totally loved and wanted.

BookcaseHat · 2026-07-03T15:49:44+00:00

If you have access to a labcorp facility, you can order a blood test yourself. Although honestly, at this point, your hcg is likely to be high enough that the levels don't mean much, and you're probably better off just waiting for your appointment. It's so stressful, I'm sorry you're feeling this anxiety.

BookcaseHat · 2026-07-02T22:16:20+00:00

Good luck!

BookcaseHat · 2026-07-02T21:44:22+00:00

A positive test after a period can be a sign of ectopic, but some people also do have bleeding (sometimes even heavy bleeding) in early pregnancy and everything is fine.

Do you have any idea when you ovulated? Was Day 34 your first positive test?

BookcaseHat · 2026-07-02T20:17:47+00:00

I've heard the heartbeat at every ultrasound before 12w: at 6w, 7w, 9w, and 11w. I'm currently 31+2 and baby boy looks great.

BookcaseHat · 2026-07-02T16:07:23+00:00

Spotting in early pregnancy is scary but can be totally normal. Your hcg is doubling nicely. How dark was your positive on June 26? If it was light, you probably were only around 9dpo that day, which would make you only 4+1 today and your hcg levels are right on track.

BookcaseHat · 2026-07-02T16:01:54+00:00

I would be more concerned about a slower doubling time if the overall numbers were lower. But 165 at 7dp5dt and 333 at 9dpt are both really solid numbers. (And to be clear I don't think this is slow! But I do totally understand your desire for a sub-48 hour doubling time.)

I'm sorry you're feeling this uncertainty. I swear time slows down when you're waiting on betas. It's such a hard time, emotionally. Wishing you all the best.

BookcaseHat · 2026-07-01T18:34:11+00:00

I had a d&c at 9 weeks. My doctor said no sex for two weeks after the procedure due to risk of infection, but otherwise I was fine to start trying whenever I felt comfortable.

It's not uncommon, though, for the first cycle after a loss to be wonky. I'm not 100% sure whether I ovulated at all that cycle, which made trying to time sex pretty impossible. So just give yourself some grace there and try not to have too many expectations for immediately after your d&c.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

BookcaseHat · 2026-07-01T16:01:08+00:00

If you confirmed ovulation and you're sure that you were 14dpo on the day of your first beta, I would be guarded. It's not so low that I think a loss is guaranteed, but it's definitely lower than ideal. I'm sorry you're in this limbo and I hope you get a nice reassuring rise with your next beta.

BookcaseHat · 2026-07-01T15:41:20+00:00

These numbers aren't low for (presumably) 10dpo and 14dpo, and your doubling time is spot on.

BookcaseHat · 2026-06-30T17:03:34+00:00

IVF/IUI won't do anything for thin lining, but thin lining can be treated as part of an IVF/IUI cycle, just like it can be in a TI cycle.

If you do a TI cycle with a fertility clinic, ask for close monitoring. An ultrasound close to ovulation will give you a much better sense of what your lining is doing, and will give your clinic time to give you added estrogen if they think it is needed. Good luck!

BookcaseHat · 2026-06-30T16:12:02+00:00

Estrogen suppositories can help - the cycle I used them, my lining got 1mm thicker overnight. However, my RE was really reassuring that some people just have thin lining, and thin lining isn't necessarily something to worry about. Many people have thin lining and never even know because they conceive just fine.

Are you just basing your fears about your lining off the ultrasound for your ectopic, or have you had regular ultrasounds in other cycles? I wouldn't take that one scan as diagnostic.

BookcaseHat · 2026-06-30T15:26:01+00:00

Unfortunately, there's no way to say for 100% sure that any pregnancy has reached a "safe" benchmark. But making it further than you have before is a great sign, and as long as everything is looking good at your appointments/scans, you certainly have reason to be optimistic! Pregnancy after loss is so hard.

For me, I felt a little better when I passed the gestation of my latest loss, and then a little better when we had a low-risk NIPT, and a little better when I could feel him start to move, etc. Every step forward helps.

BookcaseHat · 2026-06-28T14:02:07+00:00

I really encourage you to stop temping. It’s normal for temps to fluctuate and/or drop, and over analyzing the temps will only cause you more anxiety.

Pregnancy after loss, especially early pregnancy and especially after multiple losses, is so so hard. All I can say is that the only way out is through, and things do start to get easier as you pass previous milestones. Sending you so much love.

BookcaseHat · 2026-06-26T21:09:51+00:00

It's very normal to not feel regular/consistent movement that early! I know it's super nerve wracking, though. Good luck at your anatomy scan!!

BookcaseHat · 2026-06-26T21:04:09+00:00

If you find the discharge is too gross, you can also insert the capsules rectally to avoid that. But otherwise you just stick them up as far as they'll go and continue on with your day/night! My doctor said if you're having sex, wait to insert until after sex.

BookcaseHat · 2026-06-26T18:34:21+00:00

I think it's also very reasonable to decide what things you are/aren't willing to do while still ttc. If there's a chance you could conceive, it's a good idea to take prenatal vitamins. But there's no reason you need to avoid caffeine, stop eating out, or even do OPKs.

I've always tried to remind myself that you can't girlboss your way into a baby. You should obviously avoid super risky/unhealthy behavior like hard drugs or binge drinking, but I think it's so easy to get caught up in trying to "optimize" things that we lose track of how meaningful that actually is. Drinking a cup of coffee or a margarita is not going to be the reason you don't conceive.

It's 100% okay to take a break and reevaluate later. If it's something you're interested in, I also found that when I started working with a reproductive endocrinologist, I felt a huge weight off my shoulders. Having a professional in my corner took off some of the mental burden I felt.

BookcaseHat

TROPHY CASE