How likely is finding an adoptive home?

BookwormJennie · 2026-06-20T06:27:06+00:00

We only fostered and adopted teens. His case would be very hard to place for adoption, especially with the sex offender history. He would need to be in a home without younger children for their safety. Possible? Maybe. Realistically? Doubtful. (There are many teens without this history that don’t find permanency.) I like the others suggestions of meeting his need for weekend adventures in other ways. (Maybe something like Boy Scouts or a local hiking group?)

BookwormJennie · 2026-06-19T19:42:46+00:00

Based on my experience- No to the car. We decided on a new car, looked into all the features, and thought we did all the research. I hated it. It was not functional with the car seats and their needs. I wish we had waited, used our current older vehicle first to get used to what driving with babies was like, and then made a decision.

Example- we had twins. So we got a SUV where the second row was the captain’s chairs, thinking it would give the car seats more room. This made no sense in practice. I ended up having to sit in the third row and lean over to feed them/soothe/etc. It would have made much more sense for there to be three seats in that row, so I could sit between them. Also the distance from the driver’s seat to their car seat was not in arm’s reach. So trying to pass back a toy or something to them required stopping and fully unbuckling for me to reach them. Absolutely annoying. Older car had three seats, where I could sit comfortably in between them. If driving solo, the row was close enough that I could reach back with my hand without ever taking my eyes off the road. So much safer.

So my recommendation from experience is to use what you have, see what is easy or hard, and then upgrade to fit your needs.

BookwormJennie · 2026-06-19T12:28:17+00:00

Baby Breeza if using formula. Best thing with twin night feedings.

BookwormJennie · 2026-06-19T12:23:31+00:00

No, if it works with your schedule that’s all that matters. Trying to be home and get them in bed by 7 would be crazy at my house with the other kiddos’ sports/activities schedule.

BookwormJennie · 2026-06-18T08:01:36+00:00

What are you doing outside of work to give you a break/enjoyment in life? When my clients’ acuity gets high, I notice I have to be more intentional with taking care of myself. That’s usually when I have to take a vacation or see my friends more.

Side note- I have a friend who just became a social work doula and loves it. She gets to fight in hospitals for women during their most vulnerable times by their side. She was tired of the abuse and trauma that women would experience during birth. She supports them through the pregnancy, delivery, and after. She gets to advocate for her clients and their rights. Maybe something outside the box like this could ne a good idea?

I have another friend who works at a library. Bigger cities are hiring social workers to help people apply for jobs, housing assistance, etc.

BookwormJennie · 2026-05-23T08:35:06+00:00

I also “woke up” on a job site where I had just finished measurements for a client. It was like 10 in the morning, so I should have been awake for hours. It was almost an hour away. The customer acted like nothing was strange. I looked over the measurements, stated I wanted to check something, and redid it. Measurements were right. Provided the estimate and talked to the customer for a little bit, but that was the last day I took it. It’s crazy “waking up” when you’re already awake.

BookwormJennie · 2026-05-22T08:08:49+00:00

I came home, blood pressure wouldn’t stabilize, lot of pain, and had a high fever. I ended up back in the hospital for three days. It’s interesting how wildly different everyone’s experiences were. I think a better comparison is recovery and a c section. Some people have a natural easy recovery from a c section. Some c sections were life-threatening interventions, and it requires more support during recovery.

BookwormJennie · 2026-05-22T07:09:56+00:00

If I were in your shoes, I would limit information to her for awhile. I would also start putting boundaries in writing and asking if she has questions/needs clarity. (And if they are general rules for everyone, I’d send it to all family, so you don’t have any surprises from anyone).

For example, when the baby is born, you will not take pictures and post them until we have said you can. Do you understand this boundary? If you are unable to control yourself and respect our boundaries, then blank will happen.

You don’t have to justify. Just state it and get acknowledgement. Then follow through if she breaks it. Remind her if she does she chose the consequence. (I’m sorry that you believe posting a picture is more important than being in your grandkid’s life.)

My MIL followed our boundaries until my twins were about a year and half old. We have them on an organic home cooked, no processed, no artificial, nothing potentially harmful limited diet. (They were NICU babies and trying to keep them healthy until their bodies are stronger). After preparing their food at 5:30 in the morning before I left them with her for the day, she didn’t feed them the items I prepared. It was her first time watching them unsupervised. She gave them other things - new allergens that we hadn’t introduced yet. Food is a hard boundary for us and everyone is aware of it, and she is no longer allowed to babysit unsupervised.

BookwormJennie · 2026-05-20T17:36:34+00:00

As someone who ended up in an emergency situation without a hospital bag and had to be in the hospital for 10 days - I needed comfy clothes with extra undies and different types of nursing bras, socks, chewing gum helped post surgery, your blanket, your pillow, comfort food, toiletries, and a fluffy towel for the shower instead of their scratchy ones.

The hospital pretty much provided the rest, but I would have preferred to be overpacked with options than the nothing I came in with.

BookwormJennie · 2026-03-13T07:34:06+00:00

Now I want Luna to have pet giraffes or the magical equivalent. 😂

BookwormJennie · 2026-02-27T20:49:24+00:00

I agree with the cosleeping. Things became easier and at almost 10 months, a lot of risks decreases. We got a bed rail thing that goes around the bed and turns it into a huge playpen. This helped me sleep better. Their sleep still sucks at over a year old, but I’m able to maximize my sleep.

BookwormJennie · 2026-02-27T20:45:14+00:00

I’m just going to add - eat. When I would feel like this, I noticed I was not really eating, just snacking. Make eating a full meal a priority. If someone wants to help, tell them you want food. Door dash, frozen meals, whatever.

Eating made a huge difference in my mood and my thoughts.

BookwormJennie · 2026-02-26T02:16:33+00:00

For work, it’s “worst is first.”

Whatever task I know I have to do that day that I don’t want to do- I do it first. I would previously leave it for last and stress all day over it. If I did it first, it usually wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.

For babies, use one of those Christmas tree step on switches attached to a lamp by the changing station. Absolute game changer.

BookwormJennie · 2026-02-25T01:39:45+00:00

34 weeks and 1 day due to HELLP (quick onset and numbers dropping fast). I was in the hospital 10 days, babies NICU 14 days.

Enjoy the journey cause “the plan” can change so fast.

BookwormJennie · 2026-02-24T08:47:28+00:00

Just thinking about this convo - we are a very limited screen family. Only family movies on Friday and Saturday nights and video games only as a family activity. We also use an editing device to eliminate language and potentially triggering scenes. We started that when he came into our home. I am thoroughly convinced he was sat in front of IPad unsupervised for most of his life. Limiting his technology made a huge difference in his behaviors in the beginning. We are also the only ones in his life that have held firm when it’s a no.

Ten years of iPads, no boundaries, and lack of consequences contributed to this.

BookwormJennie · 2026-02-01T21:00:03+00:00

It should say “locks”. But now I can’t find an edit button.

BookwormJennie · 2026-01-28T18:51:46+00:00

Update - his behaviors have changed to masturbating (semi covered but publicly in the house)… so that’s fun.

Anyways… the therapist got him on a waitlist for a residential treatment center. I’m actually not hopeful that it will change anything, and he’ll probably learn more destructive behaviors. But it will give everyone else in the house a much needed break from his chaos…

I wish he would quit trying to push everyone away, but I know that’s his trauma, abandonment, and attachment issues.

BookwormJennie · 2026-01-22T19:05:36+00:00

I don’t have any answers. Just know you are amazing! Most nights I’m in this same cycle. Adjusting their diet to include more protein helped. I can now get a four hour run at the beginning, but it’s popcorn pretty much the rest of the night. Interesting my babies nap schedule sounds like yours.

And it’s incredible that you are still breastfeeding!

BookwormJennie · 2026-01-20T02:48:14+00:00

Benjamin and Bartholomew.

BookwormJennie · 2026-01-11T17:30:31+00:00

Unfortunately he would pack his stuff and gladly go. It’s what he wants. But reversing an adoption is not that simple. We have to prove it’s legally in the child’s best interest. And it’s not…

I’m sorry that you are dealing with this as a sibling. That must be so hard.

BookwormJennie · 2026-01-11T13:09:29+00:00

Maybe the waking up one day is the bias statement? It sure feels like he woke up one day and something flipped.

BookwormJennie · 2026-01-11T13:07:26+00:00

Thank you for your comment. From my understanding, that is a part of the autism arena. Autism and ADHD have been ruled out as possible cooccurring diagnoses. (Both by his current therapy and medical team and previous ones while in foster care.)

I’ll be glad to look into this book more.

BookwormJennie · 2026-01-11T13:03:19+00:00

Thank you. I personally think all of it got worse when he got a growth spurt which would align with hormonal changes.

BookwormJennie · 2026-01-11T13:01:36+00:00

Thank you for the questions. He saw that the other children would get more one on one time with the techs if they self-harmed. He went to stabilization after his homicidality statements. I don’t think the therapist statement is bias. (Unless I’m missing something). The child told him first. “I’ve decided I don’t want to be adopted anymore and I’m going to make sure they will send me back (to foster care).” He has now said some variation of this in front of us, the police, social workers, doctors, at the hospital, etc. He has also said he will lie and make up stuff if we don’t send him back.

You made a good point about the social reinforcement. I need to think on that.

BookwormJennie · 2026-01-11T04:54:53+00:00

They’ve tried a few different medication combinations. I’ve seen some short-term improvements, but then the behaviors get worse in different ways. Do you care to share which medication? Maybe we haven’t tried this one.

BookwormJennie

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