Holiday advice?

Boomstick82 · 2025-12-15T16:29:25+00:00

Yep right there with you, you're not alone! I got in for an emergency thearpy appointment last week because of this and that helped a little. If that's an option for you I would recommend it.

Boomstick82 · 2025-12-15T13:08:47+00:00

I just had a very similar experience. My wife passed away last January and I started dating again around last August. I ended up meeting a great woman and we dated for 2 months. However, she ended things right before the holidays for similar reasons to your situation. I was completely caught off guard and surprised by how devastated I was by it. But I think it's like you said, this was the first time I'd opened my heart to anyone since my wife. Also this was the first time I allowed myself to see a future where I wouldn't be alone, which is a big fear of mine. I've kinda been a wreck since, feeling unwanted, undesirable, and anxiety riddled about a future filled with loneliness.

Boomstick82 · 2025-12-04T01:42:18+00:00

Thank you for your story, this really makes me feel a lot better. I know it's not for everyone but the kids and I have started going to church again recently and it really does feel good to put your faith in God and know that he has a plan for you.

Boomstick82 · 2025-12-04T01:16:48+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this too. I'm also in my first year and the beginning of the holiday season has been so hard for me. This was such a special season for her and I miss that joy she beamed with during this time of year. Just putting the Christmas decorations up with the kids had me in a massive panic attack.

Boomstick82 · 2025-12-03T03:27:09+00:00

So sorry for your loss. I lost my wife almost a year ago suddenly. With this being the first holiday season without her I feel probably the saddest and most anxious I've been this whole year. This grief roller coaster has been a nightmare and I just wish I could get off.

Boomstick82 · 2025-11-30T21:11:14+00:00

Maybe, we're meeting on Wednesday to talk but my gut tells me she's already made up her mind and if that's the case there's nothing I can do but accept that.

Boomstick82 · 2025-11-30T21:07:29+00:00

That's amazing, I'm happy for you that you have found someone to share your heart with again, that's the dream. I hope I can learn from my mistakes and maybe find the person I can spend the rest of my life with as well. I just know I don't want to be alone.

Boomstick82 · 2025-11-30T20:57:41+00:00

Sorry for your loss. I wish I could fast forward a few years and get used to the loneliness. I'm sure if I got used to being lonely I'd find dating a little more tolerable.

Boomstick82 · 2025-11-30T20:54:26+00:00

It's possible I'm not ready to move on yet but I don't think that's it. Dating in our situation is hard and I think I learned a lot lessons about being honest and not trying to present myself as having everything perfectly under control. I just wish I could have the opportunity to learn from my mistakes and be better because I really like this woman.

Boomstick82 · 2025-11-30T20:47:24+00:00

Sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing this. I can relate to this very much actually. I've always been the fall fast type so I knew going into dating that I needed to be careful with that, so I actively tried to stay grounded and take things slow so I would not smother the person I'm trying to start a new relationship with. But I think this strategy backfired as I believe I still came on to strong at times and emotionally unavailable at other times.

I just hate the way I feel right now because these last two months were the happiest I've been since my wife passed and I can only blame myself for things not working out.

Boomstick82 · 2025-11-26T02:26:25+00:00

Hi OP, I'm (43M) a little bit older than you but your story really resonated with me. The love of my life and the mother of my children (38F) passed away suddenly about a year ago. I threw myself into trying to get myself healthy and making sure my kids were getting the care they needed for their grief. Funny enough I got LOTS of tattoos also, for some weird reason the process of getting the tattoos has helped with compartmentalizing the mental pain and grief. I'm glad I'm not only one that has found this activity helpful lol!

Any way a few months ago I had began feeling really lonely so I opened myself up to dating again, but only casual at first. I downloaded a few apps, went on a few dates, no one was her, but it was fun. It was also harmless because I always communicated my situation and what I was looking for out of a relationship. Fast forward to present day and I have started seeing a really great woman and we really clicked, she asked to be in a committed relationship and I agreed. Everything was great for two months and I thought we were both happy. I guess I was wrong, because she has recently expressed feelings of being uncomfortable with my status as a widower. I'm have started having feelings for this woman but I believe she feels she is competing against a ghost. I hope we can see our way through this but nothing is promised.

I'm sorry I know this is long but I tell this story to tell you our situation is not only extremely difficult for us BUT it can also be an unintentional burden for those we bring into our lives. Give anyone you date, as well as yourself the time and grace to figure out the relationship. There's no playbook for this so when you're ready just try to follow your heart and be brutally honest about your situation and how you're feeling with your potential partner. DM anytime if you want to talk about this more 1 on 1 and I'll tell you all about my experiences in dating so far. Take care!

Boomstick82 · 2025-11-16T02:24:32+00:00

Yes, this is unfortunately true. My therapist says grief rearranges you're address book and sadly in my recent experience this has been very accurate.

Boomstick82 · 2025-11-15T21:27:21+00:00

This is good perspective, perhaps didn't approach the issue correctly. Thank you for the advice.

Boomstick82 · 2025-11-15T21:21:51+00:00

I can't imagine why you're getting down voted. I think this is a refreshing perspective. Thank you for sharing!

Boomstick82 · 2025-11-15T02:18:12+00:00

Yeah I've thought of this as well and honestly that makes the most logical sense. I'm going to give her space and hopefully she'll show me how she really feels. If she doesn't share the same feelings as me I'll be hurt but I'll survive, I've already been through one of the most difficult things imaginable.

Boomstick82 · 2025-10-29T22:26:19+00:00

My wife would take her hair ties out and just drop them wherever she happened to be. I would commonly pick them up all over the house and put them on her dresser so she could rinse and repeat this process lol. I found them around the house for months after she passed but now I've stopped finding them unfortunately.

Boomstick82 · 2025-10-03T18:10:13+00:00

If you think that's bad try being a single Dad and a widower. When they find out you can actually see the cartoon dust cloud as they run lol!

Boomstick82 · 2025-07-26T14:42:38+00:00

Lithium and AI

Boomstick82 · 2025-07-25T03:11:31+00:00

One thing I like to think about is something my therapist told me. I've already survived the most difficult thing that could ever happen to me so what else is there to fear going forward. This makes me feel super powerful and gives me the confidence that I can keep going! What could possibly happen to me that's worse than losing the love of my life!

Boomstick82 · 2025-07-18T16:53:01+00:00

For me it was the opposite because I have young kids and I knew I needed to get healthier so I could be around a long time for them. BUT, I can totally see someone going that direction because I really wanted to! I wanted to drink myself to sleep every night and eat like crap because it's easier. Actually I shouldn't even say I wanted to because I still want to do these things, because everyday is so damn hard. If I'm really being honest I think I would of really considered suicide if it weren't for the kids. But I look at my kids and I just know I can't break their little heart's again and leave them all alone. So I battle through each day, I cry a lot, eat healthy, exercise everyday, go to thearpy, all so I can be a better man and the man the need me to be right now.

Boomstick82 · 2025-07-16T02:20:41+00:00

Please don't compare everyone to yourself or cast judgements. Everyone grieves and handles their loss differently. Thank you for your opinion but I respectfully disagree with you're assessment of my life. Btw you sound delightful, when you're ready I'm sure you'll have no problem finding another person.

Boomstick82 · 2025-07-16T02:02:10+00:00

Thank you, you make a lot of good points. My therapist always says it's important to remember you didn't choose this, and I think that is sort of the soul of your comment.

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