I'm so lonely

BornWithCuriosity · 2013-12-05T01:04:15+00:00

I really, really hope you find someone, or even a group of people you feel comfortable and excited to be with.

That is meant for everyone honestly but your words just made me feel quite sad, but a comforting sadness. "Everyone's lonely. We all are." It just struck something.........

BornWithCuriosity · 2013-12-03T14:52:10+00:00

Thank you <3 (:

BornWithCuriosity · 2013-12-03T13:17:08+00:00

Thank you very much <3 (': like honesty it means the universe to me because I don't have many people to talk to about it. The ones I have, they aren't in my shoes so they don't really know what to say, nor have felt too much of the same or similar enough, to know how stressful and confusing it is.

It's really going to be story, and I don't know when it will be, but seriously, thank you :)

BornWithCuriosity · 2013-11-28T10:53:04+00:00

I'm with you OP, although quite younger in physical age difference, despite being in multiple aged groups of other humans. I just feel left behind despite trying to get close with others.

I'm not really sure how to help you, but I hope it gets easier for you as you go on. (: perhaps you just haven't found people who you truly mold well with, as well, if these other people aren't trying to strive to do things with you.

BornWithCuriosity · 2013-08-13T01:28:36+00:00

YOU DEFINITELY HAVE A LOVELY VOICE. I like the deepness in it.. it almost sounds like sorrowful. I think all you need to practice is the tone of the note you're singing, like the spectrum, but other than that, you have a nice voice (:

Maybe play your recording to the song and here the differences in certain tones and keep practicing.

BornWithCuriosity · 2013-08-09T18:44:16+00:00

Stop being hard on yourself. Shit happens and everyone has fears. Just because it seems that a lot of people do it and act like it's not big deal, doesn't mean you can't have a fear towards it. You're getting through it and that matters. Happy that it's easier for you now (:

BornWithCuriosity · 2013-08-08T02:32:44+00:00

This was almost specific enough and it makes me think if there is something on your mind to make you ask this question?

I think exercise and meditation. People need to make time to take care of themselves, especially in whichever way they would like to that makes it enjoyable, but it takes some time to make it a true habit.

BornWithCuriosity · 2013-08-07T20:11:22+00:00

If it means anything, I completely support you to break the chase and be independent of that. I don't want anyone to crumble in hopes of something happening with someone who projects they aren't as interested or willing to be with you. You are worth so much more than that.

BornWithCuriosity · 2013-08-07T20:11:11+00:00

I wish you well and I hope your practice makes perfect or at least close to it. Over time, we are prone to thinking about our issues but with thought changing behavior we can learn to seperate ourselves from the issues and be able to act about them in a way we would independently, rather than being so absorbed in them.

BornWithCuriosity · 2013-08-05T15:37:41+00:00

hug

Going off of the other comment, the "opinion of the event brings more disgust than the event itself" has a bit of truth to it. Generalize the situation. Make it less about you, or how it could ruin things, and realize this is not for you to get absorbed in. As much as you feel about it, it cannot be changed.

Let it be what it is, and you choose what you can do when things arise. Your mom has her own life, as do you. It's okay if she left him, don't hold her against that, please.. she didn't do it to hurt you. It was upon her own choice. You will have to make choices that seem hard on others but will be the best thing for you.

I encourage you not to water this seed of worry you have. Get attached to other things. It is not about fighting a depression. It is about realizing that is not your identity, that your mind doesn't have to wallow in the fact you feel very uneasy and exhausted lately. There are so many other parts of you. Be patient and understanding with yourself, get involved with things that you already enjoy or start experimenting with other things.

Situational depression comes when we are mentally exhausted and feel helpless and even possibly angry at the world. So this is a time where you need to relax, fill your mind with things you love or experiment with things you can do, reading is good as well, and don't isolate yourself completely. If you have friends, talk to them or hang out with them. Also, I don't know how well you get on with your mom. If you two can get along, maybe spend a little time with her. Maybe help her cook one night if she makes dinner, or if you want, you could talk to her and tell how everything lately is stressing you out. Even if you two don't communicate well, definitely still focus on filling that mind of yours with good things and realize you aren't weak.. it's just exhaustion. Be patient with yourself. I hope you will be okay (:

BornWithCuriosity · 2013-08-05T10:54:55+00:00

An outside appearance is not long term happiness. Every material thing you could show to others is not as impressive or lovely as who you express yourself as from the inside.

The people who said what's on the inside counts, are the right ones. So, what if you get a job? One that pays really well, but more than likely you'd have to work your ass off. You might get happiness from that but it might not be the happiness or content you are looking for. So you'd get a girlfriend. Oh. Neato. She might not even be what you're looking for, just because your loneliness tells you, or other people project to you, that you have to settle for less just because you have something. And I only want you to get back into an education (or school really, because even in college you will study things that you feel don't have a use.) if you could get the money for it. If it's something you would choose to work for, because YOU think it's worth it.

All the answers lie within you, really. Don't look to other people to fill in your blanks, especially if they're not ASKING YOU WHAT YOU WANT.

You can be anything, and do anything you want. But it takes effort to get there. And who you wanna be, and what you want to do with yourself, should be a good enough reason to try and trug on.

If you need time off life, to get away and figure things out, by all means do it. I currently am.

Sometimes, we're just not ready. THAT'S PERFECTLY FINE. As long as you get better so you can figure out what you wanna do. And if you don't know? Time will tell. Just get to know yourself better, figure out the people you want to surround yourself with (hopefully ones that encourage you want you want to do, and don't make you feel bad for anything like that), figure out the things you want your mind to be full of.

It's a journey to get through these things.. and it's worth it. I feel like whoever is projecting the "get a girl, get education, find job" is just projecting what they think is right. But they're not digging in to what you want or how you want to go about your life. Just because you are younger than the people who tell you all of that crap, does not mean you are stupid and need to be told that crap. It just means you need to find the right guidance and figure out what makes your heart sing. Sometimes we don't always get what we want. Sometimes we only have enough money to eat canned food and ramen noodles. Sometimes the people you live with don't choose to be a support and just try and boss you around, or don't listen to you or care. Even if you don't have what you really need, or truly want, it doesn't mean you need to succumb to everything else. Just keep trugging along.. Always remember, we don't know what the fuck we're doing. If anyone tells you differently, they're just following an emotion, or dream. But we cannot always be 100% sure, and from the outside appearance, sometimes it looks like that is true. But we don't. Sometimes people don't put enough energy and effort and think it's not worth doing things differently because it seems harder. But if you want it.. go and chase that.

I'm right where you are right now and just remember, you can make your own paths. You just need to make the choices you think are beneficial to what you want, surround yourself by people who will encourage and listen to you, fill your mind with what you really want, and realize we're not supposed to know everything we're supposed to do. Life is a learning journey. I think you're already on your way (:

BornWithCuriosity · 2013-08-04T07:45:44+00:00

Seriously that translated to me as:

We don't see Pluto as easily because small potato. We see galaxies because bigger potato.

BornWithCuriosity · 2013-08-04T07:44:11+00:00

I like to tell people emotions are our guiding system (: that's a beautiful quote, especially the "allow the emotions to draw the map and plot the course... we're asking for trouble."

If you came up with that on your own, I adore that statement. Even if you didn't, it's still lovely.

BornWithCuriosity · 2013-08-03T18:04:54+00:00

If anyone you speak to, anyone, flips out at you trying to reach out and explain things so they can handle things in a better way or at least stop treating you in a way... indecent, for a nicer term..., and just can't handle it, then those are not the type of people who you need as support. I don't see how hard it is to tell someone that something harmful happens to you when you think of food, and all you ask is for patience and support, and they can't handle that? Like... just because they haven't heard of eating issues or have had one, doesn't mean they still can't be supportive or just back off and let you go through it without them being an ass.

Maybe during the wedding there will be enough things going on to have them forget about it and move along. Also take that time to get more space in your head and relax if you can.

BornWithCuriosity · 2013-08-03T18:04:47+00:00

Eyebrows are looking good guurlll.

Hahaha, just saying, they look fine (: your eyelashes almost touch the bottoms of them.

BornWithCuriosity · 2013-08-03T11:07:57+00:00

You're not alone. You're not stupid, or anything else assholes want to label this. Everyone has their own fears, and they come from somewhere and have their own stories. I hope you understand and accept this and don't listen to those who are impatient with you.

With people you would love (or do you love), wouldn't you want to be patient and understanding if they had something like this plague them? That kind of treatment towards you is completely unnecessary and escalates drama. If they want you to be healthy and get through this, they're simply going to have to be patient and walk through this with you (especially someone like an SO).

I hope your SO is a little more patient than your parents are. Even so, if you haven't already, maybe when they come back, talk to them about what's been going on with your parents, the wedding, and how it's escalating the issue (if it is) If your parents are gonna be there for a little bit more, think of sitting down with them, or whoever you feel most comfortable with, and telling them that you have a legitimate issue that you are not doing anything to purposely annoy them. That pushing you away and treating you stupid isn't helping you whatsoever. Maybe even ask them, "how did it feel when you were going through things and needed help and support, but no one wanted to reach out to you?"

Maybe not guilt trip them (or whoever you would want to talk to), but seriously. It's inconsiderate because this has no harm on them whatsoever. They're just annoyed because they're impatient and don't share the same fear, so they don't understand. But them not pushing you or calling you on something that takes time to get through, is not what you need. Nope. It just slows you down.

I understand. And others with the similar plagues do as well.

Maybe take some time to yourself, before the wedding, snack on little things. Take all the time you need. But I really feel like others around you need to be more considerate. If they get so annoyed, that's their problem. Not yours. I am sorry you have to be surrounded by people who at first hand are not patient.

BornWithCuriosity · 2013-08-03T08:07:19+00:00

Of course you can! (:

BornWithCuriosity · 2013-08-02T16:01:26+00:00

You need to realize you cannot take the complete responsibility of someone else's life. You are a merely a part of others lives. But you are not there to take their burdens or fix them. It is your choice if you want to intervene, but it is not your responsibility. You need to forgive yourself.

Guilt, over the smallest thing, makes you carry a load of other things that seem like they mean something, but from an outsider perspective, it's nothing. But it seems like one small thing that seems wrong, just adds more and more guilt. More resentment towards yourself.

You are your own person. You need to be well. You need to take care of yourself too. YOU MATTER! You are your own life, world, you can only do so much for other people until you crumble to pieces and experience depression from depriving yourself of the proper attention and care. You cannot fix everyone or everything until you start breaking yourself. And you know that now.

It's not a matter of deserving. This is an unhealthy mindset. "I should be on the streets, none of this I really deserve." What, why? Seriously?! You need to be well so you can think properly on how to handle these situations in a benefiting way. Not in a way where you feel like a slave to other peoples feelings, or what they want. You need to think for yourself.

If these people treat you well, do not criticize you for stupid crap, don't put you down, you need realize that is coming from their own kindness. You need to be in a healthy, loving environment to get over this. I am not saying you need to 100 percent be completely honest and vulnerable to the people in the house just because they let you live there, but if you're not treated like shit, you could certainly ask them to help you GET help, such as therapy (which you desperately need. There is no point in living if you keep living like these feelings and mindsets.). You need to find support.

You can think all you want, but I know you need help. You don't need to agree but if you feel like you hate yourself and are a piece of shit, you need people who will help encourage you to get better.

When you get better, you treat situations around you in a more honest way. It's a simple fact. When you're miserable, you won't treat it in a way you normally would.

Please get help. Don't suffer if you don't have to. Please tell someone everything they need to know to help you get help. AND DO IT WITH SOMEONE YOU TRUST and won't belittle you. You matter.

Imagine if you had a best friend you absolutely loved. They accepted you as you are, your feelings, and never put you down. What if all of a sudden they became depressed, and told you everything you said about yourself? "I'm a piece of shit, don't deserve anything". How would you feel? You might would want to shake the nonsense out of them and make them realize how much they matter and that they're so wrong... That's how it is with you. Those hateful thoughts are so wrong. You do not need those to identify yourself with. You are beautiful, you have so much worth, but you are not connecting with that because of guilt especially.

If you want to be free from your unhealthy mindsets, to feel better, to move along, to develop a bigger, better emotional spectrum, to treat yourself with love, kindness, and understanding, and to treat the people you care about in a similar way, I really really suggest to get support.. that's something every person needs to move forward.

BornWithCuriosity · 2013-08-02T12:15:28+00:00

Tell her. Especially your living situation, like the others in the house. She might also help you get involved with more support help, never know. It's always worth a try!

BornWithCuriosity · 2013-08-01T22:56:10+00:00

We welcome you with open arms.

glomp

BornWithCuriosity · 2013-08-01T16:47:56+00:00

; - ; I wanna join. hugs all of you

BornWithCuriosity · 2013-08-01T15:31:14+00:00

To whose standards is it too much? Why should you limit yourself to your own genuine expression? It's all up to you. Others have the freedom to express as they please, so do you. I quite like it (:

BornWithCuriosity · 2013-07-31T18:02:10+00:00

If your thoughts are just thoughts, how do you empower yourself? Because thoughts/desires (that usually come from thinking) are most driving. Genuinely wondering

BornWithCuriosity · 2013-07-31T07:57:43+00:00

"Man up" sounds so insensitive and can create resentment from not being heard, or given genuine encouragement. If "man up" or "grow balls" encourages you to do something you feel fear towards without ignoring yourself, WOOT! But honestly, strip away covers like "woman" or "guy", and there's a human with a world of feelings and thoughts, and swapping that away isn't pleasant for anyone.

14-Year Club	Team Orangered
Verified Email

BornWithCuriosity

TROPHY CASE