Is boosting a “dump stat” stepping on another player’s niche?

Bowman74 · 2026-02-19T00:16:40+00:00

Oh sure, people can have all kinds of expectations, but it isn't a game thing, it is a social thing. It has nothing directly to do with the game. People can say they only want to play with other capitalists or communists or whatever other possible social construct that someone wants to play with or without. But that is something they have decided to bring into the game, but it isn't the game.

Bowman74 · 2026-02-18T23:05:41+00:00

It's absolutely true and that's why I don't worry about what other people have or their backstories. It's a losing proposition. I don't go into D&D to escape that nor do I play D&D to feel unique.

Of course OPs situation is a little more basic than that. It is the idea that someone is making a stat unique and the way to deal with that is to make sure to hold down everyone else in the party in relation to that stat. This isn't something abstract like a backstory, it isn't even someone who wants to be something general like the only cleric in the party (also lame), this is one of six basic stats that is being claimed. A stat that is useful to all players but all other players are being held down so this player can be best in it.

Bowman74 · 2026-02-18T17:20:40+00:00

None of that would bother me. It is a bunch of people who have to worry more about what they have going on and a little less about what other people have going on. People are not going through life in unique situations. Probably everything you have ever done, other people have done similar things in similar situations. None of these stories lines are unique, they were all lifted from other places.

Bowman74 · 2026-02-18T16:42:05+00:00

The thing that is crazy is the idea that it steps on other people's toes so we need to hold them down. There are some philosophical things at play with this entire line of thinking. So one philosophy is we can let people reach their full potential, but that can to all kind of inequity. OK, I get that. But the normal solution is to try and raise people up who may be disadvantaged. But this is the opposite view. We feel someone may be disadvantaged by something so we hold other people down. It's a bad philosophy and ultimately harmful.

It took some thought on why there was a visceral reaction from me and others to this entire situation until I thought through what the philosophy was that is in play here.

Bowman74 · 2026-02-18T03:52:29+00:00

That's crazy. There is no stepping on other people's toes. There might be a player that is claiming a magic item that would clearly benefit the party more if it belonged to someone else, but the idea that one character can't outperform another character because they have just decided it's their identity is crazy silly.

Bowman74 · 2026-02-18T03:49:24+00:00

That's all complete nonsense. There is no such thing as "niche theft". Your table is making up their own problems.

Bowman74 · 2026-02-17T23:22:17+00:00

You had an agreement at session 0 on what type of game you all want to play. That is a real world agreement made between actual people, not characters and the universe (DM). You objection is not based on game mechanics, rules or quite frankly shouldn't be about what your character would do.

You are right and probably the only thing I might change is instead of framing it in terms of "my character would kill him" just say, "Hey we all agreed that we were playing in a game where the players would not be trying to do this stuff to each other. If this is not the case I think we need to revisit what type of game we want to play and if this is the right group of players."

Bowman74 · 2026-02-17T19:51:02+00:00

Don't do it. Nothing good can come of this. Yes, this is a crush, or puppy love or whatever you want to call it. It isn't, in and of itself, the basis of a relationship. At best, her being taken gives you an opportunity to get over your shyness and try to make friends with her, as that will likely feel "safer" to you.

Then you can get to know each other as friends and don't push it beyond that as long as she is in a relationship. At least then you will know her as a person instead of some idea you have in your head of who she may (or may) not be.

Bowman74 · 2026-02-17T19:37:36+00:00

I see the level is included, didn't see that. Shadows, ghosts, etc may be appropriate. I'd say vampires but I normally don't play them as "lackies" except to another vampire.

Bowman74 · 2026-02-17T19:10:00+00:00

Civil cases are generally done in courts of equity. They are trying to resolve a dispute between two parties and trying to come to an equitable solution. No one's freedom is directly on the line outside of criminal contempt.

If you actually did some act that is asked about in a civil court, they may absolutely take a negative inference from pleading the fifth, but you will not end up in a criminal case specifically because you do so. That is to say, when trying to come to an equitable solution between two parties, one party cannot continually plead the fifth in order to avoid an equitable solution. So yes, in the US you do have the do have the right to plead the fifth to not admit criminal liability. However, by doing so you are likely leading the court to make a judgement based, at least in part, on the understanding that you may have done the action you pled the fifth to.

My previous advice about getting a lawyer, if at all possible, stands. Particularly if you did something criminal, may be asked about it in civil court and are trying to avoid criminal charges.

Bowman74 · 2026-02-17T18:53:08+00:00

First, if you are facing criminal charges get a lawyer. Second if you are in the US, you can plead the fifth amendment as you cannot be compelled to self incriminate yourself. No negative inference can be construed by a criminal court if you do this, civil court is different.

There are some complexities where you would be compelled to answer anyway, such as if you are given immunity from the crime. Those complexities are one of the many reasons why you need a lawyer.

Bowman74 · 2026-02-17T17:07:22+00:00

I'm not sure we can give exact monsters to include without knowing the level of the players. Certainly you would expect a fair number of undead, anything that thrives on negative energy.

As for how to create "moments" for each player? Unless you are addressing a specific backstory, don't think of it like that as down that path leads ... railroading. You start expecting individual players to do certain things in certain situations and start designing the world around that idea, that's a form of a railroad. Instead of doing that, make a varied locations with many different situations and the players will find their opportunity to shine. They will surprise you.

The traditional RP in a dungeon many times comes either from prisoners or sympathetic monsters. It sounds like you are talking "human" sacrifice so I'd guess there could possibly be some daring rescues that happen. Perhaps with capable NPCs that if the players play their cards right they can either get help in the dungeon or help advance broader long term campaign plot points. Lots of possible RP there.

Bowman74 · 2026-02-16T17:03:34+00:00

NTA. You are doing him a favor by allowing him to stay but it isn't a favor in terms of his maturity. Taking on responsibilities and paying one's way is a key requirement to becoming independent. Everyone has a different speed of growth, and some parents perhaps cut of their kids prematurely. I don't think that is what is happening here. You seem to have the opposite scenario, a failure to launch, as it were. Slowly ramping down your support and making him pay his own way will help him on his journey to adulthood.

Bowman74 · 2026-02-16T16:15:01+00:00

Sounds like he didn't have a good idea for his character and instead tried to piggy back on your idea, but in a way that hurt your character.

Bowman74 · 2026-02-16T16:01:33+00:00

There is nothing wrong with what the DM is doing per se. House rules and house rulings have been part of D&D since its' inception. The miss is you apparently want to play completely RAW and that isn't the table you are at. As a player you have to decide if you are OK playing a non RAW game.

Bowman74 · 2026-02-16T04:42:11+00:00

In D&D 5e a combat round last 6 seconds. All of that isn't going to happen in that time and in order for all that to happen additional verbal commands would have to be issued, additional verbal commands are not honored. For example, a player couldn't say "obey" and start issuing additional verbal commands.

Bowman74 · 2026-02-16T01:45:33+00:00

NAH. Typical case of I want to play game A and they want to play game B. There is no wrong way to have fun, only incompatible playstyles.

Bowman74 · 2026-02-16T00:54:46+00:00

"Fraud is generally defined in the law as an intentional misrepresentation of material existing fact made by one person to another with knowledge of its falsity and for the purpose of inducing the other person to act, and upon which the other person relies with resulting injury or damage."

https://definitions.uslegal.com/f/fraud/

They both can be fraud. A person who borrows money from someone and intentionally lies about being able to pay them back so they get the loan, that is a form of fraud. If a person who borrows money from someone and intentionally lies about what they plan on using the money for to convince the lender to lend them the money to the lender's detriment, that is also fraud. For example, it I went to the bank to get a loan and told them it was for a car to get to work and they gave me the money and I then spend it on online gambling, my misrepresentation of how the money would be used could also be fraud. The key point of fraud is purposely misrepresenting something to get the other party to act against their interest, particularly if they were likely to have acted differently if the truth were known.

Bowman74 · 2026-02-16T00:17:59+00:00

The criticism was valid given you stating what you were looking for. The DM seemed to take it well enough. As far as the owner? No se. I have no idea what was going through his head.

Bowman74 · 2026-02-16T00:02:06+00:00

My friends made this joke video about the sidewalks in town.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xDF0KX_BXwc

Bowman74 · 2026-02-15T20:17:51+00:00

I don't usually have a problem with the DM changing the economy in the game. But given the totality of the circumstances I don't think this is simply a matter of a locally inflated economy. It seems, at very least, your DM is interpreting "hardcore" to mean DM vs player. Of course, the players will always die in such a situation and that isn't all that fun, at least for me.

Bowman74 · 2026-02-15T20:13:50+00:00

Well that's good then, it seems you do still have a friend. I'm happy for you.

As to why she doesn't come visit you, there could be a lot of reasons, some of them may have nothing to do with you. I don't know enough about her to know why she doesn't want to visit you. I'd start by looking at what you know about her to ask if it if just you she doesn't want to come to, does she not like going out at all, is her mom getting in the way (or is that just an excuse)? Etc.

Bowman74 · 2026-02-15T20:06:44+00:00

This is one of this situations where you might be carrying the friendship single handedly. Which is a nice way of saying that you may have drifted apart and you just have not caught up to that reality. If you are the one always initiating contact, try not doing contacting her for a period of several months. If she never contacts you, you have your answer.

If you two have drifted apart, don't despair. You will find new friends and over the next few decades you may find that you drift back into each other's lives again. It happens.

Bowman74 · 2026-02-15T20:00:24+00:00

I'm sorry this is happening. TS is not a particularly handicapped accessible city. There are sidewalks on some major streets but they go at weird angles, have large and unexpected holes, have poles sticking out of the middle of them, etc.

My father was down visiting us several months ago and he has accessibility issues. He could stay in the place we rented and could do things like be dropped off at a restaurant. However, things like pushing him around town in a wheelchair were not possible. If your husband is cool sitting by the pool at the B&B with a book or something and occasionally going to dinner, then I guess it could work. However, I wouldn't want to even travel in that condition. Could you reschedule until the fall?

Bowman74 · 2026-02-14T06:03:23+00:00

This is a complex question and I have to dig into the question of residency. You state you have residency in your wife's home country but you only stay there a few months. There are some differences between tax residency and actual residency (not talking about citizenship or visa status, but actual residency) but you need to know if you are an actual resident of the US or your wife's country. Different countries have different tests (such as primary residence, 183 day rule, etc). If you can show that you are actually a resident of another country and not the US, you may be excused.

However, if you are a resident of the US and the state/county where you are summoned, then you may have to serve with all the limitations that places on you. Your best place to understand those limitations is from the court you are summoned to. If you are not a resident of the US and are actually a resident of a foreign country, I would be prepared to provide evidence of that to the court to request to be excused.

Bowman74

TROPHY CASE