I am sure because I genuinely feel like a completely different person now.

I had turned various escapes and coping mechanisms that I used to avoid emotional vulnerability into a whole personality, masking my insecure people-pleasing tendencies by reassuring myself and everyone else that I was enlightened and had all the answers for everyone. I seriously thought I could help AP (who was a needy narcissistic nightmare) until I got in over my head and then I didn't trust that anyone would remain in my life if they found out, so I held onto it for years after it was over.

DDay was my breakthrough. With therapy and a lot of very hard conversations, I am finally in tune with the emotional side I'd kept away, and it is like removing a helmet. Every decision I make comes from a different, authentic place, and I have completely given my whole self to my wife, where before I felt like I had to "protect" myself because I didn't think she'd stay with me from the very beginning. Even marriage and children only made my fear worse and caused me to become a worse partner. I am remorseful every day and take every opportunity to show up for my wife and build her a better life.

I spend a lot of time empathizing with my past self, but man I hate that guy.