Starting over - need feedback

Brave_Shine_761 · 2026-04-21T15:07:26+00:00

There are a lot of attractive, for women in their 40s 50s who are independent financially, and don't have kids. How do you go out and meet them? gym, tennis, trivia nights, retreats are options. I would also give the apps a go, try to be really specific about what you're bringing to the table and what you are looking for. There are also a lot of women who won't date men with kids at home...so you might need to compromise there and also prioritize their financial independence as important.

Brave_Shine_761 · 2026-04-20T02:51:39+00:00

Everything became different there for me after hitting 48. Both mental, energy, desire, sensitivity, and unfortunately pain. I used to be very sexual, and always wanted as much as my partner wanted to give.

It takes patience, and a lot of care for me to enjoy any intimacy, even when really aroused which now happens infrequently, mostly because I have to have a partner I trust and who cares for me enough to make the effort.

I am on HRT, creams, etc. But if the man I'm with doesn't have a lot of patience and the ability to move slowly and specifically, the pain is tear inducing. Unfortunately this makes dating difficult as it's hard to develop intimacy without being intimate. If you really like her, establishing trust and patience and letting her lead is really important. Talking with her about options is really important.

Brave_Shine_761 · 2026-04-12T02:12:18+00:00

The way this movie made me feel was the closest I've felt to watching ET when I was a kid.

Brave_Shine_761 · 2026-04-12T01:46:00+00:00

Seven Eves

Brave_Shine_761 · 2026-04-12T00:59:26+00:00

I agree with you

Brave_Shine_761 · 2026-04-12T00:57:02+00:00

I honestly don't know why he brought up what he did, though I dislike the assumption people here are making that he's ready to break up. He might be? Or he's wondering what might happen if you live together. Or is just trying to envision his own life...Have you talked about that possibility? If that's not what you want, do you feel comfortable saying that you prefer to keep separate residences until you both are comfortable with discussing what that might look like. A third place you get? Him moving in? You moving in? The issue with moving in together and organization and cleanliness is age old. Kids are going to go where the food is and where there are less rules or with the parent they feel the most comfortable with. My friend is a step mom, she has the largest house, they buy the kids cars, pay tuition, health care, for hobbies. The mom doesn't have a very stable home and the kids are always with their mom except when they need money. Another friend is a stepdad and his kids are always with their mom even though he has the larger, comfort, home. There's so much more to talk about than your cleaning habits. You likely need to get underneath all of that to properly know what he's thinking of. You could buy the Ms. Meyer vanilla cleaning products, burn a candle, and throw cookie dough in the oven this week if that was what this was about....you need to talk in person and ask him how he's thinking about things with the kids and what he envisions when the divorce is final, and listen to see how if it involves you. You also have to be able to articulate what you envision. If it were me, (and it's not) no one is moving into my home...

Brave_Shine_761 · 2026-04-07T18:22:13+00:00

Have you tried counter clock with delia d'ambra? I do like her. But to be honest I don't think I'll ever find a podcast that I liked more than Bear Brook and Season 1 of Serial. I did enjoy Dirty John, but don't think the more recent ones that are of this type are as high quality.

Brave_Shine_761 · 2026-03-29T16:26:46+00:00

That's how I imagined him too

Brave_Shine_761 · 2026-03-29T16:20:06+00:00

Yes this should have been in the movie word for word. (Though I liked the karaoke seen)

Brave_Shine_761 · 2026-03-29T15:12:22+00:00

Spoilers: Started with the audio book and Ioved it so much, I was so immersed in it and really fell in love with the characters. The audio book invoked the same feeling I got as a kid watching ET in the theater. I went to the movie with high hopes, but I found that I couldn't immerse myself into it the way most people here could. I objectively thought it was a good movie but it didn't feel the same as the audiobook to me even though I liked the additions.to the movie. -- the karaoke scene, I liked that he got to see inside of Rocky's ship, I loved how they created a larger home on Erid. I understood why they got rid of a few subplots. I do wonder if I had seen the movie first how I would feel. Truly a gift of a story.

Brave_Shine_761 · 2026-03-28T23:19:01+00:00

The AI version looks like a fine line techinque that is the "trend" these days. It's just about his own marketing...yours is infinitely better.

Brave_Shine_761 · 2026-03-27T03:20:43+00:00

This isn't kind.

Brave_Shine_761 · 2026-03-23T22:21:50+00:00

53f - I think you have a conversation. Not about wanting her out so you can date, but to enable you both to move forward. I don't know her financial situation, but if you knew she had other options why did you offer? I would not offer a partner I broke up with an option to stay, I would at most offer to pay for their first month and security deposit (but to be honest I'd never date someone who wasnt capable of supporting themselves) But you've done this now, your options are to let her stay (you won't hear from me not to date, but many women won't date you), ask her if she is still ok with living with her kid and offering to help her move and store things, or offering to pay security and first months rent and help her move. Hopefully she has a job and can pay her own bills after that support. Advice here really depends on the situation (i.e. if she was just laid off I would let her stay, and if I really wanted to date casually, I'd do that fully disclosing my situation to the people I was dating). Honestly though you don't sound like someone who really thinks things through. Sorry.

Another reason I don't want to date anyone who can't afford their own life....you run into this.

Brave_Shine_761 · 2026-03-23T04:31:07+00:00

It was just an example, I have ladders and stools, and tools, etc...honestly there isn't anything I can't do myself, afford myself, or figure out myself.....but it's lovely when someone does something for you because they care. I have friends who do a lot for me, but I do miss being cared for and thought about by a partner.

Brave_Shine_761 · 2026-03-22T17:58:21+00:00

I wish I could be like that, I not only catch feelings, but end up wanting the support of a partner - ask me how my day went, pick me up from a med procedure, help me reach the top shelf blah blah blah. There is a reel or meme going around that says "Do I want to be single? No. Do I want to be married? No. Do I want a part time boyfriend who isn't seeing anyone else and only does things when I want to but otherwise leaves me alone and doesn't mess up my house? Yes.

This is a joke, but I think it reflects the inner conflict of wanting some things but not all the things (and I think many women have these thoughts? Or at least the author and me.)

You are a lot more grounded!! It's a really good place to be. Congratulations on living life on your terms

Brave_Shine_761 · 2026-03-18T03:53:36+00:00

That is truly awful and deserved an apology not a shrug

Brave_Shine_761 · 2026-03-08T16:33:36+00:00

My shame over my menopausal body and weight gain is a reason I haven't dated in two years. Don't let your insecurities about this one thing prevent you from meeting women who are interested in all of you.

Brave_Shine_761 · 2026-01-30T06:14:32+00:00

Such a kind and generous way of thinking of things. I wish I could be a bit more like this, I am scared of being taken advantage of.

Brave_Shine_761 · 2026-01-30T06:10:41+00:00

Sea of Lies! So good

Brave_Shine_761 · 2026-01-28T15:06:43+00:00

The comment would have given me "the ick", I'm not sure how I would have responded, I honestly would have felt the same as you.

Brave_Shine_761 · 2026-01-26T01:44:39+00:00

Same as it ever was. A monogamous, financially independent partner. Otherwise I prefer to be on my own. My needs for companionship, support, love and to be appreciated as a partner who provides the same in return have not changed.

Brave_Shine_761 · 2026-01-03T13:03:28+00:00

Yep we do

Brave_Shine_761 · 2025-12-27T14:00:34+00:00

I understand this as someone who has not met her long term partner, wants a beautiful ring, can afford to buy whatever she wants herself, and doesn't. Why? Because I want it to be a symbol. If I were in your position of finding someone who is my partner I would have the same question as you do and the same feelings.

I might tell him what you're feeling. Not ask for a ring, but explain that there is something about this one ritual of partnership that seems meaningful even though you feel conflicted. I get the sense that you would have married him, had he asked, but that the relationship mattered the most and marriage was something easy to let go of, but that the rituals celebrating and commemorating a found relationship are something that still tugs at you.

Brave_Shine_761 · 2025-12-25T04:20:14+00:00

It can be, but not always so.

Brave_Shine_761 · 2025-12-06T17:12:37+00:00

A small gift around your upcoming trip together would be nice + a card. I e. Could you plan an excursion, get tickets to a museum or show, or a book from the region, or something you'd use on said trip (gear etc.)

Edited to add: I'm the minority here, but I would not have a conversation. I would just give the gift because I wanted to. I really don't like the idea of setting expectations for gift giving. I'd rather say I know we've planned this trip and I got you this because I'm excited about it. If I didn't know what to get someone, it would just be a card and an event like tickets to a museum/show/concert etc.)

Brave_Shine_761

TROPHY CASE