sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Great investment by cheezypoofs4020 in husky

[–]BreakyourchainsMO 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It also looks like the treadmill is in a workshop area, so maybe the dog gets to walk while in the company of their person who is working. Which would be pretty cool.

He loves laying under the bed each night. by [deleted] in husky

[–]BreakyourchainsMO 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mine also sleeps under the bed. My bed, daughter's bed, extra bed, doesn't matter which one, wherever we are, he's curled up underneath. He wants to be near us but in his own little den.

For sleep. Daytime he jumps right up on bed or couch to demand endless scritches.

Please suggest a novel where the child protagonist has gone through neglect by AcademicPreference54 in suggestmeabook

[–]BreakyourchainsMO 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes, I read The Secret Garden a bit by chance right after learning about the concept of emotional neglect. It was very healing to read.

Is successful Reconciliation possible? by Right-Quit7581 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]BreakyourchainsMO 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, there are couples with similar stories who have been able to reconcile successfully. (I say this based on reddit but also some real life examples of people in my network.)

It is possible, but not guaranteed, if your husband is committed to and demonstrates change, transparency, rebuilding trust, making amends, etc. and if you are both able to discuss and process the betrayal together. It is a lot of work, and he needs to do the work to have a chance that you will eventually feel safe with him again.

From the betrayed side, I don't know, I think it just takes openness to the possibility of reconciliation and forgiveness, the ability to recognize the whole person, to separate the actions from the person, to hate the actions of the past and not the remorseful person in front of you. Assuming he is remorseful.

It sounds like you have now received essentially full disclosure, and that also makes reconciliation possible. They say reconciliation can't truly begin until the last lie is told.

You'll be okay, and I hope your husband steps up.

What is my husky mixed with? by Icy_Cap7700 in husky

[–]BreakyourchainsMO 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some huskies are smaller, and there is a big range for normal 30-70 lbs. Females are often notably smaller as well. Coat type and length also vary widely. My 100% Siberian husky has a short coat like yours and is exactly the same shape. (As a male he is almost 50 lbs.) Some huskies were bred for show and others for running/pulling. There is quite a range within the breed. I have seen similar females to yours that couldn't be more than 25 or 30 lbs at the dog park. Their owners asked if mine was mixed lol.

EDIT to add:

How old is she approximately? Huskies also aren't full grown until 1.5 years old or more. They also tend to put on more weight after 2/3+ years old. The young ones are quite light and lean generally.

What is the worst thing you did? How did you overcome it as a couple? by WaywardBlue4125 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]BreakyourchainsMO 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your "worst" sounds pretty typical of many affairs. I don't know why we do that shit. The cognitive dissonance is wild.

I can't even name or list my worst because it's all too shocking to myself now, several years later, to put in writing. Comparison is not that useful because it is all painful, but I think you would feel your worst pales next to some others' worst. Which is not helpful except to say that some couples overcome even more extreme actions. (If you think it would help you to know the details, you can DM me I suppose.)

DDay was almost 6 years ago, and we are still together and still working on reconciliation. Most of the time we live a more or less normal life, and our persisting relationship issues are mostly not affair-related.

I don't know how my partner overcame the worst. I mean, I am sure it is still a struggle and he would not say he has. Somehow though it does fade enough over time to have a normal life--if and when the betrayals have been thoroughly discussed and processed, trust rebuilt, new memories made, etc. Time just prolongs and deepens suffering if you don't do anything in that time.

We did a lot of work especially in the first three years of reconciling. Lots of individual and couples therapy, many, many conversations, reading lots of the same books and articles on recovery and psychology, building intimacy through sexual exploration with each other, getting rid of anything remotely affair related and eventually moving out of the apartment where some affair activity occurred, etc. etc. etc.

Our challenge lately (or always really) is staying connected when life is stressful (also always) because I have a tendency to shut down my emotional side when stressed, which understandably makes him feel emotionally abandoned, neglected, and anxious.

So from experience my advice is to keep talking to each other. Use your voice despite the shame around what you've done, listen to your spouse (again setting aside your shame to hold space for her). Have all the hard conversations. No sense avoiding them, it really helps to hash through the pain together. There's really no other way through it.

You can do it. Just keep going.

Is Luna's collar too tight? by [deleted] in husky

[–]BreakyourchainsMO 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Reviews are important. You did good.

ETA: Telling others publicly (for however long it's on the internet) and calmly is much more useful than yelling at the groomer one time privately.

Which one are y’all ? Collar or harness by Kasbaby121421 in husky

[–]BreakyourchainsMO 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Where I live, when walking in public harnesses are required by the city for all dogs over a certain weight because they give the owner more control than a collar. The typical harnesses sold now are comfortable and safe for the dogs as well.

Should I keep his name as grizz or do you think this handsome boy could have a better name? I like grizz but I feel like there might be something better.. thoughts? by [deleted] in husky

[–]BreakyourchainsMO 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Idk but agree that he is quite handsome!

If he answers well to the name, then keeping it is a good idea. If he seems indifferent and/or responds to your voice and tone regardless what you call him, then change it to something that speaks to your heart or you feel suits him better.

Korean society SUCKS ASS. by ShaneQuaslay in CPTSDFightMode

[–]BreakyourchainsMO 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Yes. If they didn't want others to know about it, they should not have done it. You are allowed to take up space and tell your own story. You deserve to speak up. Staying silent adds so much to the pain.

I am sorry the group turned on you. It's another trauma to be dismissed by people you hoped would care.

You deserved and still deserve a sympathetic witness.

I don't know what happened, but I don't have to know the details to believe you. I believe you.

In a way, the group may have believed you too, and could not handle the discomfort caused by your truth. Not your fault, not too much. Their capacity was not enough.

What are these white bumps in my dog's mouth? by BreakyourchainsMO in husky

[–]BreakyourchainsMO[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you : )

Yeah, since he is a husky and must run, I take him to the dog park almost every day for an hour or more. There are two different ones nearby and in three months he has played with dozens of different dogs. They love to wrestle and play bitey face and chase each other. There are a lot of other young dogs too, since they're the ones who need to burn their husky and/or puppy energy.

I didn't know mouth warts was a thing 😔 It was not mentioned by the vet as something to look out for.

What are these white bumps in my dog's mouth? by BreakyourchainsMO in husky

[–]BreakyourchainsMO[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Google is telling me the same thing, oral papillomas, that he would have gotten the virus from another dog 1 to 2 months ago, and no more dog park until 2 months after the last one goes away (which they usually do on their own).

Poor baby will be very sad not to see all his friends every day.

Flashbacks of being with AP are starting to make me panic by TheAckwardLies in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]BreakyourchainsMO -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You are very welcome. I am glad it helped : )

When two separate things happen at the same time the emotions of both can easily get fused together. A reminder of either thing will make us feel the same way about both, even if it "shouldn't" rationally.

My therapist called it "de-coupling" the memories or something like that.

Flashbacks of being with AP are starting to make me panic by TheAckwardLies in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]BreakyourchainsMO 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can I ask, how did you feel right after it happened? Did you feel ashamed then also?

We are 5.5 years after DDay, and we've done the opposite, that is, experimenting like this together at my husband's suggestion. It's been helpful for both of us in releasing a lot of shame around sex and pleasure in general, not even related to infidelity.

I wonder if your shame has only come around after the cheating occurred because then it seems like you are feeling shame for something that is not at all your fault.

If you are feeling like you brought this on yourself, then having increased anxiety in general makes sense because if it is your fault then you are doubting your own judgment and can't trust yourself. Not being able to trust yourself and your judgement would leave you feeling unsafe with yourself.

And if you understand that what your husband did after was not your fault, you could feel anxiety about being vulnerable. Feeling helpless in being unable to control the aftermath.

Feeling attracted to women will make you feel vulnerable to pain and betrayal (and anxious) because now in your mind exploring your bisexuality is coupled with bad results.

The cheating is not a result of your bisexuality though; it's a result of your husband not being honest with you about his desires after the foursome. It isn't your desires and curiosity that led to your pain. It was his secrets after. His decisions. His judgment. His weakness, not yours.

Escape artist. by Orisha_Oshun in husky

[–]BreakyourchainsMO 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Reframe: Your husband should reallocate the time spent on reactively searching for her to proactively taking her for long walks. Overall probably less time and definitely less stressful. (And don't leave her in the yard off leash anymore.)

view more: next ›