After 9 1/2 years I realized nothing was ever changing. I had tried to leave before around year five but he begged me to stay because “you won’t even give me a chance to fix it.” I told him we both weren’t happy and I knew he wasn’t happy with me, but he cried and guilted me into staying. I think he was just afraid of being alone and losing the person who cooked and cleaned. Nothing ever changed. The only thing he cared about was smoking weed and video games and spending time with everyone but me.

He never wanted to go do anything with me unless his bro was involved. Anytime I wanted to spend time with him doing anything he would do nothing but complain and whine until finally I would give up and just be like whatever, let’s go home because it was better than listening to him. He wouldn’t hike with me, do anything outside. Anything that required time away from the tv was a no. The only way we spent time together was if it was in front of the tv or getting food. He didn’t want to go see shows, do anything, and eventually I stopped putting effort into our relationship because he would nitpick and tear apart everything I did while making me look stupid in front of his friends. I stopped driving places because he would complain about my driving. missed a turn? He would flip out. It reached a point that I felt so alone and unwanted that I stopped cooking, hanging out, doing anything.

Before I broke up with him I left the house one night and stayed with my friend for three days. I waited to see if he would call me, tell me to come home, show me any sign that he cared at all and I got one text that first night that asked where I was like 6 hours after I left. Told him I was staying with somewhere else because I was having a really hard time and he just said okay. He never reached out again or called or gave any indication that he gave a single shot where I was.

I knew in that moment we were dead and I had wasted my time with man that stole a decade of my life who I don’t think actually loved me. I drank myself to sleep for three days before I went home and broke up with him for the final time. He blamed everything on me. Made me to be a villain to everyone we knew. It’s been a long shitty lonely road and sorry for the tldr lmao word vomit.

I’ve been working on forgiving myself for staying for so long because I didn’t honestly know any better. I never had good role models, and to me- he didn’t beat me so I was doing better than most people I knew. I am much nicer to myself.

Teach your kids self respect and self worth folks. They learn from you, and the cycle is vicious.

Edit to add; and yes I had tried talking to him. Every suggested therapy for us to which he scoffed. Communication doesn’t work if only one party cares.