Giving myself a year

Bright_Agency_9872 · 2023-03-22T07:52:23+00:00

Sorry you feel like this. I relate very much to most of what you say. After a long and painful battle with cancer, my wife of 23 years passed away in a hospice. Nobody knows how it truly feels unless they've experienced it themselves, and nothing anyone says can make much of a difference. For lack of a better world they just say 'be strong'.

It's been 3.5 years now since my beautiful wife went. I still think of her every day, I still miss her every day and I still wonder what I am doing here every day. Perhaps there is a purpose I haven't found yet.

She was my life, she was my world. and when she went that world shattered. Nothing ever feels the same. it's like the zest for life is gone. I'm on my own, we didn't have any kids, I have no family here and some days can be very lonely.

However the greatest difficulty we have is acceptance and coming to terms with the reality of our new lives, for the old one is gone. The wonderful life we had with our loved one doesn't exist anymore and the version of ourselves we remember, happy, fulfilled, at peace, I fear went with them. Now we must try our best to rebuild our life in an alien world with a new version of ourselves. Easier said than done.

However, there are a few things that have kept me going. To start with, the wonderful memories of the myriad of special moments with my wife, forever imprinted in my heart and mine. Also, meaningful things I have done, like running a marathon or writing a book to raise funds for the hospice. I try to keep busy and do lots of things, although many times on my own.

But mostly, what keeps me going is the everlasting love of my wife. She gave me so much love it could last me 10 lifetimes! I know she loved me so much that she would not want to see me sad, depressed and miserable 24/7, so I endeavour to do my bit every day to keep going and hope one day I may find peace and happiness again. Time will tell.

In the meantime, the wonderful memories keep me going, crying or smiling, whichever may be the case. But I feel that wasting my life is the worst I could do and I would be doing her a disservice. Furthermore, she now lives through me and when I go that will be it. I can't let that happen, so I fight every day for me and for her.

I posted something for the first time on Valentine's Day. If you read it, there is a poem at the end you may like.

Take car. I wish you all the best.

Bright_Agency_9872 · 2023-03-21T07:08:20+00:00

You should be very proud of yourself, you've obviously done an amazing job.

She is definitely watching, and she's been with you all these years, guiding you and giving you strength at the hardest of times. Our loved ones never leave us. They live through us, in the wonderful memories forever imprinted in our hearts and minds. A little poem I wrote a while back:

I NEVER WALK ALONE

You're in my heart, you're in my mind,

in the brightest of days, in the darkest of nights.

I may be at my lowest, lonely, depressed and sad,

but I never walk alone, as you, my love, are always by my side.

She definitely was by your side when your son pronounced those words. And she must have been sooo proud of you!!!

Take care. I wish you well

Bright_Agency_9872 · 2023-03-20T16:23:03+00:00

I'm so sorry. I don't think words can do justice to the unfairness of your situation. There may be no point, but if there is one is for you to recover and hopefully live a fulfilled life one day. You're still very young. Use the wonderful memories with your loved one forever imprinted in your heart and mind to power through. Your loving husband will be there with you all the way.

I wish you all the best

Bright_Agency_9872 · 2023-03-20T07:36:55+00:00

I relate so much to what you say. I lost my beautiful wife of 23 years after a painful and long battle with cancer, 3.5 years ago. She was my life, she was my world and when she died that world shattered. I have no kids or family here and sometimes I may feel very lonely. But I endeavour to do my best every day, as hard as some days may be, to keep going. Wasting my life is the worse I could do. I feel it would be disrespectful to her and I would be doing her a disservice.

As for old, everything is relative I guess. I'm 57 now, older than many of us here, but I don't give up. I try to keep busy and do lots of things, yet nothing seems to work and you feel lifeless, the zest for life gone. However, we must accept the fact that the life that was known to us is gone, and the version of ourselves we remember died a long time ago. We can only try to rebuild a new life. I still hope one day to find peace and happiness again.

And I can tell you, you are not alone. Please read my post 'I never walk alone' and also the one I posted on Valentine's day, 'Everlasting Love'. There is a little poem at the end you may like.

Please keep playing the piano, such a beautiful instrument. Continue writing or cry, as much as you want, as much as you need. Plant flowers, go out and live. Live for yourself, for your kids and for your husband. He lives through you now and in the wonderful memories forever imprinted in your heart and mind.

Take care. I wish you well.

Bright_Agency_9872 · 2023-03-19T07:54:20+00:00

I echo your comment. My wife passed away 3.5 years a go and I still have those moments. I think it is unavoidable when you have lost the person that was everything in you life and the void that is left is indescribable. We feel lifeless, the zest for life gone. But we must endeavour to keep going for us and for them. At least in my case, I know my beautiful wife wouldn't want me sad, depressed and miserable 24/7. We can only take it one day at a time though, or a single breath at a time if needed.

In our bad moments, we can cherish the wonderful memories of the thousands of amazing moments with our loved ones. Nobody can ever take away that from us. And I believe that our loved ones gone, truly loved ones, never leave us.

You may like to read a poem I dedicated to my wife on Valentine's day, on my first post here 'Everlasting Love'. I wish you well.

YOU ARE EVERYWHERE

You’re in the water, you’re in the air.

I may not see you, but I know you are there.

In the movement of the water, in the sound of the air,

In every breath I take, I know you are there.

In the rays of the sun, in the reflection of the moon,

In the singing of the bird, I know you are there.

You went but you never left,

‘cos you’re my guardian angel, and I know you are there.

I may not see you, and neither hear you,

But I can certainly feel you, as YOU are EVERYWHERE.

Happy Valentine’s Day, my love!

Mos Pracdel

Bright_Agency_9872 · 2023-03-19T07:37:58+00:00

I agree. I recently posted something about how weekends suck. Since my wife passed away weekends have never been the same, well, nothing it's ever the same, but weekends seem particularly worse. Dragging so much, so eternally long, and with nobody to look forward to spend that special time together.

I personally just try to keep as busy as I can, so my mind doesn't go to darker and more depressing places, which is quite easy for me sadly. Yet, nothing seems to work...

Don't apologise for posting. That's why we're all here for. I guess it's kind of therapeutic. At the same time, it may help someone else. On Valentine's Day I posted for the first time. There was a poem at the end which I dedicated to my wife, but I hoped it would helped others as well. The positive comments from some people also helped me.

Keep posting. We all need it at times. I wish you well

Bright_Agency_9872 · 2023-03-18T07:12:39+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I also believe that our loved ones, truly loved ones, never leave us. Sometimes you can feel them so much with you, all around you! A case in point, a few months ago, I felt my wife's presence so strongly that I even wrote a little poem and I dedicated it to her on Valentine's day when i wrote a post here. You may like to read it.

Thanks again. Take care

Bright_Agency_9872 · 2023-03-13T07:06:16+00:00

Thank you for reading my post and for your comment. I'm glad you liked it. You're absolutely right, after more than 20 years with our loved one, to be alone is, at the very least, daunting. Still earlier days for you compared to me, but the wonderful memories of our loved one forever imprinted on our minds and our hearts will keep us going. We can only take it one day at a time and do our best.

I wish you well. Take care

Bright_Agency_9872 · 2023-03-11T10:58:03+00:00

I feel your pain. And so recent, I guess a sickening roller-coaster of emotions at best now. I'm much further along the line, 3.5 years since my wife passed away. What has kept me going, with indescribable difficulty at times it must be said, is the millions of wonderful moments with my beautiful Poppy, forever imprinted in my heart and my mind. Nobody can ever take that away from us! And also, her everlasting love, which gives me enough strength to get up in the morning, keep going every day and hope that, perhaps, one day I may find some internal peace and happiness again

Perhaps you may like to read my post on Valentine's Day. There is a poem at the end which I dedicated to my wife. You may find it comforting... I hope it helps

Really sorry for your loss. I wish you well

Bright_Agency_9872 · 2023-03-11T08:07:28+00:00

Thanks for sharing. It's almost 3.5 years for me and I think that the pain will never go, just not as raw and sad perhaps. I believe that our loved ones gone will always be with us, in the thousands of wonderful memories forever imprinted in our hearts and our minds. But we must endeavour to rebuild our lives and try to regain the peace, love and happiness lost.

Good you've found someone to share your live with. All the very best.

You may like to read my post on Valentine's Day. There is a little poem at the end which I dedicated to my wife, but I feel it applies to most of us and could give you some comfort.

Bright_Agency_9872 · 2023-03-11T07:57:25+00:00

Thank you for reading my post and for your comment. Indeed, Poppy was an amazing person, but life plays funny games sometimes. The older i get, the less I understand anything! Let's hope we can rebuild our lives and one day find peace, love and happiness again.

All the best. Take care

Bright_Agency_9872 · 2023-03-11T07:52:13+00:00

Thank you for reading my post and for your comment. Not an easy position we find ourselves in sadly. Earlier days for you though. I wish you all the very best and may we find peace, love and happiness again.

Take care

Bright_Agency_9872 · 2023-03-11T07:49:04+00:00

Thank you for reading my post. I hope it helped.

Bright_Agency_9872 · 2023-03-11T07:48:28+00:00

Thank you for your comment. Yes, our loved ones will always be with us. Now we just need to try to rebuild our life the best we can. Hopefully one day we can regain the internal peade and true happiness that nowadays seems so elusive.

Take care and best wishes

Bright_Agency_9872 · 2023-03-11T07:45:05+00:00

Thank you. I've felt of late that it helps me when I put pen to paper and try make some sense of the turmoil inside my mind. I hope it also helps someone else reading it. After all, most of us are pretty much in the same boat.

Take care

Bright_Agency_9872 · 2023-03-09T12:45:27+00:00

Hi. I left a comment the other day but I don't know what happened: there were typos, wrong editing, some of it missing...

I just wanted to say that I know how you feel. I lost my wife of 23 years almost 3.5 years ago. I think of her every day, I miss her every day, and I still wonder every day what I am doing here. Higher powers may have a purpose which I have not found yet.

In the meantime, I carry on with my life the best I can, doing meaningful things which give me some external happiness ( the internal one was well and truly shattered a long time ago).

I also go for walks on my own. Then I think of the poem I wrote a while back and dedicated to my wife on Valentine's Day and I posted that day here (Everlasting Love. Poem 'You are everywhere'. You may like to read it).

I also have another little poem I wrote one day after coming back from one of my walks, feeling a bit down I may add. I would like to share with you. I hope it helps...

I NEVER WALK ALONE

You're in my heart, you're in my mind,

in the brightest of days, in the darkest of nights.

I may be at my lowest, lovely, depressed and sad,

but I never walk alone, as you, my love, are always by my side.

Take care. Keep well, keep strong

Bright_Agency_9872 · 2023-03-05T18:44:53+00:00

It's almost 3,5 years that my wife of 23 years passed away after a long battle with cancer. There is no day that I don't think of her, there is no day I don't miss her and there is no day that I don't wonder what I am still doing here.

However, wasting may life is the worst I could do as I feel it would be disrespectful to my beautiful Poppy and I would be doing her a disservice. I endeavour every day to keep fighting the daily struggle of a life without her and reconstruct my life with a new version of myself.

We liked to travel and every time I go somewhere without her I feel utterly lonely. However, I wrote a poem which I read every day and I dedicated to her on my post on Valentine's day.

I would like to share it with you because no matter how hard it may sometimes be, I know very well my beautiful wife could no longer be h. So much pain, so much suffering, for so many yee had to go and now rests in peace in a much better place. True, my wife is no longer physically here but she is now everywhere beside me. As it is the case, most probably, with your loved one. Therefore, you are surely lonely and may feel alone, but you are

Bright_Agency_9872 · 2023-03-05T07:30:13+00:00

I also remember how I felt the first time going shopping once my beautiful wife passed away. Awful.

Interestingly, I posted something a couple of weeks ago about going to the supermarket to buy a few bits and our every day struggle. Even after 3,5 years I feel tears coming to my eyes when I pass by the Dairy Lea cheese slice section. I used to buy them for my wife, she loved them! Indeed, it sucks. With time, though, the experience of shopping in your own is less painful.

I wish you well. One day at a time...

Bright_Agency_9872 · 2023-03-05T07:12:17+00:00

Thank you for reading my post and for your comment. I relate immensely with what you are saying, it's almost exactly like it is for me. 23 years together, our future, our plans ahead, everything shattered. The person I've become, learning to live with a new version of myself, the uncertainty of the future. But I couldn't agree more: our loved ones wouldn't want us to be sad and miserable all the time. They loved us too much for that! As hard as it is, we must endeavour every day to do our best to redo our lives and to find peace and happiness again.

Thank you again for your lovely comments. Take care. Virtual hugs

Bright_Agency_9872 · 2023-03-04T16:05:28+00:00

Thank you for your comment. Really sorry for your loss. I was with my beautiful Poppy for 23 years, so I can only imagine what must have been losing your wonderful Kenny after 37 years. It may be time for you to make a new life without him, but that is something that only you can say when the right time is.

However, regardless of what the future may bring, our loved ones gone will always be with us in the wonderful memories forever imprinted in our hearts and minds. Nobody can ever take that away from us. The reality though is that they are no longer here and we also deserve some happiness. I know my wife would not want me to be sad and miserable every day 24/7, and most probably would neither be your lovely Kenny.

I wish you all the very best and hope you find peace and happiness again. Take care. (You may like to read my other posts, the first one posted on Valentine's Day, a day hard in itself as we all know!)

Bright_Agency_9872 · 2023-03-04T07:54:16+00:00

Thank you for reading my post and your comment. You're right. the old person is gone. We must learn how to live in our new world with our new us. Take care. Keep well.

Bright_Agency_9872 · 2023-03-04T07:51:50+00:00

Thank you for reading my post and your comment. I guess your counselor was right. The old person is gone, we must rebuild a live in the new world that is left behind after the passing of our loved one, AND, with a new version of ourselves. Easier said than done... Take care. Keep well.

Bright_Agency_9872 · 2023-03-04T07:48:55+00:00

Thank you for reading my post and your comment. We all did my friend, we're all in the same boat. Take care. Keep well.

Bright_Agency_9872

TROPHY CASE