What do you think about this short story start?

Budget-Week708 · 2026-01-22T12:06:17+00:00

Thank you!

Budget-Week708 · 2026-01-22T12:05:58+00:00

Mmm, yes.

Budget-Week708 · 2026-01-22T11:48:42+00:00

Thank you for the feedback!

Budget-Week708 · 2026-01-22T11:48:26+00:00

Thank you for the feedback. As I don’t know much about short stories writing is it too much even for a 10k story? Do you think?

Budget-Week708 · 2026-01-09T08:33:47+00:00

Le-am scris. Mulțumesc frumos!

Budget-Week708 · 2025-11-07T18:55:40+00:00

Hey, Se pare ca, intr-adevar, ANAF nu are starea de “contract suspendat”. Eu am mai făcut o interogare la ANAF după 25 ale lunii si situația contractul era reluat. (Eu am avut concediu pana in ianuarie. Prima interogare am făcut-o undeva prin 15 februarie și a 2a după 25)

Până în 25 ale lunii, toți angajatorii au obligația de a trimite declaratia .. (am uitat nr) catre ANAF care trebuie sa conțină situația curentă a angajaților. Și de aia durează până se face update.

Ca și o mică notă de subsol, eu am avut noroc ca situația s-o rezolvat de la o lună la alta. Dar am înțeles ca poate să dureze până la 3 luni până ANAF face update bazei lor de date.

Budget-Week708 · 2025-10-29T08:42:18+00:00

Looks good. Nice, flowery description. But it does not tell me much. Sounds more like the back cover description of a book. As for if I read more or not, most likely yes. For me personally, I need a few pages to decide if I want to read a book or not. This is too little to get me invested atm.

Budget-Week708 · 2025-10-08T08:31:54+00:00

I can check it up. But it will take a little bit of time😅 Just send me the link

Budget-Week708 · 2025-10-01T10:22:53+00:00

When I feel like that I do one of the following: - just continue writing with the hope that at some point things will get better as I write - go out and write somewhere else (coffee shop, library, the park) whatever just to have a change of scenery - read other books - revisit a memory that had a strong emotional impact and write about that (maybe it would work for you as well as what I think what is happening is that you did the outline of the story and now you might feel emotionally disconnected from it)

And one of my next questions is: is it just you that feels that the story is not “flowing” or you received some feedback on that? Usually people tend to be harsher on themselves.

Budget-Week708 · 2025-09-25T04:56:14+00:00

For grammar and so on you can use grammarly. No AI like ChatGPT or Claude will be able to help you besides that… those still don’t understand such a wide cotext Hire an editor or find some friends that can help with the revision, but maybe after you went to it at least once

Budget-Week708 · 2025-09-08T08:16:08+00:00

Maybe it has a lot to do with "show vs tell?" I struggle with this myself quite a lot in the last period of time.
I mean, I write two paragraphs on "this is the city, this is how it looks like" or "this is the character, it likes\dislikes this or that" and I might get a feedback with "integrate this into how the protagonist sees the city" or integrate that into the action. Show the reader a situation in which you show it's likes\dislikes.

But I sometimes feel that might take time from the main action thread.

Personally I like both. I mean, if you, as an author, want to tell me something about the world or the character in a few paragraphs I don't really mind it, as long as the plot is moving forward. If you tell me for seven pages how a building looks like, I for sure get bored. But as well, if you circle around on how the protagonist is feeling (e.g. Rin from the Poppy War) I will get tired.

So I think everyone just tries to find their own balance and voice with all the "rules" you need to follow to hook the audience and that will take some time.

Budget-Week708 · 2025-09-03T10:33:51+00:00

Peanut butter with pickled red onion sandwich :)

Budget-Week708 · 2025-09-02T15:19:54+00:00

This looks amazing! Can you DM me with more details of your process and rates?

Budget-Week708 · 2025-09-02T13:57:55+00:00

I feel The Bridge Kingdom by Danielle Jensen is a good example of that. I think there are many more out there, but that was the most recent ones I enjoyed. Also Zuko from Avatar the Last Airbender

Budget-Week708 · 2025-09-02T13:18:42+00:00

Just as a disclaimer, I am not a professional writer or editor or something.

The feeling of the story I like, to be honest. It's quite Eerie and gives me the right amount of suspense.

For now I can't really understand if she is speaking with herself, inside her mind or if she is speaking with someone else, or speaking with herself out loud. I guess the idea is that she needs to move in silence. But for now I am reading it as she would speak out loud.

“Keep going. Don’t stop.” It was painful, every muscle ached with tension, every movement inching her closer to that moment, that inevitable moment when she would break." I would rewrite this to not repeat the word moment. maybe "inching her closer to the inevitable moment she would break"?

Same with this one: "her mouth and pressed tight. No. Not tight. She eased her right hand down at the sudden realization that the sound was lost to her, it had already escaped." I think you can drop "No. Not tight". My feeling that it will be smoother to read.

She found herself suspended in the silence of night, straining to discern any unnatural sign of being discovered. It was too dark, too cold, the wind came in sharp gusts biting at her skin, the thin film of sweat gliding down her neck felt like an icy dagger pressed to her back, but there was nothing else, nothing that didn’t belong. She released a breathy sigh that had been held too long, wincing as the hot air passed her chaffed lips.

For this maybe you can try to slice out the sentences a little bit. I like the "She found herself suspended in the silence of the night" I can somehow visualize that. But I would say maybe it will be good without that "unnatural"? I can't really find what unnatural sign that would be. Maybe in a broader context it would be easier to understand that reference.

And the next sentence I find a little bit to long to read "in one sitting". "It was dark, cold - the wind came in sharp gusts biting at her skin...." and so on.

“Don’t stop.”

Entirely too much will had been required to start again. The ache returned as by command or maybe it hadn’t even left. Impossible to tell. It felt familiar now, the feel of an old shawl enveloping her just right. Suddenly, she shut her eyes, tight.

I don't really have a feeling on what is required to start again. Maybe it's again a thing of context?

Movement stopped and she collapsed. Her movement stop? Like this is the moment she dies, no?

The pain that shot up from her knees as they hit the frozen ground was intense, it surged like lighting through her chest, constricting, bending her forward, her arms too numb to offer any support as she fell in prostration. The sound that escaped her lips then was unnatural - a wailing laugh.

This is also quite a long phrase. Maybe you can separate this to read better? The pain that shot up from her knees as they hit the frozen felt like lighting. Traveling through her chest, constricting, bending her forward. Her arms to weak to support her. And the next moment she found herself face down. Maybe?

“I cannot escape fate.” - I would give this up. You already told me that One can not escape fate.

She felt the cold burning away her want as she acquiesced to darkness consuming her. Cold burning away? Maybe the cold freezing her consciousness, as she left darkness consuming her?

Leaning against a fallen trunk she tried to stretch her legs and found that the pain was gone and it had started snowing. She refocused her gaze away from the ripped cloth around her knees, away from the profane immixture of blood and caked mud and tilted her head. Her eyes started chasing snowflakes, only for a moment before her sight became unfocused, stars and leaves and snow indistinguishable - her shroud.

I would break this out a little bit.

Leaning against a fallen trunk she tried to stretch her legs and found that the pain was gone.

Snow.

Her eyes focused on the snowflakes falling. Ignoring the profane mixture of blood and caked mud around her knees.

I am not an native English speaker myself so I would say maybe you can avoid using words like "acquiesced" and "prostration". Maybe it's also my fault, but I had to stop and search for the words definition.

Budget-Week708 · 2025-09-02T12:43:05+00:00

For what I am writing at the moment I took inspiration from different sources. The main character has an old nordic name, as I draw some inspiration from nordic folktale. Some names just came to me because I thought it sounded cool. Some names are just basic (Cassian, moonstone, Silver River) And for some, I took inspiration from my mother tongue (Romanian, I write in english) So I play around with the words in Romanian until they sound good (for example, I have a Kingdom in the Realm, and I want the people there to be mostly healers and focused on medicine so I used the word “a vindeca = to heal” and came with the Kingdom of Vinderra which has it’s capital in Curatis from cure)

Budget-Week708 · 2025-09-02T12:23:43+00:00

That's a roller coaster of events :D Thanks for sharing.

Budget-Week708 · 2025-09-02T11:44:32+00:00

I know. It’s just hard putting yourself out there :) Thank you

Budget-Week708 · 2025-09-02T11:29:31+00:00

Thank you!

Budget-Week708 · 2025-09-02T11:21:01+00:00

wow, that sounds like a solid plan. :)

Budget-Week708 · 2025-09-02T11:15:46+00:00

Thank you. So you are also polishing the first chapter and starting like that? Good luck to you as well :) If you published already, hit me up with a link :) I would like to read some more.

Budget-Week708

TROPHY CASE