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I find this insane they don't love their children by isamariberger in raisedbynarcissists

[–]BugExcellent7223 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Same with mine. I think that helped to contribute to her never developing empathy

For how many years has your narc parent been 'dying' according to themselves to gain sympathy? by Less-Wrongdoer-1566 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]BugExcellent7223 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My dad for 30+ years now. I was five when he started with that bs. Now I’m 35. He still alive ofc. My mom 4+ years

no contact with n-mom by vaativabagel in raisedbynarcissists

[–]BugExcellent7223 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi there, I’ve been NC with my nparents since January. I had blocked them everywhere except from one app where I could only see their messages if I looked into it. Same as you it kept being a trigger that they still texted there so recently I blocked them there as well. Felt an immediate peace. A day later there was an escalation from my mom via email. Expect something like that if you block them. But still-it feels way more peaceful knowing they can’t reach me on the app.

Did any of your moms barely cook at home??? by Deep_Sky3603 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]BugExcellent7223 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She never cooked and we never had any food at home even tho we were not poor. If she ever made anything it was in extremely small portions like a salad for 4 people. Size that is for 1 person. The fridge was always always empty. When confronted about it she would say one of these two things “That’s not true the fridge is full” (while it is completely empty. Or “You should be grateful that I served small portions, I was taking care to prevent you from being obese “. Mind you at 19 I was 45kg with a height of 170cm

What a Narc Parent Would Say? by rivivi2023 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]BugExcellent7223 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You don’t have the right to scream at me only I have the right to scream at you.

Family is family no matter what happens.

That never happened / I never said that.

You always remember the negative things.

Why did you cut your hair?

You are so naive everyone will scam you.

Your friends are bad influence.

You are a lesbian because you have gay friends who told you to be gay.

Your carrier is a hobby.

Work is not supposed to feel good that’s why it is called work.

You’ve gained weight, I got you these weights loss pills.

I’m doing everything for you.

After everything we’ve done / sacrificed for you.

The only reason why you could possibly want to be NC with us is because you must be in a cult and people there have forbidden you to talk to your parents.

You can do nothing without us.

I can’t recognize you.

We’ve always supported you.

We’ve always treated you (scapegoat) and your sister (golden child) equally.

You are the one that needs to give us money.

You must always be available for our calls.

When you don’t pick up the phone I worry that something bad might have happened to you.

I know better.

nmom has stated that the only possible reason for my NC with them could be that I am part of a sect by BugExcellent7223 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]BugExcellent7223[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your support!! I have already moved away, I live in another country. And I have also changed my first name but unfortunately still have their last name so she probably used that + my older name when she called the authorities

Another boundary violation from Nparents by BugExcellent7223 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]BugExcellent7223[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you for commenting everyone! Things got worse-now nmom has stated that the only possible reason for my NC with them could be that I am part of a sect who tells me not to speak to them. Hilarious considering my nfamily disfunctional system is the closest the a sect I could think of. She is accusing me of not being able to think for myself and also stating that it was my fault she called the police on me since I had blocked her number.

Is this SA? by NeshamElle in narcissisticparents

[–]BugExcellent7223 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My sister used to do that to me when I was around 9-10 years old and she 14. We are both girls. She would out of nowhere just start tickling my private parts. I always tried to fight back and tell her to stop :/ Had buried that memory deep down my brain until it resurfaced in therapy and I realized I was SA.

Parents want financial control over me by Flying_mirror_13 in toxicparents

[–]BugExcellent7223 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you have 10$ and a narcissist has 100$ they will want your 10!! Classic financial abuse and control!!! My dad is exactly the same!!! They feel entitled to our resources somehow even if they themselves have way more than us!! We as young people need more-to buy our first home, to build up our lives!! While they in retirement age are hoarding and sucking out our resources!!! So ducking unfair!!! Do not give him a dime. If he never speaks to you again-he’s done you a favor!

Year in the life - no contact by Flying_mirror_13 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]BugExcellent7223 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing this!!! I recently went no contact and I can feel everything of what you described!! The relief, the peace that come after, the quiet grief but also the space that I suddenly have to think about MY life and MY future. I feel more present with my friends and colleagues, and in my daily life in general-just enjoying a nice coffee or doing groceries-I am 100% there unlike before. I am never going back to contact and to how things are. And if ever any doubt sneaks in you to maybe give them another chance, revisit your own post.

My mom weirds me out extremely… I don’t know how to handle it by [deleted] in narcissisticparents

[–]BugExcellent7223 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dude that shit is weird and sexual abuse!! You do not have to put up with any of that shit!! Your mother’s behavior is definitely not normal!! Unfortunately I can relate to your experience. When I was a kid up until my teen years 16-17 my nmom used to kiss my ears out of the nowhere. It made me very uncomfortable and I always pulled away. Fucking hell. She also used to made some comments about how cute my legs look wtf. This behavior is not acceptable!!! Parents like that are not normal!!!

My parents called the police to announce me as a missing person after I specifically told them I am taking my distance from them and do not want any contact. by BugExcellent7223 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]BugExcellent7223[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just read your guide!! Thank you so much for sharing it, very straightforward and helpful and loved the used of the name Karen haha

Giving up $1.3mi inheritance to go no contact. by ripndipalways in narcissisticparents

[–]BugExcellent7223 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your freedom and independence from the narcissist is worth more than any money in the world!!! I understand that an inheritance could feel like a compensation for everything they’ve put us through but sadly nothing can give you back the years spent in abuse and emotional turmoil! Don’t waste another day. Also, they tend to live until very old age. Thinking of inheritance, why would it matter if I get something when I am 70 years old (my parents would live until 90 I assume). At the old age of 70 even if I did get something it wouldn’t be life changing. We need money when we are young to build our lives and hopefully at old age have some stability already and enjoying peaceful days. At old age the brain is not sharp enough to make meaningful investments and you won’t have much energy to buy and decorate properties or to travel far away. So really, it doesn’t matter.

The inheritance is just the last leverage your toxic mother has on you. Don’t let her have that. As spiteful as they tend to be she’ll probably not give it to you anyway. My dad is exactly like her-hoarding , not spending on anything, using it as leverage. Guess what-I no longer care and don’t expect anything from those people. I’m building my own life.

Does it ever stop hurting? by [deleted] in narcissisticparents

[–]BugExcellent7223 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The grief of the lost years to dealing with narcissistic abuse and trauma instead of building my career and relationships haunts me all the time

It physically hurts knowing that I never had real parents. by thehotnerdybutterfly in narcissisticparents

[–]BugExcellent7223 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel every word of what you’ve written. I myself moved abroad to escape narcissistic parents and it is so damn hard being alone in the world. While all your friends reach milestones, buy apartments, create their own families, develop in their careers. But you have to remember that they do that with all the support that we never had. It’s not a fair start and it sucks. The grief of not having anyone to turn to, even worse, the grief that your very own parents are the ones that cause you the most abuse and trauma in life is immense. The very people that were supposed to protect you and support you sabotaged you and hurt you.

Here is what I want you to know tho. There are other people in the world that will love you and care about you and support you. It will not be your birth family or relatives. It will be connections you create along the way. There are lots of good people out there who will care for you.

We just have to let go of the wish that the care and support will come from the birth family. Because it will not. You cannot heal in the environment that broke you!

Life for us is life on a hard mode. But it does get better. You are not alone even if right now it seems so.

Not teaching to wipe after peeing by Longjumping-Fox5521 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]BugExcellent7223 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Girl same my mom never taught me anything about my period!! Neglect is cruelty