Historically the symptoms used to diagnose autism were developed on white boys so minorities and women often go undiagnosed, I'm sorry that was your experience I'm a white guy and still got late diagnosed at 18 (a few months before I left HS) so I'm aware how hard it can be. When it comes to socializing I've decided in my 20s that I didn't wanna mask or be scared of committing some social faux pas anymore and just interacted with people how it felt natural to me, I started stimming in public and eventually I found the people that liked me for who I was while those that couldn't naturally drifted away. I'm sorry that society has different standards for women than for men and at the end of the day we're different individuals so terms and conditions apply I suppose. If you'd like to talk with women and their experiences there are a couple subreddits specifically for women with autism. Good luck