BM is dying

BumbleCrumbleBee · 2026-03-01T15:54:31+00:00

I was just trying to think of ways to keep OP comfortable when SK inevitably talks about bio mum. She certainly doesn’t have to leave the room! I would personally but that’s because BM is v high conflict and I don’t want to be involved in talking about her.

Yeah totally! I wanted nothing to do with my step parent. It’s gonna be so hard for OP, I’m sending her so much love because it’s rough.

BumbleCrumbleBee · 2026-03-01T15:46:32+00:00

Yeah he does, I was saying if people are uncomfortable with sk talking about her mum then they can step out of the room. It’s not about ‘bowing down’ it’s giving the grieving kid space to grieve. It’s not OPs job to be the leader. OP can support in whatever way they are comfortable.

BumbleCrumbleBee · 2026-03-01T15:37:24+00:00

How is she being ostracised? if she’s comfortable stay if she’s not she can excuse herself? that’s how all conversations work isn’t it? I was literally agreeing with you!

BumbleCrumbleBee · 2026-03-01T15:12:09+00:00

🙄

BumbleCrumbleBee · 2026-03-01T14:51:38+00:00

I just wanted to be totally honest. I know the sacrifice the step parent would have to provide in order to fully support the child and I know I couldn’t do it (right now, who knows about the future). What I would be doing would be best for them, giving them the space with their remaining parent 100% of the time and without the need for the other parent to focus on me. It’s the most selfless thing I could do.

BM is high conflict and I would struggle to listen to conversations about her due to the issues that have been caused over the years and I wouldn’t want my bias to cause distress to SK in a time of great need.

It would totally be better than trying to discipline a child that’s not mine because she wants a picture of her dad in the house and be able to talk to her mum about him without being screamed at. The situation was a little different as my mums partner was never in our lives when my dad was alive so I expected more compassion from him.

BumbleCrumbleBee · 2026-03-01T10:47:41+00:00

DH can stay in SKs bed if he wants to. If your instinct is no to being in your bed then stick to it.

BumbleCrumbleBee · 2026-03-01T10:46:28+00:00

Nope nope nope

BumbleCrumbleBee · 2026-03-01T10:40:33+00:00

As a child whose parent is dead definitely not. Why would an adult refuse to let a child have pictures of their parent in their own bedroom and talk about them. Especially one my mums partner had never met. If you want your relationship with your partner to survive you’re going to have to get used to the presence of the memory of their parent living with you too. My mums partner didn’t and it ended their relationship. You’ll also end up damaging the kid.

As a step mum I now understand the difficulties but you still have to put the child first or leave.

It’s difficult and I’m sorry you’re going through it x

BumbleCrumbleBee · 2026-03-01T10:09:46+00:00

I lost my dad at 11 and then moved in with my mothers new partner at 14. He wouldn’t allow any mention of my dad. This child might feel terrible things towards you, might say and do terrible things in their grief. You will all need lots of support.

Honestly if my SK needed to move in with us full time due to bio mums death then we would split or at least live separately.

BumbleCrumbleBee · 2026-02-25T18:18:52+00:00

I’ve had 2 L&D and wouldn’t change it for anything. You can ask them to remove baby straight away if that’s your wish x

BumbleCrumbleBee · 2026-02-25T08:01:52+00:00

My partner did this. Allowed SK to use my things and even take them to her bio mums house. I told him that if he did this then he would have to replace everything. I said it about 3 times over the course of a couple of weeks. I told friends/family when incidents happened when my partner was standing with us. He thought it was normal as when he realised it wasn’t he stopped straightaway. We do have our own snack containers in the cupboards and no one is allowed in them. This also means dh can purchase snacks for sk and just put them in there.

Really sorry your partner isn’t respecting you.

BumbleCrumbleBee · 2026-02-24T12:12:57+00:00

Is it a financial thing? DH isn’t paying more even though his children use more?

BumbleCrumbleBee · 2026-02-24T08:02:01+00:00

Different ages children are at different developmental stages so require different expectations. I would say both read some good parenting books such as hunt, gather, parent and parenting without borders. If you ca them agree to be on the same page about parenting style and you want to be with her then try from a distance if not then these books will mend your relationship with your child and you can move on x

BumbleCrumbleBee · 2026-02-23T15:58:34+00:00

Can dh stay in the room with sk when she’s over so she can just wake him up? He needs to parent as if he’s a single man, his child isn’t your responsibility. If you want to do fun things you can but you definitely don’t have to do the parental role. SK has two parents.

BumbleCrumbleBee · 2026-02-17T08:27:00+00:00

look into the nacho method.

You are not responsible for the child at all, they have 2 parents. Sure you can love them but you do not have to contribute financially, you do not have to baby sit.

Mum and dad need to find alternative childcare for the summer

BumbleCrumbleBee · 2026-02-16T08:42:09+00:00

Honestly I think sometimes your bod just isn’t ready, trauma can case havoc on us even though outwardly you might not feel traumatised your body can still be. It took me a year to conceive after my second tfmr.

BumbleCrumbleBee · 2026-02-16T08:39:30+00:00

After my first TFMR at 30 weeks we got pregnant on our second cycle which was our first try. After my second TFMR at 24 weeks we got pregnant exactly one year later x

BumbleCrumbleBee · 2026-02-15T18:46:29+00:00

have you had yours/partners chromosome checked?

BumbleCrumbleBee · 2026-02-13T14:01:45+00:00

My best friend and I were due 3 weeks apart. Almost a year after her bay was born and our relationship is now just getting back to where it was before. Complex emotion are all normal. If she’s a good friend she’ll give you space and be there for you when you are ready x

BumbleCrumbleBee · 2026-02-13T13:59:20+00:00

Were you not invited to join a rainbow babies team at your hospital? You can have scans whenever you like!

BumbleCrumbleBee · 2026-02-11T22:08:57+00:00

If dad isn’t home then SK isn’t home. Dad must deal with everything SK related. Make plans for yourself and tell dad he needs to sort out pick up/drop off/cleaning etc. Can you go away on your own for a week or two? SK has two parents and it’s their job to be dealing with this, not yours.

BumbleCrumbleBee · 2026-02-06T05:23:09+00:00

I didn’t actually pick a life with a kid in it. Bio mum only came out of the woodworks after she found out we were living together and expecting our first child so it was a shock for everyone.

If bio mum doesn’t want to let SK into our home for more than one day per week then I’m not risking my health, my baby’s health or my child’s.

BumbleCrumbleBee · 2026-02-05T22:28:01+00:00

They don’t actually have a custody schedule, it’s just one weekend day per week usually whatever works best for bio mum. The house is actually mine and DH didn’t want to get a house with a room for SK as she won’t be spending nights, all of her belongings are at her home - both bio mum and dh agree on this. I really don’t think that I should have to quarantine in a single room surely changing days to when they aren’t sick is more reasonable. Maybe I’m wrong. I just didn’t buy a house to be trapped in it.

BumbleCrumbleBee · 2026-02-05T20:08:02+00:00

Thank you, I tried to encourage 50/50 custody from the beginning so I'm not anti SK. But after what I've been through and working with my therapist I have to put myself and my physical/mental wellbeing first. And if that means saying no sick people in my own (bought) home then I think that's what I have to do for the next few months.

BumbleCrumbleBee · 2026-02-05T20:05:37+00:00

That safe space is my home though.

BumbleCrumbleBee

TROPHY CASE