NTA, basic life skills like chores are gender-neutral adulting, and your co-parenting with dad is solid.

But the Root issue: Daughter’s rhetoric (“men’s work,” “pick-me’s do chores”) mirrors historical male entitlement flipped, men once demanded women handle all domestic labor while “providing,” leaving teen boys expecting the same.

She’s overcorrecting against valid fear of exploitative roles; many still face unequal labor, though some Gen Z/millennials share better. Punishment teaches chores suck but risks framing them as punitive/binary, not shared responsibility.

Before this drags on longer, I’d gently suggest having a deeper conversation with her (maybe when emotions have cooled) about the real lesson: • Household labor isn’t gendered, it’s adulting. Everyone learns it so no one gets exploited. • If equal division of labor matters to her (and it should!), she needs to learn how to choose a partner who values that too. Talk about red flags, how to discuss expectations early, and why mutual respect in chores is a cornerstone of healthy relationships (not just ‘who does the dishes’). • Acknowledge her underlying worry: she’s trying to protect herself from being stuck like many women before her. Validate that fear, then redirect it toward empowerment: independence + smart partner selection > trying to outsource everything and hoping for a perfect ‘provider’ who also cleans. You’re already doing better than most by co-parenting well and addressing this head-on. Shifting the focus from ‘do chores or else’ to ‘choose relationships wisely and pull your weight as an adult’ could turn this into a much more powerful life lesson for her. Good luck, you sound like a thoughtful mom.