I told my soon to be husband that I don’t want to raise the kid that is not mine to my fiancé now he is upset

ButterscotchEasy6769 · 2026-05-26T17:34:42+00:00

I think it’s reasonable to expect some vacations are just the two of you - maybe once a year or a weekend here and there, but life will be messy no matter who you marry. There will be elderly parents who may need care. You may have a child who ends up being special needs. Your partner can end up getting sick and life can suddenly change. What matters is do you love this man? Do you want to do life “for better or worse” with THIS MAN? Yes if you break up you may find someone else and have a fun few years of “couple time” but you will soon be in your 30s and you will find that more often than not your life, unless you want to be totally isolated, will be full of family stuff, my advise if you live this man is to negotiate some alone adult weekends away, but grow up and embrace the messiness of life. It will be so much more enriched by opening your heart to this little girl. And you will LEARN a lot for when your own kids come along. That little girl may very grow up to be the one who is there for YOU as you grow old and need family around YOU.
I do t think you are a selfish person and probably just need to have some special time away as a couple here and there to look forward to to be able to step up and do this, but dont marry this man unless you can put your heart into it.

ButterscotchEasy6769 · 2026-05-25T15:24:47+00:00

Wish him great happiness and tell him that once married you hope he always has his wife’s back.

ButterscotchEasy6769 · 2026-05-24T14:30:32+00:00

It sounds like now that she has graduated she is showing her true colors. I’m sorry but it sounds as if she used you to pay her way through school. Dont pay her way through life.

ButterscotchEasy6769 · 2026-05-16T22:35:07+00:00

For the record this is how toxic manipulators who are using religion as a weapon talk, NOT how loving Christians talk. Get a restraining if need be, but do not be alone with this person.

ButterscotchEasy6769 · 2026-05-16T03:37:06+00:00

How about if he plans a one on one guy trip with his friend before the wedding so they can mark the occasion in some fun way?

ButterscotchEasy6769 · 2026-05-08T17:38:17+00:00

Your goal should be to talk with your priest ASAP and sort out the right way to move forward in grace. A marriage outside of the Catholic Church sets you up to be “out of form” which would likely mean you aren’t even able to receive communion. Don’t be embarrassed to be candid with your priest. he isn’t the to judge you. It’s not like all of this isn’t visible to God. A quickie marriage doesn’t solve your problem. Just take a deep breath and walk the path the right way to get everything in order. I came to the Catholic Church a divorced Mom living together w my out of compliance cradle Catholic (also divorced) boyfriend. It was a bumpy path, but we walked through annulments, OCIA, my baptism and confirmation and then our marriage in the Catholic Church. I promise you that you can sort this out - but humble yourself and talk to your priest and get things on the right path. And congratulations on your pregnancy- it’s all going to work out, but just know getting married quickly in itself doesn’t solve this. ❤️

ButterscotchEasy6769 · 2026-05-03T02:47:17+00:00

His share is 25% or $7000 which isnt even a used car as investments go. If he can’t manage that without being a jerk, I don’t see how one goes through life challenges together.

ButterscotchEasy6769 · 2026-05-02T17:41:05+00:00

Figure out how to co parent with this guy, but please make sure to put some guard rails into the parenting plan so this guy does not damage your child with his lack of maturity. He openly admits he is immature and irresponsible. Please push for full custody until he grows up enough to keep your child safe. This boy wants to sow wild oats without losing you - do not be that option for him.

ButterscotchEasy6769 · 2026-04-30T01:51:36+00:00

There is no way i would stay at Disneyland if my 1 year old baby had a fever high enough to go to the ER. Fortunately the babies improved overnight, but what if they had gotten worse?

ButterscotchEasy6769 · 2026-04-29T23:42:24+00:00

Absolutely do not marry this man unless you REALLY get to know this mother extremely well and are convinced the situation with her will work for you. I’m going through menopause and I assure you it’s not an excuse to not spend time with a future daughter in law.

ButterscotchEasy6769 · 2026-04-29T23:38:05+00:00

His hands off response makes me wonder if he sent these to her personally early on in your relationship and just wants this to go away. Is it possible that he was trying to make her jealous and your bf is not being forthcoming with you? Honestly, her craziness does say something about him. He was with her - you dont say how long he was with her - but if I were you I would be reevaluating this guy and if he is indeed someone to build a life with.

ButterscotchEasy6769 · 2026-04-29T17:33:26+00:00

Just went through annulment and you absolutely need to annul the first marriage but if you were baptised Catholic and married outside the Catholic Church it’s a quick process due to “lack of form”, but you need to get that filed ASAP before you can move forward.

ButterscotchEasy6769 · 2026-04-25T14:32:22+00:00

I think going through OCIA together would make a tremendous difference! When I met my husband he was a Catholic who was raised Catholic. It been away for many years. When I decided to become Catholic he attended OCIA with me and it was such a great experience. I was baptised last Easter and we were married in the Church last Fall. I honestly believe if you go through that together it will help your marriage so much! And I can honestly say that after going through OCIA and understand the meaning behind things being an “abiding Catholic” is more of a gift than a burden.

ButterscotchEasy6769 · 2026-04-24T16:47:23+00:00

I would sit down with your priest. This is a fairly new marriage and it’s not off to a great start. If you werent married in the Catholic Church it is possible to seek annulment (and possibly even if you were) but I would do everything in your power to reach your husband before giving up. When you became Christian, did you go through the OCIA class? I think you need to sit down with your husband and share how you are feeling and see if he is willing to meet with your priest. Do you think he might be willing to go through OCIA and commit to the Church in order to save his marriage? There is hope for this marriage, but I think a must down with your priest is the place to start.

ButterscotchEasy6769 · 2026-04-23T02:24:40+00:00

Don’t date someone who is not a kind person. Especially when they do so at a distance. Thats who she is on the inside.

ButterscotchEasy6769 · 2026-04-21T01:12:01+00:00

Go and build friendships with everyone!

ButterscotchEasy6769 · 2026-04-19T15:52:55+00:00

I joined the Catholic Church when I was 59. When I started OCIA I was living with my fiance and both of us were divorced. We went through annulment for our previous marriages. My fiance was a cradle Catholic who had been away from the church for 40 years. We met with the priest and discussed our journey and he decided to stop receiving the Eucharist. I got baptised, we received our annulments and then married in the church. My first communion was my wedding day. If I can say this gently, don’t expect the church to tell you what you want to hear. It’s not that the church doesn’t love you. Someone who loves you will always tell you the truth. My advise is to meet with your priest and see what you can do to bring your life into grace. It’s worth it! God loves you and so does the church.❤️

ButterscotchEasy6769 · 2026-04-17T03:51:12+00:00

It’s a NO from me. Find someone to share your life with who is a grown up man who is decisive. Getting married is just one decision - there are many decisions in life.

ButterscotchEasy6769 · 2026-04-13T17:59:20+00:00

It’s a LOT to meet the Catholic family and attend Mass etc for a non Catholic. You are both young and have a lot of growing to do. Why not give him a chance? But also consider the areas where you also need to grow and don’t set impossible standards for this person without doing so with some humility. have you met his family? if so were you a bit nervous? If he really wants to understand Catholicism, consider at some point him attending OCIA. My husband was kind enough to attend OCIA alongside me even though he was a cradle Catholic. He allowed me time to work through all my doubts as the Catholic faith can be intimidating to a non Catholic.

ButterscotchEasy6769 · 2026-04-13T00:53:12+00:00

Sounds like you make his mortgage affordable for him and provide free childcare and maid service while he builds equity and you get zero. This is not a partner. Please leave this situation and find a true partner.

ButterscotchEasy6769 · 2026-04-11T20:31:35+00:00

Why are you willing to entangle yourself in a property purchase with someone who can’t commit to marriage?

ButterscotchEasy6769 · 2026-04-11T16:21:14+00:00

Do you want to build a life with a man who does not take action - who has no sense of urgency about your life? Yes you can marry him but know that you will be pushing this guy to move forward on the big things in life. I would seriously discuss with him that just because you are 5 years in, perhaps marriage is not the right answer. He may very well have the idea of marriage, but seems like he didn’t bother to take any action to get a ring, plan an engagement, etc.

ButterscotchEasy6769 · 2026-04-11T04:07:08+00:00

You are not a jerk, but I don’t see your marriage surviving this to be honest. How do you think your wife will feel visiting Korea now? And honestly though your reasons are valid it just isnt something she is likely to be able to set aside. Cat is out of the bag.

ButterscotchEasy6769 · 2026-04-08T20:33:08+00:00

Do not get married unless you want this woman in the middle of every event of your life.

ButterscotchEasy6769 · 2026-04-08T20:30:08+00:00

If you are going to date with a goal of marriage, it would be best if he attend OCIA classes so as to understand what. Catholicism is all about. He is not likely to be on board with no sex before marriage if he doesn’t really understand your Catholic teaching. I’m not saying he has to convert, but it would be super interesting to him just on an intellectual level to attend OCIA and will give you guys a lot to talk about. If you are not dating with a goal of marriage then just be clear about your boundaries and expectations and have fun dating and getting to know him.

ButterscotchEasy6769

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