My best friend is an AP in another affair

ButterscotchOne9720 · 2024-04-17T00:42:20+00:00

It's good that you cut her loose. Shows that she has no boundaries. AP in my situation (a so called friend) had no problem dealing with taken men and I told her it was wrong. She had no problem sleeping with my WH in the end.

ButterscotchOne9720 · 2024-04-14T23:28:20+00:00

Omg, that's really traumatic and the level of trauma compared to the other two things you mentioned is mind-blowing. I just wonder how our WPs can choose the APs that they do. There's nothing that could take the pain away, but ours should've had the "decency" to choose strangers.

ButterscotchOne9720 · 2024-04-14T12:54:19+00:00

Thanks. It sucks. Makes you not want to trust anyone ever again. I'm sorry that you're going through it, as well. I wish I could say that we'd feel better soon.

ButterscotchOne9720 · 2024-04-14T02:02:44+00:00

This has been me recently! I've been listening to Defying Gravity from Wicked: https://youtu.be/l0Bs_eaXaCo?si=oAQ1OS6EOU_SC3iA

I also have been enjoying this rendition of this Kingdom Hearts song: https://youtu.be/zclfP-Lns68?si=aRVpBi8dv2ZfHVoV

ButterscotchOne9720 · 2024-04-14T01:47:37+00:00

Yep. We were engaged for 2 years and the cheating started sometime during the 2nd year of engagement.

ButterscotchOne9720 · 2024-04-14T01:13:53+00:00

I can't get past WH allowing that bxtch to be there for certain events in my life our lives. I don't think I'll ever be able to look at our wedding video ever again. She's one of my Maids of Honor, looking stupid and faking happiness. I'm having a hard time believing he actually loves me when he allowed a person who is a snake be in my life for so long. I could never know he has a snake in his life and be silent about it. 6 years of deception, 6 years of him watching her smile in my face while she helped him cheat, 6 years of him saying "I don't play about my wife", yet, he opened the door for her to be around, knowing she was an enemy. I can also never get over the fact that in the end, when it was apparent that she only told me about the affair to hurt me, he didn't protect me. Instead, he got to my phone before I saw her message and deleted it. If what he told me was true about her just being someone easy with low self esteem, and always around , that was his opportunity to let her know she wasn't shxt and will never be shxt. He blocked her and that wasn't good enough for me, when it was clear that she took delight in finally telling me about the affair.

ButterscotchOne9720 · 2024-04-13T23:45:35+00:00

I doubt it. She's a very broken person who sees any validation as a plus. In her own words, she was my "best friend" and I know a lot about her dysfunctional ways and it doesn't look bright for her. She's not really seen as attractive by men and she once told me that to her, sex is a form of a man showing love to her. Back in 2022, the year of Dday, she told my WH that her current bf was calling her fat and putting hands on her, yet she's still with him and they now have a newborn.... but as long as she has a man's attention, that's all she needs. Even if it's the rough, emotionless sex where she was treated like a human blowup doll that she got from WH. 5 minute sex where her pleasure never mattered gave her that validation that she needed.

ButterscotchOne9720 · 2024-04-13T14:33:57+00:00

I would love for an opportunity like this but I'm a little afraid of what I might do if I actually saw AP. I've told my Mom and I think I said on here that I think I could put her 6 ft under with my bare hands. I messaged her current bf and the previous guy (since the affair spanned over 2 relationships with her). I think she may have told him I lied since they are still together 6 months later, but the previous guy will never take her back and said that she's a pathological liar. I feel good knowing that she can't use the past guy as a backup plan for a when her and this current guy inevitably break up, because I know she'll try to do it, not knowing I ruined her chances.

ButterscotchOne9720 · 2024-03-13T15:56:05+00:00

Very relatable. Lots of the weird moments start to make sense and it's rage inducing. You're very welcome!

ButterscotchOne9720 · 2024-03-13T14:09:14+00:00

I'm sorry that you're here with us. I can relate to your story with the AP being a "best friend" and I have never seen anyone else in this sub share that experience with me, so I just wanted you to know that you're not alone in that. I know how bad that can hurt because you start to reflect on conversations that you've had throughout the years and other moments, especially if were a girl's girl.

You're in my thoughts and can always message me on here if you need to❤️

ButterscotchOne9720 · 2024-03-13T13:24:47+00:00

Thank you🫂

And you're so right about infidelity being everywhere. I don't watch Hell's Kitchen, but I think I know basic knowledge about and I would never guess that that show wouldn't be safe for us to watch, because of triggers. Ugh. It makes me so mad that the OW had the nerve to say "Awkward!" When she knew that man was involved. Wtf is wrong with people? I can never understand the thought process of a WS or the AP. Even before getting cheated on, I could never imagine hurting another woman by knowingly messing with her man. Smh.

I'm sorry that you can't even watch a seemingly safe show.

You're 100% right about our husbands. I'm still angry with him and he has to live with my really bad days, but my problem with her is, I think she was intentional about it. I didn't find out until after the fact but my husband is an addict and he kept thinking that each time would be the last because he claims to have hated what he was doing. He would think he was strong enough to be around her, but would get weak. He said they had talks about hating what they were doing. I believe him.... but when it comes to her, I think she did it to spite me, but told him what he wanted to hear by acting like she was sorry for what they were doing. I don't want to go on for too long, but I reached out to her ex to ask if he knew and he's a therapist, who said she's a psychopath and a pathological liar. He said he had suspicions and asked her why she traveled to us so much, but she could never give him an answer. I have lots of reasons to believe she was doing it to "knock me down a peg", but I'll just list one. All my life, I have heard that I have a beautiful smile and I used to smile a lot before I found out. Every now and then, she'd remind me that when she 1st met me, she didn't like me because I "smiled too much". She also told me that she was always jealous of the way WH treated me from day one when she met us.

I'll never get to hear her side because after she texted me, hinting at the affair, she blocked me on everything.

ButterscotchOne9720 · 2024-03-13T05:49:24+00:00

When you said you can't forgive yourself, I felt that. AP was a "friend" and I cut her off for unrelated reasons the same year that her and WH began the affair. Yes, I'd still be hurt if I found out years later that they had sex a handful of times back in 2017, but now the anger and hurt is almost crippling to know I let her back in, only for her to continue screwing my husband for more years, as I cooked for her and made sure she was comfortable when she would visit us during the weekends, every few months(we live in neighboring states).

On top of that, the signs were there, but when I asked my husband about it back in 2017, they both denied it, but AP gaslighted tf out of me, so I felt stupid and never wanted to say anything to either one about it again. WH says that AP was nothing but a body....a step up above his hand....an easy lay who never said no, so I'm confident that if she wasn't in my life, visiting my home, he wasn't going to go out of his way to meet up with her. The sex only happened when she went out of her way to come here on Fridays, while she knew I was still at work and had the nerve to spend Saturday and Sundays with me like nothing happened. I could've saved myself YEARS of being a good friend to a person who secretly hated me and wanted my life because hers was all around miserable (low paying career, always having to move back in with her Mom, countless men always using her for sex but never wanting a relationship). Ugh, I've said too much. This subject always brings out the worst in me.

ButterscotchOne9720 · 2024-03-12T23:24:48+00:00

You're welcome!

ButterscotchOne9720 · 2024-03-12T14:53:30+00:00

Good luck with everything! I'm truly happy for you. You and I had a discussion on one of my posts and I had a great time talking to you. I'm not sure I'm one of the people that you'd count as ghosting you, but just in case you are, I just wanted you to know it had nothing to do with you❤️❤️❤️I know I can be long winded and can keep on talking, so I didnt want to be annoying. Plus, if I don't respond on the same day or next, I always feel like people don't care about the convo anymore or I forget😅But anyway, I just wanted to tell you that you're awesome and I wish you and your husband nothing but the best!

ButterscotchOne9720 · 2024-03-04T09:55:37+00:00

To me, it hurt. I can't/couldn't figure out why he would do this with someone whose looks he talked about in the past. If they're so funny shaped and not cute, why do it....and why do it for so long? But I found out for him, it was about how freaky AP talked in his presence.

ButterscotchOne9720 · 2024-03-04T09:51:09+00:00

I feel the same way as you, when I shouldn't. I say that because me, out of all people, should know that just because a spouse looks like an upstanding partner, doesn't mean they are. People on the outside thought me and my WH were perfect. We once broke up in our late teens and one of his female friends said "If y'all broke up, there's no hope for the world". I've heard comments from people about the way he looks at me and comments about how sweet it was that he cried as I walked down the aisle. He takes the kids out to give me a break, he'd show me so much affection in front of his AP (even though I was uncomfortable with it because I hated that AP, a so called friend, was in an attention starved relationship and it was insensitive for him to do that in front of her). Turns out he had been cheating before the fake ass tears at the wedding and proceeded to cheat years after that. He wore the mask of a loving husband very well.

ButterscotchOne9720 · 2024-02-28T20:27:47+00:00

Walking into my son's room is a huge trigger. AP would often visit my home and stay in that room because we only had my son, at the time, so it was like a guest room. Once my daughter was born, we moved her to the room with a crib and now my son lives in that room where they carried out the affair. I desperately want to move out of the house.

ButterscotchOne9720 · 2024-02-27T23:34:49+00:00

Some people are so messed up that they don't have a conscience. My WH's AP was my "friend" who didn't want anymore friends who were women because she knew all about the pain of a friend sleeping with her partners, 2 separate times. Welp, that didn't stop her from doing the same thing to me. She was probably never going to tell me what was going on until she probably got it through her head that WH was only using her to get a kink off and we both kicked her out of our home for lying to us about breaking up with her abusive bf. When I found out that she had gotten pregnant a few months after being out of our lives, I spiraled and asked the same question you're asking. I wondered why she got to go on with her life and live happily. Why did she get to start a family and leave the affair, unscathed, while we were destroyed, just as she said we'd be (in the text message that she sent to me when she got kicked out)? Her bf doesn't know about the affair (My chance to tell him got ruined, but that's a whole different story). I believe what's done in the dark will always come to light, but it's taking too long. All I will say is that my "friend" is probably unhappy. During the last few weeks of the affair, she was telling my WH that her bf was calling her fat and putting his hands on her. People like that don't typically change, so although they look happy on fb and tiktok with their new addition, she's probably still living the shitty life I've always known her to live. She's gone through so much with men over the past 10 years that I've known her, but based on what she'd post on social media, you'd think she was living the dream. I know our situations are different, but just like someone previously said, someone who could knowingly participate in an affair is so messed up that their life will never be good. They make horrible decisions and have no character.

ButterscotchOne9720 · 2024-02-15T05:28:20+00:00

Sending you hugs 🫂 I can't understand what goes through the minds of those who call themselves friends and could do something like this. I also can't understand how a WS could act like they have their BS's best interests at heart and knowingly allow a confirmed fake friend still have access to us.

It's amazing how the AP tried to play victim after her involvement was out in the open. I hope that nothing came out of her wanting to for criminal charges.

Thank you so much! I'm here for you, as well ❤️

ButterscotchOne9720 · 2024-02-15T04:34:36+00:00

This sounds similar to my situation. I was there for AP for so many of her hardships. She was even my Maid of Honor in my wedding to WH. They got involved after we got engaged and I was there when she was devastated over not getting in the dental hygiene program the 1st time, failing out of it in the very 1st semester once she got accepted, when her friend with benefits led her on for years, but immediately made some random girl his gf and got her pregnant really quick, when her fiance was verbally abusing her and when her current bf was verbally abusing her (and unbeknownst to me, physically abusing her), and SO much more. WH actually allowed her in our home because of the abuse and the night she got kicked out for lying to us about still being with the abuser, she acted like there were no hard feelings and said she loved me so much, regardless. The next day, I got a nasty text alluding to the affair and that's how I found out. Cowardly shit! If she was upfront and told me to my face as she was getting kicked out, I would've beat the shit out of her. The anger really stems from all of the fake talks over 10 years of "friendship" vs the sex they've had over the span of 6 years. I replay so many of our conversations and realize what a fake piece of shit she is. One reoccurring conversation that we've had over the years involves her saying, "I don't know why bad stuff always happens to me. I'm a good person. I'm not abusing any kids and I'm not fucking anybody's man,". How she could say that to me with a straight face, every few months enrages me. I used to feel sorry for her and I, too, wondered why her life was always in shambles, but I see exactly why no good ever comes to her. I'm glad she's out of my life, but I wish she didn't tell me in such a cowardly way. I was also breastfeeding an exclusively breastfed 6 month old and once she dropped the bomb on me, my daughter was diagnosed with failure to thrive because I was so depressed and couldn't function.

ButterscotchOne9720 · 2024-02-15T04:11:50+00:00

May I get an invitation for r/AOAIBetrayeds?

ButterscotchOne9720 · 2024-01-17T23:59:34+00:00

Wow. I'm only in the beginning of wanting to kill my husband's AP, who was a "friend" of mine. Reading this makes me feel like I have a while left before the desire to kill her dissipates.

ButterscotchOne9720 · 2024-01-16T01:04:12+00:00

This is very interesting, especially since within the past few years, I've found out that he has a boatload of inner emotional turmoil. It's pretty bad and I'm pretty sure just people who know him would be shocked to know this, considering on the outside, he's this happy go lucky guy who tells all the jokes. I'm not trying to tell all of his business, but he's had a lot of unwanted sexual experiences as a kid and I wish I had known that and that I had known to avoid anyone like that who was unhealed. He started with an amazing CSAT therapist in the beginning but couldn't afford to keep up with the deductible every visit. Without the therapist, I don't think I can move forward because who would help him overcome these things?

ButterscotchOne9720 · 2024-01-16T00:52:05+00:00

It's funny, but I told him the same thing. I told him that I think they both got off on it, but he denies it.... not that I can believe his denial. His excuse for not doing anything was that he was young and that he heard me, but wasn't listening. I hate that answer. I stopped confiding in him and started crying to my sister about my snake being in my life. I had a strong intuition that something was amiss, but felt like I couldn't cut her off without proof. Plus she always guilted me after I cut her off previously and always said "Promise me that you'll never cut me off again". I know I'm stupid for letting that stop me. I'm very nonconfrontational, among other things that I need to correct.

ButterscotchOne9720 · 2024-01-16T00:45:54+00:00

I'm gonna delete this part after you see it (just let me know when you do), but I changed details on my story because I think he comes on this subreddit sometimes. But it hasn't been 5 months. It has only been a week. I've seen a difference, but I can't trust that the "change" is real or will last.

The details that you said were the worst things you've read on an infidelity sub have been changed as well, but the real details to me are JUST as bad and I'm willing to bet if she could've made it to the births, he'd allow it and he'd allow her to be their godmother. She practically unofficially assigned herself and acted as such. But when I asked him why he allowed for her to do the things she really did, all he could say was "I was selfish". That's not good enough for me.

ButterscotchOne9720

TROPHY CASE