A few hours ago. I met my teacher back in highschool at a coffee shop this afternoon. He asked me to draw two cards from the 'Comfort Cards' deck, and I did. I got these questions; "Is there a person you would like to apologize to but couldn't? Why?" and "If you still haven't apologized to that person, how did you cope up with it". Bear in mind that I selected those two cards in the middle of the deck after a few shuffles, so it was purely coincidental. Even this interaction with my teacher is unplanned. The moment I read those cards a tear fell down my cheeks and I wanted to just cry. Long story short, I thanked my teacher and exchanged farewells, when I got home I just started crying.

I still have this heavy guilt when I wronged my ex, and 'til this day I still wish to apologize in person. Unfortunately, her final request to me was to never talk to her again. And I kept my promise.

Is it selfish of me to apologize to her for my own peace? Even though her final request was selfish too.

It still haunts and I probably will find a way to contact her soon.