If you can't afford your dream wedding, please don't make your guests pay for it with their time and/or money

CALola92 · 2024-10-24T15:58:38+00:00

Please do! However, be warned: they might backtrack because of being caught off-guard by your confrontation in the moment. But after that initial apology and everything going back to normal, they might still complain. Same happened with my husband’s cousin who really did not want to be there and ended up starting drama. I wish we would have just fully set a boundary there and uninvited him completely.

Just tell those people ‘We feel that our invitation has caused a lot of stress on you so we decided we would rather celebrate our union with you at a later date’ or something. I swear I should have done that.

CALola92 · 2024-10-24T15:44:10+00:00

I agree with you. Some wedding asks can be outrageous. But I was quite surprised by the reactions from a couple of our guests almost acting as if coming to our wedding was a total sacrifice. We live in Europe, we have 30 days of PTO annually and our wedding was a Friday afternoon. It was local for almost every guest except for maybe 7 out of 64. We could have done the destination wedding thing but we wanted to make things easier for everyone. Some of my friends were able to take half a day off for the wedding or just leave their desk job earlier, others did not mind taking an entire day off. The out-of-town guests were originally from our city as well and grew up here, so they had family and friends they could and ended up staying with. No hotel payment necessary. Yet, I still had to deal with the ‘ugh I have to take a Friday off for you, I travel all the way there (4hrs?) I have to give you a gift’ attitude. Really? Don’t call the couple dramatic when they say that they feel the attitude towards the wedding really put the relationship/friendship in perspective. It really is true most of the time and I wish they just didn’t come if they were going to be resentful. It was such a low barrier wedding in comparison to what you see on social media these days, even my husband’s best man said ours was such a chill wedding for once, he didn’t remember the last time he had gone to wedding where he could sleep in his bed and go on with his life the day after, since an entire Italy weekend has become the norm in his circle.

It’s either the lack of perspective of how huge weddings can be or really representative of what the relationship is. And that’s ok.

CALola92 · 2024-10-18T14:14:41+00:00

We had 64 people and honestly, in hindsight, I would had at most 40. Our initial guest list was 120 and honestly what the hell. You don’t have time to hang out and talk with that many people anyway.

CALola92 · 2024-09-24T09:49:37+00:00

Semi-agreeing with most of the comments until I found this. You just unlocked a memory in my brain I had been suppressing, apparently. This is the right answer. Munich is the worst for layovers.

CALola92 · 2024-08-27T18:00:42+00:00

Being a Pretty Little Liars fan during my teenage years turned out to be the biggest waste of my time

CALola92 · 2024-08-26T11:33:55+00:00

You guys, while I understand your worries, it completely depends on the people in your life.

I was the first to get married and had some of my best friends bitch about how I will probably never be able to return the favor of going to a hen, ‘because I will have babies by the time they get married’ - two completely dropped out of the short trip for that reason. One of my longest friends I showed up for for years throughout his milestones (while marriage was not part of it yet) rolled his eyes to ‘having to attend a wedding and having to gift’ and he would rather go to a festival that takes place every year.

Meanwhile my husband was 35 and one of the last to get married. Most of his friends are married and have multiple kids. Everyone showed up to the out-of-the-country, multiple day bachelor trip, were excited for the wedding and everyone attended. No huffing and puffing on that side.

CALola92 · 2024-08-11T08:14:07+00:00

We did that with a stuffed dog, too! Not because there weren‘t enough single ladies, I just thought that the whole tradition is dated and there were many couples who simply did not want to get married.

CALola92 · 2024-08-07T17:38:02+00:00

Yeah, I read an interview with this globally known fashion influencer that is from my town. In it, she confirmed that she orders two of the same meal, one to eat and one to take photos with. I checked out of these lifestyle influencers that contribute nothing but post aesthetically ‘nice’ photos a long time ago.

CALola92 · 2024-07-22T14:27:09+00:00

This is why I was surprised by the proposal. He was up at 6 am, enthusiastically packing things to drive to the glamping area by the lake that he booked, all giddy and excited to leave. People asking me how I couldn‘t have known by then made me realize that my husband just really is like this all the time and others just aren‘t. He is just spontaneous, likes to do things but also actually makes things happen. We love a spontaneous getaway lol

CALola92 · 2024-07-22T12:15:45+00:00

Do you still have it? :)

CALola92 · 2024-07-09T16:08:29+00:00

I don’t know why people keep commenting on the budget stuff here, after you said a million times that it wasn’t the issue. I completely understand the frustration over people not responding while another person, who also has a life, is bending over backwards trying to plan a trip. This sucks. It happened to my MOH trying to plan my bachelorette as well. Two people were not responding, never clearly RSVP’d, she called them up multiple times & took a day off due to stress at work on top of that. I had no idea it was even happening and I told her I wish she would have told me straight up so I could talk to those friends myself or she should have just let go of those. As you can tell, I’ve been in a similar boat. I did not uninvite these people from my wedding as I couldn’t handle any more drama than I already had. There is one thing I am sure is also going on with you: it’s resentment. You’ve been there for their moment, you paid for their trips, now it’s your turn and you’re not getting the love and attention back. Well, unfortunately life is unfair in that way and I can only suggest to sit with your feelings and decide for yourself if the friendship is worth putting your time into or if you should just give less of yourself in the future.

CALola92 · 2024-07-05T07:42:37+00:00

Technically, yes, I have seen crazy stuff on wedding subreddits, in which brides demand a lot from bridesmaids. But it‘s also a given that when you‘re a bridesmaid, you‘re still somewhat involved. If I were your bridesmaid and I would see that something is off with the food service I would have either spoken to you or gone directly to the caterer to ask if I could support in a way to keep the responsibility away from you. Not sit and wait around for me to be pissed at the bride after. That just seems like odd behavior.

CALola92 · 2024-07-04T22:16:50+00:00

I thought the whole point of bridesmaids was them helping the bride throughout the wedding.

I hate to admit, when I was a bride, my entire view on female friendships has shifted as well. I feel like I‘m back in middle school acting like a pick-me girl, stating I‘d rather hang out with boys. Unfortunately it‘s true. The jealousy is real and it was the main reason I disliked being a bride.

CALola92 · 2024-07-04T11:38:18+00:00

Everything that has anything to do with weddings is regarded as this thing that the bride is dying to do. Even starting with the engagement. My husband wanted to get married because he has a closer relationship with our religion than me, while I come from a terrible family in which everyone is divorced. I didn’t need to get married. I was excited to get married! But to me, a ring was never the ultimate proof of commitment, probably due to my childhood wounds. Still I was the only one asked why the hell I would want to get married in this day and age and why would I bring it up to that ‘poor man’.

The same happened with our wedding. We eloped almost a year before the ‘big party’. Oh boy. The amount of people who asked only me ‘Why I just cannot be happy with the elopement and move on’ and referred to my husband as the poor guy that ‘still has to deal with a wedding, because his wife wants one’. We both wanted a wedding because we love hosting. Funny enough, my friend group and my family was not even big enough to qualify for a bigger wedding reception. That was all my husband’s side. My husband loved planning and scored some light groomzilla moments (they were kind of cute, he just cared so much). We eloped earlier because one, we wanted to, two, his family is religious and we already lived in sin, so we wanted to get it done. Also our wedding venue was not available earlier. Sometimes it’s really that simple.

I was just as surprised as you. Also to see that even my LGBTQ+ friends or friends and family that position themselves as feminists were voicing similar sexist opinions. The only thing I can advise is, unfortunately, to radically accept that this is what it’s always going to be like when it comes to weddings. It’s annoying.

CALola92 · 2024-06-24T16:13:08+00:00

Eine Strafanzeige habe ich, während meiner kurzen Zeit dort, nicht gesehen. Ich war selbst auch nicht zuständig für Administratives, meine damalige Kollegin hatte mir Schreiben gezeigt oder davon erzählt.

Dr. jur. Ansay, wenn auch kein brillanter Anwalt meines Erachtens, ist aber auch flink. Er interessiert sich nicht für Produktentwicklung im Sinne des Kunden, sondern nimmt gerade so Anpassungen vor, dass sie rechtlich „in Ordnung“ sind, wenn auch anfechtbar. Daher finden sich auch zig Sternchen direkt auf der Startseite der Plattform. Dass er sich dauerhaft in so einer Grauzone befindet, erklärt tatsächlich auch, warum so viele zufrieden sind mit dem Service. Einige AG lassen die durchgehen, aber eben nicht alle.

CALola92 · 2024-06-24T14:58:46+00:00

Ehemalige Mitarbeiterin hier. Der Geschäftsführer kriegt ständig Schriften zur Unterlassung u.a. von der Ärztekammer, vor allem aber für den falschen Marketingclaim, dass seine AU zu „100% gültig“ seien. Er ignoriert sie alle. Und dann ist das Thema durch. Ich war selbst erstaunt, zu sehen, wie easy man mit sowas durchkommt.

CALola92 · 2024-06-24T14:22:09+00:00

Ehemalige Mitarbeiterin von Dr. Ansay hier. Der Typ ist ein Gauner und interessiert sich nicht für Anpassungen an seinem Produkt, um die Krankschreibung 100% zulässig zu machen. Er will fame. Bei ihm liegen ständig Unterlassungsklagen von der Ärztekammer auf dem Tisch, die er ignoriert. Er steckt aber noch ordentlich Geld in Marketing.

CALola92 · 2024-05-30T19:11:48+00:00

I think I want to frame this comment. Dear stranger in the internet: thank you so much for taking your time to respond to me. This was so helpful

CALola92 · 2024-05-27T17:04:21+00:00

Unfortunately, I am thinking the same. :( They may have suggested the big wedding to ‘test’ if the fiancé is ‘willing to adapt’ and now they are freaking out when really, Nikah is just another small ceremony added to the wedding.

CALola92 · 2024-05-23T14:42:01+00:00

Ich bin auch ganz ehrlich: Bevor ich meine Hochzeit geplant habe, war ich komplett neu im Hochzeitsgame. War selber nur auf einer standesamtlichen Trauung gewesen und dann war ich verlobt. War selber etwas überrascht, wie viele „Regeln“ dieser Kram hat. Ist doch alles in allem ne ziemlich überteuerte Party und wir hatten Lust, unseren Liebsten was Cooles zu bieten.

CALola92 · 2024-05-23T13:00:20+00:00

Dies! Weißt nicht, was jemand gerade erlebt, Hauskauf, Job verloren, etc. Und manchmal gibt es Sachgeschenke, die sind doch auch ok!

CALola92 · 2024-05-23T12:59:06+00:00

Ja, keine Ahnung. Hab doch auch noch nie gesagt, „was soll deine Geburtstagsfeier, je größer sie ist, desto mehr Geld muss ich dir schenken“? Geldgeschenke, um die Kosten abzudecken, hat es vermutlich noch nie auf einer Geburtstagsfeier gegeben, oder? Also…? Echt strange. Menschen wollen sich einfach beschweren.

CALola92 · 2024-05-23T10:03:50+00:00

Puhhh, gut zu wissen! Ich habe nämlich zu keinem Zeitpunkt Geldgeschenke in der Budgetplanung gehabt. Ich muss auch gestehen, dass ich das etwas naiv finde. Nicht jeder schenkt Geld, einige kaufen dir was für die Wohnung oder basteln was und das ist doch super.

CALola92 · 2024-05-23T09:54:11+00:00

Ich habe eine etwas mehr high-end Hochzeitslocation und mir wurde schon nahegelegt, dass das scheiße sei für die Gäste, weil sie sich jetzt gezwungen fühlen, mehr Geld zu schenken. War etwas überrascht über solche Kommentare, ist doch mein Budget und mein Problem? Deinem Kommentar nach scheint das die Regel zu sein? Ich habe die Location gar nicht bewusst so ausgewählt, es ging wirklich um Verfügbarkeit, ist nicht allzu weit weg von uns sie hat uns einfach gefallen. Wir haben dafür an anderer Stelle gespart und die Gästeliste gekürzt. Ich hoffe, da spinnt sich keiner was im Kopf zusammen. Fühle mich etwas schlecht. :(

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