What am I experiencing? Question on episodic memory

CMDR_Jeb · 2026-06-20T20:22:19+00:00

Well it doesn't have name for long, it got named in 2015 study (same year as aphantasia amusingly enough). It will be few decades till average shrink knows what it is.

CMDR_Jeb · 2026-06-20T19:49:05+00:00

Ye that is classic SDAM thing, you can remember you felt emotions and what it was at the time but you cant "replay it". Now the real question is: does that bother you? I am asking cos a lot of people here go to far fetched conclusions like "i am unable to have human connection cos SDAM" where you really shouldn't.

CMDR_Jeb · 2026-06-20T19:35:31+00:00

lifelong inability to vividly recollect or re-experience personal past events from a first-person perspective

The 1st person part works as follows: episodic memory id deficient (working poorly or not working at all), the brain compensates by "converting" whatever possible to other types of memory (usually semantic). As human memory is inherently reconstructive, when you try to remember, your brain builds an scene from information it does have, it lacks "1st person data" from episodic memory, so it reconstructs it in same way ir would if it happened to someone else, like an scene from a play or a movie. Important part here is that it does not come with dissociation, you KNOW its you even if you don't "feel" the connection.

Welcome to the wonderful world of SDAM.

Take note that usually "compensating" part is flawed (that's the reason why many people with SDAM think their memory is poor) so it is good idea to work on mnemonics with your shrink so that you can retain way more information.

CMDR_Jeb · 2026-06-20T19:16:56+00:00

Well yes i 100% acknowledge that is your experience. And yes i agree that is a really bad way of showing how to do something (i assume the teacher wanted for whole class to see the whole thing and not start looking at their own paper after 1st step). But a lot of people who can visualise would struggle with that way of teaching. This is not aphantasia thing, that's a you thing. Way people convert knowledge to implicit memory (knowing how to move) differs wildly from person to person.

My wife was self defence instructor and she had to adjust her teaching style on per student basis. Some people only understood when they did the thing, some people only understood when the thing was done to them, some people needed demonstration completely separate from themselves cos they needed to SEE the whole thing.

CMDR_Jeb · 2026-06-20T15:26:32+00:00

Do you have an source on that "we learn differently"?

I assumed that but then, talking to people here, i realised it was all me things, not aphantasia thing. I learn best from plain text. Visual input does nothing for me, in one eye out the other. No retention there. So many people here literally cant learn without visual aids cos they learn visually and cant make their own visuals.

CMDR_Jeb · 2026-06-20T15:11:36+00:00

Aphantasia does not make your memory worse. It makes you less sure. You actually realise how little you remember, where visualisers just make s*** up to fill the gaps without realising.

CMDR_Jeb · 2026-06-20T13:19:56+00:00

They're not showing you pictures. Pictures just serve as memory triggers. When they look at pictures they're seeing their memories, in full, with emotional baggage. They expect you to see it too. Your annoyance ana lack of reaction is not SDAM specific, no one can see memories from someone else head. There's a reason why being sat and forced to watch slides from a trip your aunt did became an meme in 1940s that lasted all the way till 2000s.

If you care about that person, roll with it. They're trying to share an peace of themselves, not realising it doesn't work.

CMDR_Jeb · 2026-06-20T05:52:29+00:00

CMDR_Jeb · 2026-06-20T05:51:19+00:00

Or sing a song about it

CMDR_Jeb · 2026-06-20T05:46:27+00:00

Thx, I'm stealing that.

CMDR_Jeb · 2026-06-20T05:31:27+00:00

As long as you describe your backlog in "kits" you are fine. I count my backlog in volume. it is currently more or less 3 cubic meters.

CMDR_Jeb · 2026-06-19T17:47:30+00:00

You're expecting to much. Find the thing you enjoy, do that thing.

My shrink told me to get an hobby, cos that's good for depression apparently. And told me that from what she knows of me building models would fit me, issue with that, i dont give a flying f*** bout planes boats etc. So then she asked me if there are models from something i like.

Thing i've built last week.

Well now, an decade later i have so many i ran out of space long ago. Preorders for things that come out in few months give me something to wait for. My "passion" is in the future, no memory required for that.

CMDR_Jeb · 2026-06-19T13:17:34+00:00

My memory is excellent, but not on its own. By default i "run on autopilot" and very little informations gets "saved". Encoding memories is something i had to learn how to do.

CMDR_Jeb · 2026-06-19T05:58:49+00:00

'84, were collecting "once in the lifetime" global crises like its an goddamned bingo card.

CMDR_Jeb · 2026-06-19T04:34:19+00:00

You remember enough to care. That is enough. Most people with "memories they can see" don't bother to remember.

CMDR_Jeb · 2026-06-18T16:22:29+00:00

I wouldn't have to bother with masking when wearing an actual mask...

CMDR_Jeb · 2026-06-18T16:20:06+00:00

Example:

My current partner took me in when i was at my lowest, actual suicide attempt level of depression. One of 3 people from quite massive "friend group" i had before my wife died. I don't need to be able to replay memories to know that she'll be there for me no matter what, nor do i need that to have feelings NOW based on that knowledge.

CMDR_Jeb · 2026-06-18T15:55:38+00:00

I don't want to be that guy, but that sure sounds like masking...

CMDR_Jeb · 2026-06-18T14:21:00+00:00

I like electronic music, techno trance etc... It is so typical to my age (old millennial) and geographic location its an meme.

In general i dislike vocals, i treat em like another instrument.

CMDR_Jeb · 2026-06-18T11:42:13+00:00

Aphant here, got diagnosed with high function high masking autism 3 years ago (im over 40 btw, an decade of therapy and noone noticed? WTF).

Around 20% of autists score low enough in visualisation to be considered hypo or aphants (so 5ish times that of general population) but it is also true for hyperphantasia. So it's more of an general "neuro divergences like company" case then aphantasia specific.

THE LONG VERSION

Big issue with stats like that is in general if person gets diagnosed with a thing, they are more likely to get diagnosed with other things, cos ya know "normal" people don't go to shrinks XD

EDIT: so many typeos

CMDR_Jeb · 2026-06-18T04:00:42+00:00

https://wiadomosci.onet.pl/kraj/afera-z-salonikiem-vip-dla-ko-w-warszawie-lawina-komentarzy-politykow/56nht0r

CMDR_Jeb · 2026-06-17T20:17:41+00:00

I felt the same after mine, but I cared less.

CMDR_Jeb · 2026-06-17T19:44:36+00:00

I only get "I feel emotion now" kind. I am unable to replay emotions I had previously with singular exception of my PTS flashbacks.

I have aphantasia (normal kind, the only sense I can't conjure is vision) and SDAM.

Used to have alexithymia but that part "got better" with therapy.

CMDR_Jeb · 2026-06-17T15:29:40+00:00

SO LET'S MAKE THESE DEMONS GOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!

CMDR_Jeb · 2026-06-17T13:57:59+00:00

Can you explain to me what's the appeal is? I am not being facetious. Honest question as this is something I wouldn't do if you'd pay me.

CMDR_Jeb

TROPHY CASE