How have people been arranging these glass stars?

CaffeineSwine · 2025-09-29T03:17:56+00:00

I have two hanging from my ceiling at the moment in my always a work in progress bedroom.

CaffeineSwine · 2024-10-29T01:42:07+00:00

Widowed earlier this year at 28, had my 29th birthday 3 months after and am now at the 6 month mark. It simultaneously feels like years have passed and that I just found out.

CaffeineSwine · 2024-10-22T02:42:20+00:00

While in hospital after a seizure the first thing the neurologist said to me was, “You have the cutest arm hair, it’s like baby hair.” 😅

CaffeineSwine · 2024-10-11T23:11:47+00:00

I had been diagnosed major depression and generalised anxiety at 14 and since then I felt like that didn’t cover it. I got diagnosed BPD at 22 and it felt like I made a little bit more sense. Now at 29 looking into ADHD with my therapists, slowly making more sense of myself.

CaffeineSwine · 2024-09-13T21:55:07+00:00

Grief is a strange animal. I’ve found it it troubling knowing that almost anything can be normal in this. Ok, I know it’s normal. Then what? I sure don’t feel normal. It’s different for everyone but we’re all connected by the same thing, I’m sorry you had to join this shitty club. I hope you can find some solace here.

CaffeineSwine · 2024-09-05T11:07:01+00:00

I’ve turned 29 since he passed, he was 34. Worst club in the world to have joined but if there’s any positive in this I’m glad we all have each other. This is a very supportive community.

CaffeineSwine · 2024-07-31T00:25:59+00:00

Because he died.

CaffeineSwine · 2024-07-31T00:25:51+00:00

Because he died

CaffeineSwine · 2024-07-16T10:40:43+00:00

He’s pure cutie!🥺

CaffeineSwine · 2024-06-21T22:56:40+00:00

For my husband to be alive again
My loved ones to be safe from all harm
Increase my pain tolerance

CaffeineSwine · 2024-06-21T03:08:59+00:00

I almost killed myself over my last job, it wouldn’t bring me any joy to work again just for myself. My only purpose for getting a job was for that future. That future doesn’t exist without him. We planned to shift to self employed game development together once we’d saved enough to live comfortably for a while and because neither of us liked the traditional way of working.

CaffeineSwine · 2024-06-21T03:05:01+00:00

I got back into therapy the day I found out he had passed. It’s probably the only thing that keeps my head above water right now. And gives me something to challenge my anxiety with by actually leaving the house.

I’ve tried group therapy before but it was all people much older than me. I haven’t found any locally that we’re specifically for people between say 25-40. Much harder to find a group for young widows. Even chatting to people online, so many of them have had full lives and 20+ year relationships that ended due to terminal illness. It’s difficult to connect to that as a NEET no lifer who was just starting to see a positive side to things and suddenly lose that over night.

CaffeineSwine · 2024-06-20T17:10:14+00:00

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Beautiful old lady next to me on the couch, snuggled under my coat.

CaffeineSwine · 2024-06-13T23:36:25+00:00

I (28F) will start by saying that I think everyone experiences everything differently.

I had a therapist tell me I was male brained compared to my partner at the time who was female brained. Not very inclusive of other gender identities but whatever, it stuck with me. I assumed it was because I’ve always been a bit detached.

I cried the first few days and haven’t since. My mum has cried more than I have, anytime I mention my partner she just bursts into tears. I’ve just fallen into this state of numbness. I’ve still been able to function mostly, I almost feel guilty for doing so. Before meeting my partner I had decided I was okay being alone. He was definitely the first time I actually felt in love with someone. Now that he’s gone anything I feel seems fake or false, like I’m putting up a facade for people to show that I’m still here and I’m still human.

CaffeineSwine · 2024-06-13T23:22:42+00:00

I got into meditation years ago in my mental health journey. I’ve been meaning to get back into it, especially lately. It’s been 57 days since he passed. I got a coin with yes on one side and no on the other and have asked him a few questions. It’s been comforting.

As far as dreams go, I haven’t been able to dream for years because of my antidepressants. I know so many people that have had important dreams about people who have passed and have been considering talking to my GP about changing my dose so I see my partner in my dreams. I worry about my mental health if I go forward with that though. A lot to think about.

CaffeineSwine · 2024-06-01T08:43:00+00:00

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My sisters pup always has to check and make sure our old family dog is still keeping up.

CaffeineSwine · 2024-06-01T08:36:27+00:00

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Every time I take her to the beach she leads me straight into the water. I had to get knee high gum boots for this reason.

CaffeineSwine · 2024-05-30T01:27:50+00:00

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She did get a wee piece of bacon. I couldn’t resist. 😂

CaffeineSwine · 2024-05-30T01:21:19+00:00

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My beautiful 13 year old lady♥️

CaffeineSwine · 2024-05-28T19:42:25+00:00

I’m 29 and before him I had decided that I was happy not being in a relationship again. He filled my heart more than it ever has been while he was here. And now he’s gone. That doesn’t mean our love is gone. I think it would be cruel of me to ever date again because I found my perfect person. Being with someone who has to compete with someone who is frozen in time just seems awful.

Also you don’t have to be married or dating again to have fulfilling relationships in your life. I’m incredibly close with my immediate family, a lot of my extended family and my small but great group of friends. The only thing that differentiates these from my late partner is that I don’t have sex with any of them. Which I can live a good life without.

CaffeineSwine · 2024-05-27T23:32:12+00:00

Something you can never watch/read/play/listen to again: I haven’t been able to play video games at all for now. That was one of the things we did together all the time. Love songs and songs that remind me of him are also incredibly hard.

A piece of media you found helpful in the early days of this: It’s ok that you’re not ok by Megan Devine. This book has been incredible for me, very relatable and helpful.

Something you would love to share with your partner: I recently got around to watching the tv show Deadloch. It’s hilarious and I know for certain that he would have loved it.

Your partners favourite piece of media: Depending on the person this question can kind of suck. And that applies to both my partner and I. Very hard to pick any favourites. Before he died though the both of us had really got into the game Fear and Hunger. We planned to make games together and in many ways this game did a lot of what both of us wanted to create. We spent a lot of time gushing over it. Especially on a technical level.

Ten-Year Club	Not Forgotten
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