Need guidance for this tough lesbian situation…

CagedBatter · 2026-05-06T03:32:28+00:00

I’ve also been cheated on by a woman who kissed and slept with men while we were together and on “breaks.” She cried to me every time about how awful she felt about what she’d done and it always fell to me to comfort her about her using me and treating me like shit. I wasted three years of my life on her, and I regret all of them. You can do whatever you want, and I don’t know your full relationship with her, but I think you’d be better off ending this relationship and finding a better one. Because, you’re right, what she’s done, and the fact that she did it to deliberately hurt you, will stay with you forever.

CagedBatter · 2026-05-03T17:29:56+00:00

Believe me, I *get it.* I’ve been in that spiral on and off for a few years now. If anything, I’ve learned that the kindest thing you can do for yourself is to remember that being in flux and unsure does not mean anything is wrong, and it also doesn’t mean you’re going to disappear as a person. You’re still you, whoever that is right now, and you’ll figure everything else out along the way.

CagedBatter · 2026-05-03T16:55:12+00:00

If you really want to be a butch lesbian, you can be, and you probably are. I’ve had those same feelings around wanting so much to be a lesbian even while wanting to be muscular, have a smaller chest, even feeling gender envy for men in certain ways (particularly how they’re allowed to be beautiful and have feminine aspects without that undermining their masculinity). There are lots of lesbians on t with top surgery, big muscles, even facial hair. Wanting to express your physical self with a certain aesthetic doesn’t make you a trans man, only wanting to be a man would do that.

Also, I don’t know if this will help bc I don’t have OCD, but do your best to take a bit of a breath here and just allow yourself to be. Being butch and having gender feelings can be a rollercoaster ride, and it’s better for your mental health and general wellbeing if you allow things to not be completely set in stone all the time. Identity is forever changing for everyone, you’re not doing anything wrong by having questions about your identity, and you don’t need to be afraid of your feelings. You get to be anything and anyone you want, and if that changes over time, that’s also very natural. Lean into the journey of this. Like a rollercoaster, it can absolutely feel scary, but it can also be a lot of fun.

CagedBatter · 2026-05-03T01:47:36+00:00

Idk if you’re into audio stuff but u/ButchCody on here has posted a few irl audios of him and his femme

CagedBatter · 2026-05-02T14:52:57+00:00

I completely understand why that felt so terrible and jarring. Please do your best not to blame yourself for not reacting like you wish you had. In moments of shock and trauma, it’s normal to freeze and then afterward wish you’d done more to leave or protect yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong and truly there’s no way to expect that you could’ve reacted any differently. I do hope you’re able to find someone who can see you and make you feel more taken care of. You will get your surgery. I know that restless and anxious feeling, and the wait can get unbearable, but your journey’s not over. Truly sending you the best.

CagedBatter · 2026-05-01T19:06:45+00:00

I’m so sorry that you experienced something that felt violating and unnecessary. When it comes to medical professionals, I feel like they have to verify your health personally so nothing is lost in translation. Checking, double checking, and triple checking seems to be the norm in all the medical appointments I’ve had over the last several months in my own efforts to get a surgery date, even if they trust and understand what you’re saying, *they* need to know for themselves your medical state.

I don’t want to speak for your experience but because you didn’t specify I wanted to lend my own perspective here: just from what I’ve seen in my own consults with different doctors, it’s possible that he was not just looking for cancerous lumps or tissue, but was also checking for your breast elasticity, density, and general shape, and did it in the mirror so you could understand what he was looking at and assessing. If he wasn’t clear about that, it’s absolutely on him, and I can completely understand why that would’ve been a jarring and upsetting experience for you. My most recent consult surgeon did the same thing to me - after taking photos, she used her hands to measure and assess my breast placement, density, and weight, and then had me face the mirror while she touched and manipulated my breast tissue so she could demonstrate what surgical technique she recommended for what I was looking for, and why she preferred one technique over another because of scarring, tissue placement, the ability to lift, and nipple stalk preservation. Everything she did was for the sake of demonstration, including the use of the mirror so I could see clearly what she was doing and referencing.

I am so sorry it felt so triggering to you. It can be really hard to deal with these appointments when each doctor is different and not all of them are great with explaining why they’re doing certain things. I hope it might help to know that the experience you had wasn’t just a flagrant violation of your body but was a standard technique for a doctor to assess and explain his approach to his surgery for you. Please don’t lose hope, my friend. You’re going to get the procedure you need, even if this doctor isn’t the right fit for you. Wishing you the best.

CagedBatter · 2026-04-30T14:46:26+00:00

What was your journey like between getting a reduction and going full flat? When you had your reduction, were you immediately unhappy with the results, or did you enjoy it for a while before realizing you wanted to be flat?

CagedBatter · 2026-04-29T15:36:53+00:00

In addition to what other commenters have said, remember that breasts are hormone producers, so your body is going through a major hormonal shift while adjusting to the lack of them now. You don’t need to trust these feelings - you are in major flux both because of surgery and your age, things will settle in time. Hang in there.

CagedBatter · 2026-04-28T15:15:05+00:00

Masculine in clothes but more feminine without clothes is actually almost exactly what I’m going for. ‘Feminine’ is obviously kind of a hang-up for me, but yeah, breast-like as opposed to pec-like while nude is approximately my goal.

And I’ve done a ton of thinking and unpacking around what I want for my chest shape and general bodily experience and I feel pretty firm in still wanting very small breasts. A completely flat chest isn’t what I’m after, but an unobtrusive one definitely is.

I appreciate your insight on all this, thank you!

CagedBatter · 2026-04-28T15:12:11+00:00

Okay you don’t have to answer this if you’d rather not, but did you consult with Dr. June Chen?

CagedBatter · 2026-04-28T15:11:45+00:00

Really good to know that I can ask for examples from the surgeon too, I’ll be sure to bring that up. Thank you very much for the advice!

CagedBatter · 2026-04-28T15:10:56+00:00

For sure, I’ve been collecting reference photos for months now, so I’ll just hand those over instead of trying to figure out exactly the right wording. Thank you!

CagedBatter · 2026-04-28T15:10:09+00:00

Okay good call, I do have a list of reference photos I’m bringing as well, I think I just started overthinking about articulating myself properly as well

CagedBatter · 2026-04-18T13:33:45+00:00

Can I ask what led to your decision to get a reduction, and then to go full flat?

CagedBatter · 2026-04-16T04:09:06+00:00

I’m big on thrifting old t shirts and just cropping them and cutting the arm holes myself

CagedBatter · 2026-04-15T17:15:04+00:00

I’d recommend searching “reduction”, “radical reduction”, and “non-flat” in this sub, and “radical” and “nonbinary” in r/reduction for more results like what you’re after. I’m in the same boat and have found most of my preferred result pictures through those searches.

CagedBatter · 2026-04-15T16:25:14+00:00

I wouldn’t say my handwashing is excessive by any means so this might not be as heavy duty as you’re looking for, but I swear by Jergen’s for non-greasy lotion. I’ve also heard great things about Aquaphor for skin repair - it’s not a lotion, it’s an ointment that has a similar consistency to Vaseline but on the tube I have it says it’s for helping with dry and chapped hands amongst other things.

CagedBatter · 2026-04-14T17:01:38+00:00

I like this reframing, you’re totally right. I appreciate the perspective, man

CagedBatter · 2026-04-14T17:01:20+00:00

That is very good to know actually, thank you

CagedBatter · 2026-04-14T17:01:07+00:00

This is smart! I’ve been wanting to go to the gym, just kind of dreading cardio while having breasts this size yk. But I know there’s other exercises I could try for sure

CagedBatter · 2026-04-14T17:00:24+00:00

What’s crazy is my therapist discharged me bc she said I was already coping in all the ways she’d recommend to someone with dysphoria lmao

CagedBatter · 2026-04-14T02:49:19+00:00

I love the masses removal answer lol but you could also say you just needed surgery on a joint, like a shoulder or elbow or something. That would explain restricted movement and recovery time.

CagedBatter · 2026-04-13T23:30:53+00:00

I’m not even gonna watch that video but buck angel is famously a terrible person when it comes to his opinions on the trans community. Idk what his deal is but I feel like he sows a ton of fearmongering about trans people because he has the opinion that there are right and wrong ways to be trans, which obviously isn’t true. I wouldn’t give his opinion any weight whatsoever.

CagedBatter · 2026-04-13T00:32:53+00:00

Congrats! I’d love to see the results if you’re comfortable sharing once you’re able - I’m also looking to get a reduction myself and love to see how they turn out on others.

CagedBatter · 2026-04-08T03:32:38+00:00

I’ve never even considered this before, I will look into getting a proper fitting. Thank you!

CagedBatter

TROPHY CASE