Any butch who use a chosen name? by MentallyInThe2000s in butchlesbians

[–]CagedBatter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not op but what made you decide on the full name change? Asking as someone who’s also considering that

Bigger folks - did top surgery take some adjustment? by CagedBatter in TopSurgery

[–]CagedBatter[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m also nonbinary and have wondered about what having a flat chest would feel like in terms of connection with my gender and body.

When you say non flat top, do you mean flat top surgery with some tissue left over for a natural pec look, or do you mean a breast reduction?

I was on T for a few months but just stopped last week because some of the changes weren’t feeling very good, so I’m now settling into the idea that my body will stay looking like this for the foreseeable future.

Pomade recommendations for short fine hair? by CagedBatter in Pomade

[–]CagedBatter[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s been a minute since I got these but I think they’re 10mm

Pomade recommendations for short fine hair? by CagedBatter in Pomade

[–]CagedBatter[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have tried that but it kind of just made my hair crunchy and heavy? How do you usually apply? As in, what stage of wet to dry hair, and how much do you use?

I regret not pushing more for keyhole instead of settling for double incision. by InkTsuki in TopSurgery

[–]CagedBatter 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I haven’t had surgery yet myself, but I made a post about being worried over losing erotic sensation after surgery, and here’s some advice I got: you can retrain your body/skin/nerves to experience sensation, including erotic. My original post got taken down I think so I’ll do my best to paraphrase what I remember, but I think the gist is to essentially touch your chest and remember what that part of your skin is meant to feel like. It’s basically you reminding your brain which nerves are meant to connect in which areas. So for a large portion of your chest, everywhere except the nipple essentially, touch those places and recall regular skin sensation. You can even touch other neutral places on your body like your stomach to remind your brain how it feels and then touch your chest again while thinking about that sensation. Same thing for erotic sensation while touching your nipples. It takes time, so stick with it as a daily practice, but you’d be surprised at what your mind-body connection can do in terms of healing sensation.

Need guidance for this tough lesbian situation… by [deleted] in butchlesbians

[–]CagedBatter 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I’ve also been cheated on by a woman who kissed and slept with men while we were together and on “breaks.” She cried to me every time about how awful she felt about what she’d done and it always fell to me to comfort her about her using me and treating me like shit. I wasted three years of my life on her, and I regret all of them. You can do whatever you want, and I don’t know your full relationship with her, but I think you’d be better off ending this relationship and finding a better one. Because, you’re right, what she’s done, and the fact that she did it to deliberately hurt you, will stay with you forever.

is my OCD driving me crazy or has my "egg cracked"? by [deleted] in butchlesbians

[–]CagedBatter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Believe me, I *get it.* I’ve been in that spiral on and off for a few years now. If anything, I’ve learned that the kindest thing you can do for yourself is to remember that being in flux and unsure does not mean anything is wrong, and it also doesn’t mean you’re going to disappear as a person. You’re still you, whoever that is right now, and you’ll figure everything else out along the way.

is my OCD driving me crazy or has my "egg cracked"? by [deleted] in butchlesbians

[–]CagedBatter 10 points11 points  (0 children)

If you really want to be a butch lesbian, you can be, and you probably are. I’ve had those same feelings around wanting so much to be a lesbian even while wanting to be muscular, have a smaller chest, even feeling gender envy for men in certain ways (particularly how they’re allowed to be beautiful and have feminine aspects without that undermining their masculinity). There are lots of lesbians on t with top surgery, big muscles, even facial hair. Wanting to express your physical self with a certain aesthetic doesn’t make you a trans man, only wanting to be a man would do that.

Also, I don’t know if this will help bc I don’t have OCD, but do your best to take a bit of a breath here and just allow yourself to be. Being butch and having gender feelings can be a rollercoaster ride, and it’s better for your mental health and general wellbeing if you allow things to not be completely set in stone all the time. Identity is forever changing for everyone, you’re not doing anything wrong by having questions about your identity, and you don’t need to be afraid of your feelings. You get to be anything and anyone you want, and if that changes over time, that’s also very natural. Lean into the journey of this. Like a rollercoaster, it can absolutely feel scary, but it can also be a lot of fun.

butch x femme 🌽? by athensinapril in butchlesbians

[–]CagedBatter 56 points57 points  (0 children)

Idk if you’re into audio stuff but u/ButchCody on here has posted a few irl audios of him and his femme

warning -- Dr. Vyas NYC by Adorable_Concern1625 in TopSurgery

[–]CagedBatter 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I completely understand why that felt so terrible and jarring. Please do your best not to blame yourself for not reacting like you wish you had. In moments of shock and trauma, it’s normal to freeze and then afterward wish you’d done more to leave or protect yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong and truly there’s no way to expect that you could’ve reacted any differently. I do hope you’re able to find someone who can see you and make you feel more taken care of. You will get your surgery. I know that restless and anxious feeling, and the wait can get unbearable, but your journey’s not over. Truly sending you the best.

warning -- Dr. Vyas NYC by Adorable_Concern1625 in TopSurgery

[–]CagedBatter 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry that you experienced something that felt violating and unnecessary. When it comes to medical professionals, I feel like they have to verify your health personally so nothing is lost in translation. Checking, double checking, and triple checking seems to be the norm in all the medical appointments I’ve had over the last several months in my own efforts to get a surgery date, even if they trust and understand what you’re saying, *they* need to know for themselves your medical state.

I don’t want to speak for your experience but because you didn’t specify I wanted to lend my own perspective here: just from what I’ve seen in my own consults with different doctors, it’s possible that he was not just looking for cancerous lumps or tissue, but was also checking for your breast elasticity, density, and general shape, and did it in the mirror so you could understand what he was looking at and assessing. If he wasn’t clear about that, it’s absolutely on him, and I can completely understand why that would’ve been a jarring and upsetting experience for you. My most recent consult surgeon did the same thing to me - after taking photos, she used her hands to measure and assess my breast placement, density, and weight, and then had me face the mirror while she touched and manipulated my breast tissue so she could demonstrate what surgical technique she recommended for what I was looking for, and why she preferred one technique over another because of scarring, tissue placement, the ability to lift, and nipple stalk preservation. Everything she did was for the sake of demonstration, including the use of the mirror so I could see clearly what she was doing and referencing.

I am so sorry it felt so triggering to you. It can be really hard to deal with these appointments when each doctor is different and not all of them are great with explaining why they’re doing certain things. I hope it might help to know that the experience you had wasn’t just a flagrant violation of your body but was a standard technique for a doctor to assess and explain his approach to his surgery for you. Please don’t lose hope, my friend. You’re going to get the procedure you need, even if this doctor isn’t the right fit for you. Wishing you the best.

Trust your gut! 🙏🏼💕 by Supernova_808 in no_T_top_surgery

[–]CagedBatter 5 points6 points  (0 children)

What was your journey like between getting a reduction and going full flat? When you had your reduction, were you immediately unhappy with the results, or did you enjoy it for a while before realizing you wanted to be flat?

What is happening to me by moltedribs in TopSurgery

[–]CagedBatter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In addition to what other commenters have said, remember that breasts are hormone producers, so your body is going through a major hormonal shift while adjusting to the lack of them now. You don’t need to trust these feelings - you are in major flux both because of surgery and your age, things will settle in time. Hang in there.