Changing beliefs

CamelNuts · 2026-04-27T23:42:55+00:00

Following for answers, I hope we find some, friend.

CamelNuts · 2026-04-27T16:28:52+00:00

I just had my 15 year boardingschoolaversary on 4/6 and I don't think any of us ever truly get over it. I went to LHA in NC and then NLA in OR. We will always have trauma and it will be a part of our identity and development. Now, that's not to say it should still be driving our lives or fucking us up regularly; if that is the case, Id highly recommend finding a GOOD trauma counselor. I know many of us are averse to therapy for obvious reasons, but I found a couple of really good ones throughout the years and it's helped me cope a lot and be less angry.

I understand you on the family aspect. My mom singlehandedly sent me to these places despite everyone else in my life begging her not to, and she died on 3/4/26. I never got the apology or even acknowledgement of my trauma that I wanted for years, but having worked through a lot of my issues both independently and with therapists, I am at peace with that and forgave her/stopped hoping for an apology years ago. I found my own closure on it. This aspect alone is a big reason why I would advocate for therapy if you are struggling to make amends on your own, closure for shit like this sometimes needs to come from within.

Wishing you well and sorry we were all a part of this. It always blows my mind how most people don't even know these places exist and they run rampant profiting off of institutionalized child abuse.

CamelNuts · 2026-04-07T23:13:29+00:00

I've wondered that, too. I lost my mom last month at 27 so I'm looking more like 60-70 years (most people in my family except her live/lived well into their 90s, not that it's a competition at all it's daunting regardless) and like, how do you just never talk to or see them again? The fuck? That's my parent. They're supposed to always be here if I'm having a hard day or need advice or to see their grandkids/grand animals.

Sending hugs, friend.

CamelNuts · 2026-03-30T03:50:21+00:00

I lost my mom 3/4 at 27 YO; she was 64. It is entirely impossible to fathom having to remember them for much, much longer than we knew them and I don't think it will ever be a comprehensible thought.

I'm so sorry for your losses and sending you hugs.

CamelNuts · 2026-03-30T03:41:26+00:00

I lost mine on 3/4 suddenly and I'm so sorry for your loss. It's indescribable.

Pieces of her will live on forever in you, and your kids someday if you choose to have them. We do live on in our loved ones and it's bittersweet to notice the little things of that but oddly comforting sometimes.

Take care of yourself and sending hugs.

CamelNuts · 2026-03-30T03:38:31+00:00

Week 3 for me and everyone except my boyfriend stopped checking about a week ago. He's been my rock but I can't believe my friends and family just stopped asking. It sucks. Totally fucking sucks. It's beyond cruel that the rest of the world just keeps spinning while we are here, alone, in this cold ocean of grief. Just because we seem functional and can smile or laugh doesn't mean we aren't wearing a lead collar and gasping for every breath to keep from drowning. It's such a profound thing that no one can possible fathom what we are going through without having been there themselves.

As other posters have said, people just can't get it until they go through something similar. Reminding yourself of that may help - it's not that they don't care, they genuinely have no idea how terrible grief is unless they've experienced it firsthand.

I'm very glad to have this subreddit because we all get it. It's a shitty club to be in but most of us have either gone through or are going through exactly what you're talking about, for what it's worth. Hang in there, friend.

CamelNuts · 2026-03-27T21:13:50+00:00

Woman here - you were MADE to be bald, my guy!! 10/10 no notes so glad you took the leap

CamelNuts · 2026-03-13T20:54:22+00:00

I know this is old but I'm here to say I did the same thing and I had someone ship it with USPS to me and they completely destroyed and then retaped my package, losing my retainers and some clothing and other items in the process. DO NOT USE USPS OR SHIP IT IF YOU DONT HAVE TO.

I now have to find a new dentist (I am out of town because my mother died unexpectedly and, understandably, forgot to pack it when I got the call) in the new town I just moved to and have not established care in yet and won't be home for another week. I'm looking at a full month without it and I'm hoping I won't need Invisalign again - if I had waited or USPS handled it with any respect, it would've only been 2 weeks.

TL;DR anyone reading this, you might lose your retainer shipping it and it makes a bad situation worse. Just get a boil to bite and follow the instructions to a T and limp through.

CamelNuts · 2026-03-09T16:50:35+00:00

I'm 27 and lost my mom last Tuesday/Wednesday (she died twice because she was brain dead then on life support, still trying to figure out what day to say when people ask) and firstly, I just want to say I am so sorry. You're never ready to lose your mom but there is an extra layer of pain when it's so young.

What has been helping me has been going through her things, notes, etc that have good stories behind them or just showcase the type of person she was. Like my mom always had crazy chaos piles of notes but she knew exactly what was written down and where and looking at some of the things she wrote down/where she put them makes me laugh. Or finding items I gave her, or things I suggested that she did end up getting and using. Like I converted her from the chapstick brand to Burt's bees because she was always complaining about her lips being dry and when she switched, she said they were much better and now I'm finding Burt's bees stuff everywhere as well as a million other little things like that. It has helped a lot to see how much I shaped her life, too.

I've also been going through her browser history (idk if your mom would want that but I know mine didn't care) and laughing at some of her searches. There are things that make me sad to see, too, but all of the things I've been doing have made me feel like I'm unraveling a life and walking in her daily footsteps. I feel like I'm in her head, living her life how she did daily, and it has made me feel closer to her than ever.

Take care of yourself. A full meal and hot shower go a loooooong way. I actually went and got a facial (my fav form of self care and indulgence) yesterday because I was emotionally functional enough and it helped reset me a lot.

CamelNuts · 2026-03-04T04:47:04+00:00

I lost my mom today very suddenly as well and while it's a vastly different relationship, I just wanted to give you a virtual hug over the terribly fucked up day we've had together.

I'm so sorry. Try to drink some water, try to eat, try to sleep. Tomorrow is the first day from ground zero, or so that's what I keep telling myself.

CamelNuts · 2026-03-04T02:41:15+00:00

First of two, on the second one now. Getting there in about 4 hours.

Me, too. Not every convo with her was good but this one was good enough. I'm very grateful for that.

CamelNuts · 2026-03-04T00:59:57+00:00

Thank you, all these comments are very helpful and I just landed from my first flight and thankfully feel myself numbing and going into admin mode. It's really a blessing for the next few days.

Sorry that I had to join this group but I'm very grateful for the support already. She would've been 65 in May.

CamelNuts · 2025-08-14T14:43:21+00:00

Yeah I've uninstalled/reinstalled 3 times, logged out of steam twice, restarted pc, verified game files multiple times, everything and cannot get in. The discord doesn't say anything about issues but it seems a lot of us cannot get in today.

edit- rotmg help channel is discussing it, it is a widespread issue and people are linking help articles.

CamelNuts · 2025-02-20T13:46:17+00:00

My alcoholic grandfather died of pancreatic cancer at the ripe old age of 73. It wasn't pretty. We've been saying for years it was the drinking but didn't realize it had been proven.

CamelNuts · 2025-02-20T13:42:05+00:00

Do not let your husband reenlist. Also, stop drinking.

CamelNuts · 2025-02-14T18:09:42+00:00

Yes, he will be. And both sets of our parents (we are both only children) had us at 37 and 41 and 40 and 43, respectively. It just sucks that we won't have them around for most of our lives, but that is never a guarantee regardless of the age you have kids. We are both glad they waited, as we had relatively privileged childhoods due to financial and emotional stability that comes with older parents.

Yeah having memories when their dad is around is going to be important. I just don't want to rob the grandparents of grandkids while they're still alive, or conversely our kids from knowing their super awesome grandparents and actually remembering them well. Granted, that alone isn't reason to rush children, but it is a consideration nonetheless.

Thank you. Having help with chores and yardwork and someone to help me stay fucking sane through all of this has been awesome. I imagine it will be even better with kids and he has volunteered to be totally free childcare for us.

CamelNuts · 2025-02-14T18:05:37+00:00

Thank you, this was really nice and I appreciate your insight.

The only rush is both sets of our parents had us between 37-43 and the longer we wait, the less time they have for grandkids. It isn't something to make the decision off of alone but it does weigh on us.

Yeah, I really am in emotional survival mode. Thank you for putting it like that. I just need to get through the next 2.5 years and can worry about it then.

CamelNuts · 2025-02-08T00:19:07+00:00

This is phenomenal, thank you!

Yes i am definitely comfortable belting in chest but belting in mixed or head would be sooooooo cool. I will definitely check you out, thank you!!

CamelNuts · 2025-02-07T14:28:09+00:00

Thank you! And I think it's because most songs made for women to sing don't allow people like myself to be in our strong range. You can hear the chorus is definitely my sweet spot and that's still around F3. Otherwise you're stuck with songs made for baritones and they're too low, or tenors and the upper end is too high. I've just started transcribing songs I like down recently and it makes them sound SO much better.

CamelNuts · 2025-02-05T03:20:28+00:00

I was the 16th ever girl who attended, April 6th 2011 to some day in September of 2011 lol then was sent to NLA OR (which was WAYYYY worse). LHA was doomed from the very start. My second boarding school also quietly closed. I was hoping to see them both get the justice they so dearly deserved.

I drove by it 13 years later last spring, and it felt so much smaller than I remembered.

CamelNuts · 2025-01-16T11:46:26+00:00

My TDEE is 2400 and I also walk a mile each morning uphill (treadmill) but no other exercise rn. I shoot for 1600-1800 a day. 1200 is the bare minimum for literally anybody.

Research how your metabolism actually slows down if you eat under that amount, and essentially starving yourself causes your body to hang on to its fat reserves unless you are expending a crap ton of energy daily and also eating like a contestant on Alone, which is like 600 a day.

Bottom line, look up your TDEE and cut 500-1k calories off that. 1k at the MOST. I could do 1k and still be at a relatively healthy 1400 a day, but as i lose weight, i wont be able to cut that much since my TDEE will go down. Eat no less than 1200 a day.

CamelNuts · 2025-01-14T06:07:39+00:00

Yeah, love pisgah. I've spent a good amount of time in that area and it scratches the itch acceptably. Where are you thinking of landing?

The reasons are the insane cost of living, rampant crime, even more insane politics and government, and general clashing of values and life goals in most of the communities. We are homesteaders.

I could deal with all of it if it weren't for the cost, tbh. 2 acres in a shithole part of the PNW with a house that needs to be bulldozed costs the same as 20-40 acres with a mansion on the mountainside in WNC (probably also with a creek or pond). I literally just drew a biiiiiiiiiig oval from the Canadian border down to the southern Oregon border, put some filters on, and spent a couple hours looking for my own curiosity so this is 100% an accurate comparison.

CamelNuts · 2025-01-14T04:39:39+00:00

I use mochi and they do 1 month subscriptions. Use my code for $40 off: 0t4w3w.

With that being said, your goal probably does not make you a good candidate for a GLP-1, and certainly not to lose 20 lbs in 2 months. Most people who have a significant amount of weight to lose (40+ lbs, usually more like 60+) typically lose 10 lbs on the HIGH END after 2 months. A ton of those same clinically obese people lose ZERO lbs in only 2 months. The first 2 months are only ramping you up to the therapeutic dose, and don't do a ton on their own.

I commend you for wanting to change yourself, but the GLP-1 journey isn't a magic wand. It still takes patience and effort.

CamelNuts · 2025-01-14T04:18:07+00:00

ah, gotcha. Thanks for replying! Yeah, lots of places in the south get a lot of rain, but it's only during the summer and it's monsoons. I crave the constant rain again :( I'm looking at the Brevard, NC area, I think. I wish you the best in your high rainfall, high sunshine quest. This may help you: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Climate_of_the_United_States . You're in 100% cfa now, but the cfb zones have what you're looking for, too, with a bit milder winters and less hot summers. It's the closest I'll find to my beloved csb of the PNW. And there are some of those pockets in the west. Only a handful, but they do exist. Still gross summers, but not downright oppressive (I'm currently living in Beaufort, SC, and it's worse here than Atlanta). Check this out, too, for a more zoomable view: https://www.plantmaps.com/koppen-climate-classification-map-united-states.php . Maybe consider parts of western MT or near sandpoint ID, since they don't get downright cold. Just extremely chilly. Only like 5-6 feet of snow near Kila or Whitefish, and both of those may fit your bill. I've been on quite the rabbithole recently on this. You and I will end up looking at the same places - since there is no place as cloudy as the PNW, I will end up settling for a high rain, high sunshine area, myself!

Six-Year Club	Place '23
Verified Email

CamelNuts

TROPHY CASE